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Myth One
Motivating With Rewards Is the Best Option
One of the most common ways to motivate kids is to use rewards. In fact, you were probably rewarded when you were growing up. Rewards are woven throughout society in the form of shopping rewards, points for travel, and discounted admission to events. We reward our kids with things, such as money, toys, electronic downloads for music, movies, games, and books, or food treats. We also use the concept of time, providing extra time on the computer or television, or delaying bedtime or a curfew. Third, we reward through events, such as allowing kids to go to the movies, mall, library, restaurant, or a friendās house or apartment.
However, using rewards as a motivational tool is one of the biggest myths related to motivation. Despite their popularity, they are not as effective as we assume. In this chapter, weāll explore the benefits of rewards, the problems with rewards, how to use (and not use) rewards appropriately, the role of consequences and punishment in motivation, and the concept of praise.
- Are there problems with rewards?
- Why should I use rewards?
- How can I effectively use rewards?
- What about consequences and punishment?
- Is praise good or bad?
- What are the characteristics of effective praise?
Are There Problems With Rewards?
Despite their popularity, are there problems with rewards? Actually, yes. There are five negative aspects of rewards.
- Rewards are temporary.
- Rewards can change your relationship.
- Rewards donāt address underlying reasons, and are ineffective long term.
- Rewards reduce intrinsic motivation.
- Better to create creative way to do task.
First, rewards are temporary. They simply do not work on a long-term basis. When I was working on this book, I experienced writerās block, which rarely happens to me after 23 books. Despite encouragement from my family and friends, a change of scenery, various attempts at a different starting point, and other strategies, nothing worked. I finally jump-started my writing by identifying a reward I wanted that I would get after I wrote at least a half chapter. Once I started, I was able to move forward on my own without additional rewards. It reminded me of a fire. Once you get a starter log going, it fans the rest of the wood to start a fire. A note of caution, however: if you continue to use rewards, kidsā expectations become bigger. For example, you may start with giving him or her $1 for an A. Over time, they want $5, then $10, and they never want it to stop.
Second, rewards can change your relationship with your kids. Rather than a loving and caring relationship, rewards sometimes create a power structure: you dominate your kidsā behaviors by manipulating them with bribes. They jump through hoops for your approval via rewards, which send the message that they are not valued for who they are. Ultimately, the focus of your relationship is on compliance, which is facilitated by rewards and threats, and on monitoring your kidsā behaviors.
Next, rewards do not address the underlying reasons for your kidās behavior, therefore, you donāt solve the real problem. For example, if your teenager only cleans his or her room when a reward is provided, there is another issue. Sometimes teenagers simply donāt care, others are rebelling against authority, and still others want to do what their friends are doing.
Rewards also undermine intrinsic motivation. Weāll discuss aspects of intrinsic motivation in Chapter 2, but for now, itās important to know that intrinsic motivation comes from within your kid and is far more lasting than rewards. The more we reward a behavior, the more we shift a kidās motivation to something external, which takes the focus away from their internal motivation. One of my friends had a son who loved reading before he started school. He continued in the primary grades, becoming a voracious, enthusiastic reader. When he started 3rd grade, his teacher introduced a program to monitor and incentivize reading. Students read a book from an approved list and took a computer test. They earned points, and then prizes based on their reading. That sounds really great, doesnāt it? For my friendās son, however, there was a different result. Many of the books he wanted to read were not on the approved list, or at the approved level, since he wanted to read more challenging books. Before long, he was reading less, and continually commented he had to read the āright books to earn points.ā Over time, his interest waned, and he saw reading as just another chore. It took several years for him to regain his love of reading.
Finally, itās simply more effective to find other, creative ways to encourage kids to engage in tasks. Ideally, your kids come up with these options on their own, rather than looking to you for ideas. This creates ownership and reinforces the notion that they have choices and control, even though they may be doing something required by an adult. Iāve seen kids sing or dance while vacuuming the house, find a practical reason for completing homework (such as using the information in college or in a job), or create a stronger bond with you or another family member by completing the task together. The goal is to help your kids find ways to motivate themselves internally, which we will explore in the next chapter.
Why Should I Use Rewards?
