Toxic Couples: The Psychology of Domestic Violence

Anna Motz

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2014
• eBook ISBN: 9781317815358
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: Clinical Psychology
• Index: Psychology

Domestic violence is a major public health concern, affecting millions worldwide. It is underreported, often devastating and sometimes ends in murder. In Toxic Couples: The Psychology of Domestic Violence, Anna Motz integrates psychological and criminological data with clinical illustrations and discussion of current high-profile cases. She examines the complex manifestations and multiple causes of intimate partner violence.

Motz disentangles the roles played by those involved and examines the addictive nature of these damaging partnerships. The book describes various forms of abuse, including physical, sexual and emotional, and analyses how intimate partner violence can escalate to murder. She explores important factors including:

• the role of addiction;
• homelessness and vulnerability;
• the intergenerational transmission of abuse;
• sadomasochistic relationships;
• honour-based violence.

The book emphasizes the significance of female- as well as male-perpetrated violence and outlines the powerful impact on the children of abusive parents, extending the clinical awareness of professionals working with those affected.

Toxic Couples: The Psychology of Domestic Violence is ideal for clinicians working with the victims and perpetrators of intimate partner violence, for students of psychology, gender studies and social care courses and for anyone interested in the psychological forces behind violence in relationships.

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‘This book provides a scholarly and empathic analysis of what the author terms the “addictive force” of relationships in which destructive aggression and intimacy are interwoven. With great integrity, Anna Motz explores the role each partner can play when enmeshed in destructive forms of communication – “a kiss with a fist” – and how “the unthinkable” can in turn be acted out against one or more children whose parents have entered a state of malignant fusion. Detailed case discussions include headline cases of children who have evolved from helpless victim to powerful perpetrator in their re-enactment upon vulnerable peers of what they have witnessed but cannot process. Practitioners in the fields of criminal justice, forensic mental health, child protection and victim support will find this important book both illuminating and insightful.’

– Dr Celia Taylor, President, International Association for Forensic Psychotherapy and Clinical Head of Service, Millfields Unit, UK

‘Toxic Couples is simultaneously dark and enlightening. It is essential reading for any clinician dealing with family conflicts since it courageously challenges the traditional view that women are always the victims of male violence. The acknowledgement that women can actively participate in domestic violence is accurately described and clinically proven. Reading this book will help to illuminate complex dynamics within violent partnerships, provide uneasy insights to all those involved in the assessment of domestic violence and prevent future failures in family court proceedings.’

– Dr Estela Welldon, Founder and Honorary Life President, International Association for Forensic Psychotherapy

Toxic Couples: The Psychology of Domestic Violence

Anna Motz

First published 2014

by Routledge

27 Church Road, Hove, East Sussex, BN3 2FA

and by Routledge

605 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017

Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business

© 2014 Anna Motz

The right of Anna Motz to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers.

Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

Motz, Anna, 1964–

Toxic couples: the psychology of domestic violence / Anna Motz. – First Edition.

pages cm

1. Family violence – Psychological aspects. 2. Spousal abuse. 3. Mental health services. I. Title.

HV6626.M68 2014

362.82′92019 – dc23

2013039317

ISBN: 978-0-415-58888-1 (hbk)

ISBN: 978-0-415-58889-8 (pbk)

ISBN: 978-1-315-81799-6 (ebk)

DOI: 10.4324/9781315817996

Typeset in Times New Roman

by RefineCatch Limited, Bungay, Suffolk

This book is lovingly dedicated to my remarkable uncles, Herbert and Stefan Edlis.

Contents

• Foreword
• Acknowledgements
• 1 Introduction: kiss with a fist
• 2 Russian roulette: the dynamics of violent relationships
• 3 Action replay: the intergenerational transmission of violence
• 4 Beauty and the beast: perversion within the family system
• 5 Murder in the family
• 6 Shelter from the storm: home, homelessness and violence
• 7 Without honour: shame, forced marriage and honour-based violence
• 8 Xanadu: addictive states in violent relationships
• 9 Conclusion: out of the shadows
• Notes
• Further reading
• References
• Index

