The 3-Point Therapist

Hilary A. Davies

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9781855757462
• eBook ISBN: 9780429919961
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: History & Theory in Psychology
• Index: Psychology

An ambitious trainee therapist, determined to make her mark in the therapy world, seeks supervision and guidance. In her meetings with the 3-Point Therapist she gains much more than she had bargained for. The 3-Point Therapist is the charming story of one trainee's journey in search of professional success and recognition. What she learns is unexpected and changes her predicted path. The characters and situations in this book are purely fictional but the principles, the learning and the practice points are drawn from the author's thirty years' experience working with families in different paediatric and mental health settings. The books style is light, readable and at times humorous - but the messages are strong with far-reaching effect. The trainee and her professional practice are profoundly changed for ever.

Chapter One

First Visit to the 3-Point Therapist

The trainee, flustered and a little late, arrived at the door of the therapist.

She knocked and reflected that she had learnt as much theory as she could, read all available books and papers, and attended supervisions and tutorials as offered. She was not sure what else she had to learn. However, she was truly ambitious and wanted to progress up the ladder in her chosen career.

She felt overwhelmed by information but was anxious to acquire more knowledge and wanted some help in writing some more papers. She had many ideas. She also hoped to be told how to be more confident and authoritative with the families with whom she met.

She wanted to develop her ability to think about and analyse the theories in greater depth, giving her greater understanding and expertise in therapies and the different techniques.

As soon as possible, the trainee wanted to move on in her career; she loved to teach and hoped to pass on all that she knew. She also hoped that she would come to feel more expert and to be widely respected in her chosen field. She wanted to do research and publish more papers. She planned that she would gain feelings of expertise and confidence from the 3-Point Therapist. She had heard that the therapist gave consultations to trainees and qualified therapists alike. She had heard that the therapist gave advice on preparation of talks and consultations, and on gaining recognition and respect for one’s knowledge and expertise.

The trainee hoped that the 3-Point Therapist might be able to help. She hoped that one visit, or at most two, would be sufficient, as the journey had been rather long and very tedious. She had had to take time off from her training, which she would have to make up.

She hoped to impress this therapist of whom she had heard good things and who had been so strongly recommended to her. She also desperately wanted to impress colleagues, tutors, trainees, and others in her field.

The trainee had come well prepared. She had brought along three journals in which she had been published. She carried books of theory that she wished to discuss, hoping to impress with her knowledge.

The therapists door opened immediately. “She’s obviously not very busy to be waiting for me?,” the trainee mused, “I hope this will be all right and worth the time?.”

She offered breathless apologies for her lateness, explaining busy-ness at work, traffic delays, and so on. The therapist did not respond but quietly showed the trainee in.

The room was compact, neat, and welcoming with just two chairs. “Does she really see families in here?” the trainee wondered. The therapist indicated a comfortable-looking chair and the trainee sat down.

The trainee observed the therapist to be a tall, slim, middle-aged woman. She had warm, observing eyes behind round fashionable glasses, which she took off as they began to speak. She had a calm quiet manner. The trainee felt at ease and instinctively thought that she liked her.

The therapist asked why the trainee had come to see her and what she hoped to gain from the meeting.

The trainee replied that she wanted to become the best therapist that anyone could be. She said that she had already been published in three prestigious journals, which she offered to the therapist, who declined to take them with a raised hand and lowered gaze.

A little taken aback, the trainee continued, “I want to progress well For this I think that I need to impress with my wide theoretical knowledge, which I want to expand with your help. I am sure that you can help me to learn more and be sure that I know all the up-to-date theories and academic writings. I think that I probably need to be able to understand, analyse, and discuss all of this in greater depth in order to progress in my career.”

The trainee showed the therapist a selection of the books she had brought in her bag.

The therapist was silent.

The trainee then told the therapist that she also needed some advice and good techniques for being more confident and authoritative with the families she saw.

The therapist looked down and said nothing. There was a pause for a while.

The trainee quickly filled the silence with chatter about her papers and the books she had brought.

After a long while in which the therapist said nothing, the trainee paused. The therapist looked up and began slowly.

“You have been recommended to me. Your training supervisor tells me that you are an outstanding student with a lot of promise. She tells me also that you have a lot to learn about being a therapist…”

The trainee started and looked as though she was going to speak, before the therapist went on, “… and she thinks that you and I would work well together. She asked me to meet with you today so that we can think about what you would want and how we might proceed.

“But I want you to listen to me carefully and I want you to think hard before you reply.

“Be sure that you give me your correct answer. Tell me if you need more time to think, if you need to go away and come back with your reply. Because this is important.

“You need to know that I can teach you only 3 Points. If this interests you, we can begin working together next week. I do have a space now to start meetings with you for a period of time. But you will learn from me only these 3 Points and you need to be sure that this is what you want. Do you really hope to think about your books and papers or do you want to learn these 3 Points?”

The trainee was a bit confused. Why did she have to come back again “for a period of time” to learn just three things? Could not the therapist tell her these now? She had come quite a long way and had had to take time out from her work and training.

