Family Conflict

Managing the Unexpected

Heather Canary, Daniel Canary

• Publisher: Polity
• Year: 2013
• Print ISBN:
  9780745646619
  9780745646602
• Edition: 1
• eBook ISBN:
  9780745670829
• Topic: Social Sciences
• Subtopic: Media Studies
• Index: Social Sciences

Family Conflict takes a life course approach as it provides an accessible discussion of family conflict issues, processes, and outcomes.  Chapters draw on recent theory and research regarding sub-systems and stages in family life to give readers resource-rich overviews of conflict in contemporary families.  After the initial chapter presents the landscape of family conflict theory and research, chapters focus on conflict in couple relationships, parent-child relationships, sibling relationships, and in stepfamilies.  The book concludes with a discussion of how specific work, health, and disability challenges facing today's families influence, and are influenced by, conflict interactions.

Family Conflict will be essential reading for students of family communication, family researchers, professionals who work with families in various stages of life, and anyone who desires a deeper understanding of their own family conflict processes.

1

Introduction to Family Conflict

Adam grabbed a shovel to plant the roses he had just purchased. He was looking forward to time bonding with his 14-year-old stepson, Bryson. He imagined them planting the roses together. Stopping at Bryson’s room he announced, “For this weekend’s chore, you are going to help me plant these roses.” Bryson was irritated but followed Adam outside. Once outside, Adam handed him the shovel and pointed to circles he had drawn on the ground. “OK, we need to start by shoveling holes in the ground.” But instead of shoveling, Bryson protested, “Why don’t you get a gardener?” “I can’t afford a gardener,” Adam replied. “Why don’t you make Mark (his older brother) do this? This isn’t fair.” Adam reacted, “Look, this is your only chore for the weekend and if you stop whining and do it, you will finish before noon.” Bryson replied, “I don’t want to; give me something else to do.”

We all have experienced various forms of conflict in our families, some leading to constructive outcomes and some leading to destructive outcomes. This book focuses on family conflict and how the reader can help their family conflicts lead to more constructive outcomes.

We begin by discussing why this book is warranted. That is, why should we study family conflict? Then we define family and conflict. Third, relevant theoretic approaches are illustrated. Theory is critical for understanding family conflict. Next, we present a model that summarizes key features of family conflict. Finally, we offer a preview of the remaining chapters in this book.

The Importance of Family Conflict

Many reasons exist to study family conflict. Knowing that conflict is an unexpected occurrence for family members represents the first reason to examine family conflict. The reader can learn about unexpected processes in conflict in order to anticipate them. Sillars and Weisberg (1987) noted that conflicts tend to be confusing and surprising, although interpersonal conflicts are natural to the human condition. That is, conflicts most typically occur when people are doing something else, such as having dinner, driving in the car, doing homework, or walking the dog. So we are often caught off guard by conflicts (which are also part of our own making).

Second, how conflict is managed has direct implications for the quality of family relationships. Consider the marriage relationship. As Gottman (1994) observed, “Nearly all the research on marital interaction has involved the observation of conflict resolution” (p. 66). And this research shows that the destructive use of conflict messages more so than constructive use of messages predicts both the quality of the marriage as well as divorce (Kelley, 2012).

Third, family members are affected by how conflict is managed psychologically as well as socially. One of the clearest findings in the interparental and parent–child conflict research is that children become more withdrawn to the extent their parents use negative communication tactics. Moreover, parents sometimes attempt to enlist the help of the child to combat the other parent – a strategy known as “triangulation,” which is detrimental to the child as well as the parent–child relationship (e.g., Atkinson et al., 2009).

Next, and related to the point above, how people manage family conflicts can affect their physical health. Both over-expression of anger and avoidance can lead to cardiovascular, endocrine, and immunological system problems (Kiecolt-Glaser & Newton, 2001). In considering the cardiovascular system alone, the use of anger has been found to predict heart disease, high blood pressure, and heart attacks (e.g., Metz & Epstein, 2002; Suarez, 2004). Learning how to cope better with unexpected family conflicts can lead to living longer.