Foreword

Pink, the American singer-songwriter, recently released a song on her album The Truth About Love entitled ‘True Love’, which describes the intense mix of love and hate that can co-exist in intimate relationships. In this sense, the album title and the lyrics both reflect much of the material covered in Toxic Couples. Both convey, for instance, the often confusing continuum of emotions experienced in familial and romantic relationships (that is, from love and caring on one end, to violence, abuse and control, on the other) and how those emotions can ultimately lead to abuse and violence. Although it can often be difficult for outside observers to understand why a person would remain in a relationship coloured by psychological, emotional, financial, physical and/or sexual abuse, much less profess their love and desire for their tormentor, research demonstrates that these are not simple decisions. My own work in this area suggests that even highly volatile and violent relationships can often be punctuated by periods of calm and tenderness; most victims simply want the abuse to end while retaining the relationship (Nicholls, Hilterman and Tengstrom, 2010). Motz unravels these mysteries again and again for the reader through dozens of captivating case studies. She offers us insights rarely available to non-clinicians, revealing the process of malignant attachment and childhood adversity that is so often at the foundation of domestic violence and intimate partner abuse.

A particular strength of this book is the consideration given to diverse relationships and multiple forms of abuse and trauma. Coverage extends from neonaticide and infanticide, to familicide and honour-based violence. The exploration of the clinical cases depicts male and female perpetrated violence alike, as well as giving consideration to the issues of gender symmetry and mutuality in abusive romantic relationships. Importantly, Motz has actively avoided the commonly conveyed reductionist perspective that all domestic violence and intimate partner abuse reflects male patriarchy in isolation of the many other relevant risk factors that can influence one partner to inflict abuse and violence onto the other. She conveys respect and understanding for perpetrators and victims simultaneously, without dismissing the need for anyone who perpetrates violence to be held accountable. The author also rightly reflects on the importance of self-care, consultation and insight by therapists who work with these difficult clients and the trauma that can be experienced as an observer to the client’s often extremely painful life history.

Motz reminds us of the importance of looking beyond an individual’s current behaviours and the need to place a client’s current circumstances and behaviours within the context of their personal history. In particular, the intergenerational transmission of violence occupies a central position in the book, as it should in any discussion of domestic violence, mental health, substance abuse, crime and violence. The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) research conducted in the United States (http://www.cdc.gov/ace/) is one of the largest and most wellrespected studies of traumatic stressors to date; the results illustrate many of the issues covered by Motz. First, the ACE findings demonstrated that adverse events experienced in childhood (e.g. neglect; physical and sexual abuse; witnessing intimate partner violence between one’s parents; and other family dysfunction) are common. Nearly two-thirds of the more than 17,000 study participants reported at least one ACE, and more than one of five reported three or more ACE. Second, the study revealed that these adverse events can lead to social, emotional, and cognitive impairments and that those deficits and challenges have long-term implications for the individual’s health and well-being. For instance, ACE can lead to an individual adopting risky behaviours (e.g. illicit drug use, alcohol abuse, early initiation of sexual activity) and exhibiting health-related problems (e.g. depression, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, early and unintended pregnancies). Third, the study also illustrated that the more stress an individual is exposed to in childhood, the greater the health and social implications. It is important to note, however, that although adversity and trauma in childhood is common in the general population (e.g. one in three people have been physically abused), subsequent research revealed that populations who come into conflict with the law and who suffer from mental health problems carry a disproportionate burden of childhood adversity. For instance, a study of female American prisoners (N = 491; Messina and Grella, 2006) matched their design to the ACE study and found that whereas the community sample had amassed around 0–1 exposures to ACE (55.5%), 67.6% of prisoners reported exposure to two or more ACE; with one-third of the sample reporting exposure to five or more adverse childhood experiences. The evidence from the ACE study (reported in gtentity50 publications) take...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Half Title Page
• Frontmatter 1
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Table of Contents
• Foreword
• Acknowledgements
• 1 Introduction: kiss with a fist
• 2 Russian roulette: the dynamics of violent relationships
• 3 Action replay: the intergenerational transmission of violence
• 4 Beauty and the beast: perversion within the family system
• 5 Murder in the family
• 6 Shelter from the storm: home, homelessness and violence
• 7 Without honour: shame, forced marriage and honour-based violence
• 8 Xanadu: addictive states in violent relationships
• 9 Conclusion: out of the shadows
• Notes
• Further reading
• References
• Index