The trainee was about to speak when the therapist raised her hand and said, “Take your time and be sure that you are giving me your right answer.”

The therapist was silent and looked down into her lap.

The trainee knew clearly what she wanted and, after a few minutes more, again made ready to speak. This time the therapist looked up at her slowly, was very silent, and listened.

“I really do want to learn the 3 Points that you have to teach me. It’s just, well, I was hoping that you would be able to tell me these 3 Points today I would have to take off more time from my work and training to come again. And I was wondering how long you meant by a ‘period of time’. That could become quite difficult for me. I am really very busy right now and need to finish a couple of papers as soon as possible so that I can be published again.”

The trainee began to feel a bit uncomfortable and to worry about seeming rude and ungrateful. She really could hardly believe her luck that the therapist had a vacancy now and she must be sure not to risk losing this valuable opportunity.

In response to an imagined thought by the therapist, the trainee hastened to sound reassuring and pleased.

“I really do value the time that you have made for me so quickly today and that you are offering me ‘a period of time’. I know that I have so much to learn from you.”

“There are 3 Points to learn.”

She knew that she had to make a decision and was in no hesitation when she continued, “I feel privileged and am most grateful for your offer, which I am very happy to accept. I look forward to beginning the meetings with you to learn all that you have to teach me … er … the 3 Points that you have to teach me?”

The trainee smiled and felt a great relief. She was pleased, and hoped that this might be the beginning for her of what she had been seeking for some time.

The therapist looked pleased also, and may have given a hint of a smile.

The therapist said nothing until the trainee paused. Then she looked up and said simply, “Go now and come back exactly one week from today. When you return, tell me about some of your work of which you are proud.”

The trainee responded quickly, “My work or my research and writing my publications?”

The trainee was about to continue.

The therapist raised her hand and repeated, “Tell me about some of your work of which you are proud.”

Before the trainee could respond, the therapist added swiftly, again with raised hand, “Go now and come back exactly one week from today.”

The therapist opened the door and the trainee left.

Chapter Two

Work of which you are Proud

The trainee was slightly bemused but very curious, and returned one week later.

The door opened prompdy and she sat in the same comfortable chair.

The therapist greeted her, and then said nothing. The trainee began.

“I am seeing a very difficult case, the Abbott family, I don’t know where to begin”

“Tell me about the family and the work of which you are proud,” the therapist invited.

“Both parents attend my sessions together with their teenage daughter. It’s the daughter who is the problem, she is very difficult and the parents are at their wits’ end. I have tried everything and I think I have done some good work. The mother is so anxious, my supervisor thinks she needs some medicine to calm her down. I’m not sure what to do now”

“Tell me about your work of which you are proud,” the therapist repeated.

“Well, a couple of weeks ago I decided to try some circular questioning to try to get to the root of the mother’s anxiety, to try to find out what she is really worried about. It went very well, the reflecting team complimented me on my technique. After a while the mother put her head in her hands and just sobbed. I think we began to get to something, though the problem seems just as stuck as ever and I am not sure what to do now. I’ve tried some anxiety management, but it doesn’t seem to work with this mother at all. She just seems to want to talk on and on and I have to intervene frequently and be quite assertive in order to do any work at all?”

“Well done,” replied the therapist. “You seem to have a good knowledge of the technique of circular questioning.” The trainee softened and was pleased.

“Do you think I should continue with that with my team or do you think I should refer the mother on for a medical assessment, maybe for some medication, so that my work might be more effective?”

The 3-Point Therapist paused for a while before she spoke. The trainee looked rather anxious.

“Tell your team that...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half Title
• Title
• Copyright
• CONTENTS
• ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
• ABOUT THE AUTHOR
• Dedication
• BEGINNING
• CHAPTER ONE First Visit to the 3-Point Therapist
• CHAPTER TWO Work of Which You Are Proud
• CHAPTER THREE Starting to Focus
• CHAPTER FOUR Congratulations on Beginning
• CHAPTER FIVE I Listened
• CHAPTER SIX We Have a Choice
• CHAPTER SEVEN Tell Me Your Story
• CHAPTER EIGHT I’U Tell You a Story
• CHAPTER NINE Only if They’ll Meet with You
• CHAPTER TEN Simply Respect
• CHAPTER ELEVEN Just Think the Right Language
• CHAPTER TWELVE In an Unexpected Way
• CHAPTER THIRTEEN Funny That/Funny This
• CHAPTER FOURTEEN Catch Them Unawares
• CHAPTER FIFTEEN My Cat…
• CHAPTER SIXTEEN … And the Balls
• CHAPTER SEVENTEEN Practice Writes Theory
• CHAPTER EIGHTEEN Mad with My Client
• CHAPTER NINETEEN Trust Those Seeds
• CHAPTER TWENTY A Specific Painting in a Specific Way
• CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE The Families’ Curators
• CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO Last Visit to the 3-Point Therapist
• ENDING