Finally, conflict management occurs within an entire system of family members. Each member influences the others and is influenced by the others. The interrelationships of family members cannot be underestimated. For example, the parent–child conflict literature indicates that the manner in which parents manage conflicts with one child affects how a sibling interprets the relevance of those conflicts for himself/herself (Selman, 1980). Likewise, a reciprocal relationship exists between family members, such that the interplay of conflict communication behaviors must be understood to appreciate how family relationships operate.

No doubt, the reader can think of other reasons as well. And research suggests additional reasons for examining interpersonal conflict (e.g., Canary & Lakey (with Marmo), 2013; Cupach et al., 2010). From what we have outlined here, though, the reader can ascertain why the examination of family conflict is both relevant and important.

Defining Family Conflict

At this juncture, we should define family conflict. We do so by first separating these terms and then bringing them back together.

What is a Family?

Defining family is not a simple task. Researchers, politicians, healthcare providers, and the average person walking down the street can all have different ideas about what family means. One way to arrive at a working definition for this book is to consider criteria that have been used to define what constitutes a family. Segrin and Flora (2005) point to structure, function, and interaction as three criteria for determining who counts as and acts as family. Some definitions focus on structure, or the family form, to determine whether a social group is a family or not. For example, the US Census Bureau (2012) states, “A family is a group of two people or more (one of whom is the householder) related by birth, marriage, or adoption and residing together.” This definition emphasizes the number of people, a legal relationship, and sharing living space. This definition is useful for eliminating other types of residential social groups, such as fraternity or sorority houses, from the definition of a family.

Another dimension for defining families is function, which refers to the “tasks performed and expected” by those who are considered family (Segrin & Flora, 2005, p. 5). For instance, Patterson (2002) reviewed several functions that researchers and policymakers have identified as primary functions of families: (1) membership and family formation (e.g., providing a sense of belonging); (2) economic support (e.g., providing food and shelter); (3) nurturance, education, and socialization (e.g., instilling social values); and (4) protection of vulnerable members (e.g., protecting young, sick, or otherwise vulnerable members). Using these functions as criteria, any group of people that fulfills these familial functions would be defined as a family, whether they were related by blood, legal bonds, or something else. This dimension is useful for including non-traditional relationships as families that might not be included in a structural definition, such as same-sex couples living with or without their biological children.

The final dimension that has been used to define families highlights interaction, which focuses on ways communication processes constitute family (Segrin & Flora, 2005). As one might expect, communication researchers have been particularly prone to use interaction to define family. For example, Baxter and Braithwaite (2006) focus on this dimension in their definition of family as “a social group of two or more persons, characterized by ongoing interdependence with long-term commitments that stem from blood, law, or affection” (p. 3). This definition downplays structure and function (although those dimensions are still present) as it highlights the importance of interdependence, commitment, and affection for defining who counts as a family.

Our choice of chapter titles indicates some of our own definitional commitments. We offer here a working definition of family that acknowledges the importance of structure, function, and interaction for determining a family. Importantly, we do not offer this working definition as superior to or a substitute for the many valid definitions offered by others. Rather, we offer this simply so the reader knows our position. We define family as “a long-term group of two or more people related through biological, legal, or equivalent ties and who enact those ties through ongoing interaction providing instrumental and/or emotional support.”

What is Conflict?

Conflict can be defined in numerous ways (Putnam, 2006). Putnam highlighted the various definitions and also pointed to dimensions that can be used to typify definitions of conflict. Two dimensions of definitions are especially salient to family conflict (Canary et al., 1995). These concern whether conflict occurs in specific behaviors or that behaviors are not necessary to locate conflict. The second dimension regards whether conflicts occur outside of any recognizable episode or are tied to specific episodes that have a clear beginning, middle, and end.

The combination of these two dimensions yields four possible definitions of conflict. The first definition sees conflict as behaviorally specific but free of specific episodes, meaning conflict is pervasive in nature. For example, Sprey (1971) held that “the family process per se is conceived of as a continuous confrontation between participants with conflicting – though not necessarily opposing – interests in their shared fate” (p. 722). In a congruent manner, Deutsch (1973) defined conflict as any incompatibility between people.