You may be thinking, based on the description of negative aspects of rewards, that you should never use rewards. Based on my experiences, I believe there are limited uses for it. For example, I agree with Daniel Pink (2011), author of Drive, who compares extrinsic motivation to caffeine, noting it gets you going (although you are less motivated later). There were times that the only way I could get myself, my stepson, or my nieces and nephews motivated was with a reward. It was effective, and oftentimes I could then move them beyond the initial reward.
Additionally, when there is no interest because a task simply is not enjoyable, such as cleaning a room or memorizing information or if there has been a history of misbehavior, it can be necessary to create an external reward as a jump start for good behavior. Daniel Pink also points out that extrinsic rewards do work for a short time for mechanical, rote tasks, so there are benefits to rewards in certain situations. This would be true at any age; youāll want to balance when you use an external reward.
Richard Ryan and Edward Deci (2017) help us understand rewards from a different perspective. They point out there are four basic purposes of rewards. First, we reward simply being present, such as eating dinner without the cell phone or attending a school event. Next, there are times we want to appreciate when our kids complete an activity, such as completing chores or homework. Third, we incentivize performance, which may be related to grades or an artistic endeavor. Finally, we celebrate times when students are winners, whether it is winning the science fair or a football game.
The clearest benefit of rewards is that it encourages and ensures compliance. Our kids are more likely to comply with our request or with a task if we reward them. But is it enough when our kids simply do what they are told? As J. Reeve (2014) points out, there are unintended consequences of rewards, which outweigh the limited benefits.
- Unintentional effects.
- Undermines intrinsic motivation.
- Undermines ownership.
- Undermines self-regulation.
- Every night, when you finish your homework, you can earn credits for an online game.
- (For kid who is interested in nature) Iāll pay you to work in the yard.
This leads us to our next point: How can I effectively use rewards?
How Can I Effectively Use Rewards?
Iām often asked, āIād like to continue using some rewards. Are there any positive ways to do that?ā The simple answer is yes. Letās look at seven strategies that can help you use rewards effectively.
- Realize Rewards Donāt Work
- Ease Into Changes
- Watch for Surprise Moments
- Adjust as Time Goes On
- Reduce Amount Over Time
- Decide to Focus on Behavior
- Stick with the Plan
Realize Rewards Donāt Work
The first step to using rewards effectively is to recognize that they do not have a long-term impact. I would love to tell you that a bag of stickers, gift cards, and other rewards would help your kid grow into a motivated adult, but it simply isnāt true. We must face the fact that rewards are easy and fun, but ineffective over time. This is the only way we can adjust to another approach toward motivation.
Ease Into Changes
I remember the moment when, as a teacher, I decided to move away from rewards. I was so committed to the concept of intrinsic motivation that I quit using them immediately, and never looked back. At some point, I realized that my studentsā motivations had dropped. Stopping cold turkey wasnāt the best approach with them. I stepped back, explained what I would be doing with rewards moving forward, and shifted back to rewards, although at a lesser level. Over the next few weeks, I continued to reduce the frequency and amount of rewards, until my students were no longer reliant on them. You may choose to use some rewards, or no rewards. Whatever you decide, ease into it.
Watch for Surprise Moments
The most effective use of rewards is when they are a surprise. Randomly provide rewards at unexpected moments, and for unexpected things. For example, rather than giving your kid money when he or she earns an A on the report card, pick a time during the grading period and provide a reward for simply working hard.
Adjust as Time Goes On
As you transition through the process of motivating your kids, you will need to make some modifications. You may need to slow down or speed up the rate of reducing rewards. You also may need to increase or decrease the value of the reward, or change the type. Be flexible as you and your kids adjust to the changes.
Reduce Amount Over Time
As I just mentioned, you will want to make adjustments to your reward strategy. A key part of moving your kids away from a dependence on rewards is to reduce the rewards over time. I pointed out that you want to ease into the process of removing rewards, but ease implies forward movement. You may choose to reduce how often you provide rewards to your kids, which is definitely a positive step. Youāll also want to reduce the value of the reward, whether or not it is monetary. Assess the rewards you are currently using, and determine ways to lessen the value. For example, if your kid expects $25 for every A on his or her report card, lower the amount. Or, if a reward for good behavior is a trip to the amusement park, find another...
