Out of the Silence

Memories, Poems, Reflections

Terry Waite, Jenny Coles, Terry Waite, Jenny Coles

• Publisher: SPCK Publishing
• Year: 2016
• Print ISBN: 9780281077618
• eBook ISBN: 9780281077625
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Religious Biographies

At the height of the Lebanese civil war in the 1980s over 100 foreign civilians were taken hostage by Islamic Jihad. As the Archbishop of Canterbury's special envoy, Terry Waite conducted several successful missions to negotiate the release of numerous hostages. But in January 1987, while on one of his many visits to Beirut, he was captured himself.

Imprisoned for nearly five years, four of them in solitary confinement, he was chained, beaten, frequently blindfolded, and subjected to a mock execution. In this moving sequence of poems and reflections Terry Waite recalls the highs and lows of his life, both during that ordeal and throughout the happier years of humanitarian work that have followed.

They give us a glimpse into the depths of faith, hope and love that sustained him through that intense time of suffering. They also take us into memories of his later life, reminding us of the joy and contentment to be found in meaningful work, and in the humanity we share each day with those around us.

Out of the Silence not only offers a rare insight into one man's experience in the throes of a bitter conflict of the past; it also bears witness to the enduring power of forgiveness, truth and reconciliation in the face of adverse forces at work in the world today.

1 Another country

It is a warm sunny day as I sit down to write. Several days ago, on a cold damp December evening, I left Heathrow Airport in London bound for Auckland, New Zealand. Now I am in a beautiful rural location surrounded by open countryside. The house, which is spacious and cool, is set at the top of a small hill. Below, one may catch sight of the Tukituki river as it meanders its way to the sea some 20 miles distant. A small farmstead lies at the foot of the hill. Occasionally someone may walk from the farm across the pasture, but throughout the day that is the only human being one may see. It is the perfect place from which to look back across the years and to reflect on events that took place long ago and that have subsequently shaped my life.

Memories, Dreams, Reflections. It was the Swiss psychotherapist Carl Jung who took these three words for the title of his autobiography and to me they encapsulate what I intend this book to be. I shall not necessarily follow a chronological order in my writing. Dreams and memories which occasion reflection do not work in such a way. A dream will be experienced and then vanish as quickly as it appeared. Some will linger for many a year. Memories swirl around in the mind and as the years pass by are often distorted as though, from the unconscious, one is attempting to make them acceptable. Some refuse to change and remain to give rise to a range of conflicting emotions.

As I prepared to write this first chapter I happened by chance to come across the writings of the late Philip Rieff, one of the leading interpreters of Freud. He wrote that desire and limitation, eros and authority are intimately connected. The tension between them provides the energy for all artistic endeavours. These two sentences struck home as they put into a nutshell something of my own experience. Through the poems I have attempted to give some expression to the range of conflicting emotions that are within me, as they are within all people. On the one hand there is the limitation and authority which I have accepted because of my whole upbringing, particularly having been brought up by a very strict father. On the other there are the human emotions equally strong. It is only now, in the latter years of mortal life, that I have been able to give some expression to these powerful forces through poetic writing.

The following lines, written long before I read Rieff, followed a lengthy discussion with a close friend and partially explain why his writings so impressed me. In the discussion we had I was attempting to understand why I had the desire to express myself in what was a different way of writing for me.

The following poem may seem unduly morose to some, but the fact is that I am in the final quarter of life and now is the time for me to reflect on what has been, what is and what hopefully will be.

SELF EXAMINATION

Can it be

That this sudden burst

Of poetic activity

Long held back

By fear,

Or doubt:

Can it be that this is a precursor

Of a mortal life rapidly drawing to a close?

The words stream forth

Filling the page with hopes,

Desires,

They rush to find a place,

Knowing that their source

Will soon be no more;

Himself a word, a memory,

Incapable of creating,

Incapable of loving, holding, caring,

A memory;

A memory of one who tried to love,

Who needed love;

A memory of one admired by some

Who knew not his inner pain,

His inner striving for wholeness,

His deep inner conflict

With light and darkness.

‘A religious man’ some said.

They knew nothing.

Nothing of his inner agony.

Nothing of his agony of disbelief,

Nothing of his striving to find truth,

Nothing of his desire to live truth

And so often failing.

‘A worthy man’ some said.

They knew nothing of his rejection of acclaim

And his desire for it.

A desire to be known, respected

And yet

It was simply a desire to be loved.

In the past days the flood gates of emotion

Have been opened.

Now, in these last days, they are

Thrown wide.

Secretly.

Privately

There is still a deep inner terror

That love and passion will destroy

An edifice created across life.

The days shorten

And life moves on its relentless way.

I give these words to you my friend.

Guard them,

Protect them:

They are my impoverished soul,

The soul that...

Table of contents

• CoverImage
• About the author
• Title Page
• Imprint
• Contents
• Dedication
• Preface
• Introduction
• 1. Another country
• 2. Evening
• 3. Dawn
• 4. Justice
• 5. Moods
• 6. Conflict
• 7. Ageing
• 8. Earthquake
• 9. Creators
• 10. Home
• 11. Family
• 12. Y Care
• 13. One to One
• 14. Belief
• 15. Anger
• 16. Relationships
• 17. Memories
• 18. Tukituki
• 19. Delusion
• 20. Empathy
• 21. Farewell
• 22. Ramblings
• 23. A gathering
• 24. Passion
• 25. Death
• 26. Jubilee
• 27. Remember