The second definition holds that conflict occurs when particular types of behaviors occur, regardless of hostility. Research on parent–toddler conflict contains such a definition, for example, as two consecutive opposing statements by the mother and child. Accordingly, the number of conflicts in any interaction can be counted by the number of opposing statements. In an academic sense, conflict is linguistically defined (as we see in chapter 4).

The third approach emphasizes that conflict represents any episode that is marked by opposition and hostility. In this vein, conflict relies on partners’ perceptions of the event as to whether or not it is a conflict. Other terms that represent this definition involve having an “argument,” a “quarrel,” a “significant disagreement,” and so forth. The point is that some scholars see conflict as contained within specific episodes that are typically marked by opposition and hostility. In brief, conflict is a type of episode.

Finally, the fourth definition holds that conflict is defined in particular kinds of behaviors enacted within particular kinds of episodes (marked by opposition and hostility). As we can see in the next chapter on marital conflict, researchers have identified specific conflict strategies and tactics that occur in conflict episodes. Here, then, the hallmarks of this definition imply that conflicts refer to particular episodes containing particular behaviors.

We refer to conflict as any incompatibility that can be expressed between people (Canary & Lakey (with Marmo), 2013; Deutsch, 1973). Accordingly, family conflict refers to incompatibilities that can be expressed by people related through biological, legal, or equivalent ties. As we discuss in later chapters, conflict issues and the precise manner in which family members communicate during conflict vary as a function of family members’ relationships to each other, age, and other factors.

We should recognize that the reader likely has an implicit understanding of what everyday families look like. Koerner and Fitzpatrick (2006) presented a model of “family types” (similar to “marital types” discussed in chapter 2 and “stepfamily types” presented in chapter 3). According to Koerner and Fitzpatrick, two dimensions define families. The first is conversational orientation, or the extent to which families have open discussions about attitudes, feelings, values, and so forth. The second is conformity orientation, which concerns how family climates promote homogeneity in beliefs. By intersecting these two dimensions, one can derive four different types of families (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006).

Families high in both conversational and conformity orientation are called consensual. Communication in these families reflects open discussion but, at the end of the day, consensus with the dominant belief system. So lively discussion is promoted so long as it coincides with what the parents think. Pluralistic families entertain high conversational orientations but low conformity. “Parents in these families are willing to accept their children’s opinions and to let them participate in family decision making” (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006, p. 169). Families that are low in conversation orientation but high on conformity orientation are called protective. In other words, parents expect obedience and do not care for much discussion. Finally, laissez-faire families involve low conversation orientation and low conformity orientation. Here families “let them be” (as the French implies). That is, family members interact infrequently and are “emotionally divorced from their families” (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2006, p. 169).

The effect of different family types in conflict communication is readily clear. Some families promote discussion of various issues and even welcome disagreement (pluralistic families), whereas other families welcome discussion but not disagreement (consensual families). And some families do not contain much communication among members and so do not provide a welcome context for disagreement. According to Koerner and Fitzpatrick (2006), consensual families express themselves emotionally (venting negative emotions) and seek social support from other members. Pluralistic family members also engage in solicitation of social support but they do not engage in much venting of negative emotion. Koerner and Fitzpatrick (2006, p. 170) explain that pluralistic family members avoid use of negative emotions precisely because they are not required to confine their discussions (i.e., conform). Next, protective families contain a combination of negative emotion and avoidance. The protective members do not have the communicative means to get their points across in a constructive manner, so they engage in these direct and indirect fighting tactics (Korner & Fizpatrick, 2006, p. 170). Finally, laissez-faire families contain infrequent, low intensity, and avoid-ant conflict communication. Because these family members are emotionally separated from each other, they have little interaction and, as a res...

Table of contents

• Cover
• HalfTitle
• TitlePage
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Contents
• Detailed Contents
• Tables and Figures
• Preface
• 1 Introduction to Family Conflict
• 2 Marital Conflict
• 3 Interparental Conflict, Post-Divorce, and Stepfamilies
• 4 Conflict between Parents and Children
• 5 Siblings in Conflict
• 6 Conflict in the Face of Family Challenges: Work–Family Interface, Health & Disability, and Family Resilience
• Appendices 1
• Appendices 2
• References
• Index