Powerful Parent Partnerships

Rethinking Family Engagement for Student Success

Robert Dillon, Melissa Nixon

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9780815394440
• eBook ISBN: 9781351186094
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Education
• Subtopic: Education General

It is essential that we work together to craft powerful parent-teacher partnerships that meet the needs of today's students and schools. In this important new book, authors Robert Dillon and Melissa Nixon explain how schools and families can work together so that the needs of children are always met. Whether you're a parent hoping to work more effectively with your child's teacher, or a principal or teacher looking for ways to understand families' needs, you'll be able to use the strategies in this resource to improve your communication and build deeper connections.

Loaded with practical takeaways and sample stories, this book will help you:

• Clearly communicate a child's educational goals;
• Make connections with other schools and school districts to build community and broaden your range of resources;
• Hold educators accountable without alienating them;
• Develop communication strategies to address difficult topics like underperformance and misbehavior;
• Show compassion and gratitude;
• And more!

With the practical suggestions in this book, you'll be able to rekindle more engagement and excitement into students' learning at school and at home.

1
Forgetting About the Past

How Do I Use My School Experience To Guide My Parenting?

What was hard to bear is sweet to remember

- Portuguese proverb

Our Memories Frame Our Experiences—School has Changed, Our Memories Haven't

Education is unique in that everyone with whom you interact with has a basic understanding of the education process and how schools operate. Everyone can draw a mental image of that one teacher who made a positive, or not so positive, impact on our life. Whether our experience was one that can be described as homecoming queen, high school dropout, or somewhere in the middle, we all have memories of school.

Some of our school memories are consistent, yet many are not. That is, if asked, most of us could describe the classrooms in which we learned with relative ease, and those descriptions would be strikingly similar: wooden topped desks in rows, chalkboards, and textbooks with our name written on the front cover. But that’s where the similarities end because, for some parents, the memories bring back amazing moments, remembering teachers who hugged you on the way into the class each day and trips to the library to hear stories about cute monkeys and men with yellow hats. For other parents, the memories are more painful. Memories like being sent to the office for not having a pencil, a teacher who cared so little she let you sleep through class every day, or the teacher who yelled at you for being so stupid.

Either way, positive or negative, your memories of school are the foundation of how you initially view your child’s school. Your child’s teacher may be the best in the school, but if you had a negative school experience, your ability to trust and engage in the learning process will be diminished. Without intentional efforts to understand how the past affects your present role as a parent, unintended solutions can arise and impact your partnership and ability to best support your child.

Understanding Schools of Today

Although the classrooms of today still mirror those we hold in our memories, many of the expectations for children (and the teachers) are very different and much more complex. Today’s students are required to think differently and produce complex work that will allow them to be prepared to compete for modern jobs. The role of teacher is no longer simply to impart knowledge. Today’s teachers also assume the roles of trauma nurse, psychologist, and social worker. This means that our memories and today’s reality of school may be so different that it can cause complications, especially with the communication needed to ensure our children experience full success.

Schools today need parents as partners. Teachers need parents to understand how their children are progressing and what they can do to help their children grow. The work of educating children has continued to grow into a 24-hour, multifaceted responsibility for both teachers and families. It is necessary for parents to actively engage with and in the school. It is helpful when parents understand subject matter or assist their children in finding solutions to problems. Understanding that learning demands are drastically different today allows parents to also support their children fully.

The work completed by freshmen in high school in the past is being taught to children in sixth and seventh grade today. In the best math classrooms, the expectation for homework is no longer to solve the 50 math problems on a page, but instead to examine the surroundings to learn how the equation is applicable to their world and to apply their knowledge in real-life situations. This shift in learning from practice to application holds true for all subjects in quality classrooms. This requires different teachers, different leaders, and different parents.

As partners, it is essential for parents to move beyond the past so as to best support your child’s school experience. This begins by acknowledging that schools, teachers, expectations and even the students of today are different from those in our memories. Consider these deliberate acts to unpack your past. They will help you to be successful in partnering with the schools of today.

Own Your Past. Think about your experiences as a student. Seek to understand how your experiences at school form your opinions of the school your child attends and the teacher with whom they work. Understand that your child is not destined to have the same experiences. Their schooling can be much more positive and the school can do a better job of addressing each and every need they have.

