Part I
MOVE AND ACT
INTRODUCTION
Dear Reader,
This book introduces you, both generally and specifically, to nonverbal communication (NVC). The basic principles of this type of communication have been in operation for millennia, as this is the human âpre-languageâ. I have attempted to compile and classify what has proven through long practice to be universal. The impact of NVC can be interpreted in many ways but cannot be denied. Its validity is supported by many generations of human experience and has assumed countless forms, which have resisted extinction and evolved over time.
I envision the experience of human communication as something akin to a planetary sphere, a system in which every element is inevitably connected to and affects every other. This âplanetâ, as one might imagine, has a well-explored âlitâ side, and an âunlitâ dark side, where NVC can be found. The landscape of this dark side has not been extensively explored, and there have been few excursions into its depths. Therefore, some passages in this book will contain hypotheses and tentative proposal rather than calculated scientific facts.
I firmly oppose quotations. It seems to me that a forest of citations can obscure an authorâs original thought or even mask its absence. The reader will therefore find no word-by-word excerpts or references to someone elseâs work. Of course, this volume compiles and classifies a large part of human experience in NVC. Its goal is simply to clarify some essential features of the phenomenon and reveal points of intersection between those features. I will specifically indicate wherever I share suppositions, insights, and proposals, rather than quantifiable data. Because this is a book on general theory, I do not find it absolutely necessary to identify specific sources in the text; the reader who wishes to make his knowledge more specific can turn to the original sources listed in the bibliography.
I have also had some difficulties with terminology. Many researchers of NVC have had to accept certain terms and definitions, or redefine them according to the authorâs experience and point of view. Generally, researchers have fallen into two schools of thought: the âexternalâ that restricts itself to describing NV systems in scientific terms referring only to observable data; and the âinternalâ that attributes spiritual characteristics to those systems. This division presented me with a serious problem in searching not only for terms that would closely describe the essence of a particular phenomenon but also for those that would provide the greatest possible objectivity. I have devised, then, my own working terminology, in which a specific verbal sign supports each definition.
The âexternalâ and âinternalâ methodologies mentioned above made me unsure, originally, about which path to follow in my own research. As an âacademicâ, I was trained to move âexternallyâ, from examining form to content in terms of observable data. Later, I flipped 180 degrees, having proven to myself that a spiritualised âinternalâ method was a panacea for the disease of those restrictions on discussing NVC. I was forced to abandon this approach as well, since I discovered that I too suffered from this disease. And so â âoutsideâ or âinsideâ; form or content; Communication or Expression?
This age-old dialectical opposition between methodologies pointed me towards the right answer. The approach should be âexternally internalâ. In order to communicate using a language, we first have to learn to speak it and to be able to express our thoughts through a coded language. After this simple deduction I was unable to add anything else; all the evidence I have gathered supports this notion. Therefore, I chose the controversial title of Communication and Expression for the first volume of the original Bulgarian series.
In regard of you, Dear Reader, I have followed the following strictures in presenting my findings:
1 Presenting readings that move from the popular towards the scientific.
2 In the body of the text, I have replaced the informal âIâ with âWE.â I have done so not out of love of academic rigour but because this volume has been extracted from OUR collective experience â from the knowledge and skills of all people who have wrestled with NVC. I include myself as a simple soldier in a huge army, outranked by almost everyone.
3 I have taken the liberty of addressing you directly, Dear Reader, since I secretly hope that in a moment of generosity you will recommend this book to someone else, and that person will then in turn ⌠but these dreams are too bold!
4 Finally, I have here and there inserted a bit of humour within the science and analysis. At least in the beginning, as we are learning how to walk in the realm of communication, we will find ourselves in many amusing situations. After all, learning happens only through experience.
There. As we trip, fall, and slide comically across this terrain, we stagger further and further forwards, like the great Charlie Chaplin. And like that master mime, we will walk this way aiming at a kind of perfection that will always elude usâŚ
The Author
NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
Imagine the following situation: we meet someone in a deserted, dangerous place. We need to become allies in order to survive. We begin to talk to him. However, he doesnât understand our words. We try to make contact through other languages, but his language turns out to be too obscure and strange (as strange, for example, as the Tibetan language compared with a Bulgarian dialect). What do we do? Through sounds, gestures, and facial expressions we suggest what it is that we need. We draw something; we point at him; we take things out of our pockets; we touch him. We may sing to him, or dance, or sculpt something from clay, or show a book, a picture, or a film. We can even turn him into a participant â animate or inanimate â in the entire masquerade. In other words, we try to articulate in all possible ways the essence of our desire.
Can we be certain that the person has understood? Yes! We can judge by his actions towards us. Letâs say we need food. We articulate this. We depict our need. We receive a piece of bread.
But what if we do not receive it? How can we distinguish whether the person did not understand, or has no food to give us, or doesnât want to feed us, or thinks we are just trying to amuse him, or if something else has occurred to him? What if he gets frightened by something and flees? What if he thinks he is being attacked and tries to punch us?
The truth is that this is no hypothetical situation. We encounter situations like this every day.
And, in truth, many such encounters have, in our experience, ended tragically. For some of us, multiple attempts at such communication have ended badly. As a result, some of us may even fear that any NVC must always end in disaster.
But before we reject NVC forever, let us try to articulate the potential for positive outcomes it has to offer.
The purpose of every type of communication is to create certain interactions, which we can categorise in three ways: Unity, that is, mutual understanding, which we will call a Normal Interaction; Power, or dominating the other...