Tell Your School Story. The best way to help others at your child’s school understand your perspective is to have an honest and open conversation about how your school experiences made you into the person you are today. If you are hesitant to call the teacher because you view them as the expert and not one to be questioned, tell her just that. Tell the stories that explain your behaviors so you can work to define a partnership that will work for those on both sides of the equation.

Seek to Understand Your Role. Your partnership with the school is a key component to your child’s success. Understand that schools want and need you. Find ways to communicate with the teachers and staff at the school that lets them know you care. Regardless of your past, understand that today you are the parent and your child’s attitude and perception of school is formed partly by how you talk about school in your home.

Trust. Although there are certainly some bad apples, most folks don’t choose education as a career to become wealthy; they choose it because they care about children and our shared future. Trust that the teachers, like you, want the best for your child, even though this may not have been your experience.

Open Your Home. Sometimes experiences are so painful that we simply can’t move past them. If you just can’t seem to cross the threshold into a school building again, let teachers and staff know they can visit you at home or another place beyond the school.

Even if you had an amazing school experience, this can impact your school partnership as a parent. You may be seeking parallel experiences that no longer exist. Your excitement may apply the wrong pressure to the school and your child. No matter your experience, here are some things that parents have done to grow their school partnership.

Visualize the Past

Allow yourself to visualize the best and worst parts of your time in school. Think about what made the experiences memorable. Look for similarities and differences and allow that to transform your ideology of schools. As your child talks about school, use the wisdom of your years to help them to unpack and troubleshoot the experiences similar to those in your past to get even better results.

Visit the Spaces Again

As an adult, walking the very halls that caused you so much pain in the past, can help redefine your mental image of school. With adult lenses, the hallways aren’t nearly as long, the desks quite as large, and the teachers not so untouchable. A renewed view of the physical space can assist with the mental transformation that is so important to your role as a parent.

Understand What School Today Means

Knowing that school for you was most likely a very different experience than what your child is experiencing can help you to understand the new expectations for success. Talk with your child about your memories and how school has changed. Help your child confront problems and create solutions with your wisdom and experiences.

Pay Attention

Check the backpack. Let your child know that school is important to you by reading materials that come home. Listen to the robocall messages. Talk to your child about the news and events shared. Ask your child questions about their day and what they are learning, not just: “How was your day?” All of these areas will grow your knowledge of today’s schools and allow for you to grow as a partner with the school.

Other Considerations

You may think back to your time in school and have a difficult time remembering any “involvement” from your parents other than the occasional parent/teacher conference. Though this may have been tradition and reality in the past, the complexity of schools makes the need for more frequent, quality connection a necessity. Because of this, schools are much more committed today to finding a way to bring everyone into the fold to help every child find success.

Some parents claim that, “I can’t support my child in school, I don’t have the time or money to do so.” For many, this is a real perception on how they view supporting schools. Some parents work full time and can’t take time off work to visit the school during the day on a regular basis. Many parents also worry that teachers won’t think they are involved if they can’t volunteer to go on field trips, cover lunch duty, or send in supplies each month. The reality is that school staff value YOU. You know more about your child than anyone. Knowing what makes your child happy and how he or she is motivated and sharing that with school personnel is golden, and costs little time and no money.

If you are looking for ways to move away from the past, take action. Consider signing up for the automatic text messages so you can remind your child of the upcoming test. Check their grades each week by setting up an automatic e-mail alert. Offer to assist with tasks you can complete at night. Although small, the efforts will be noticed and your child will know you care not only about them, but about how they perform in school.

A Roadmap to the Case Studies Throughout the Book

As you read the case study below, and others throughout the book, it is important to remember their purpose. They aren’t designed as the perfect solution for every school or the right way to address every problem. They are windows into the perspectives of parents, leaders, and teachers. They are designed to showcase some of the difficulty of parent partnerships, and we hope that they generate empathy, compassion and open up new conversations.

Forgetting the Past: A Case Study

Leslie finished her shift at the local hospital, checked her watch, and sighed as she hoped the traffic would cooperate so she’d be in time to catch the blue line that would get her home so she could shower and change before she had to leave to go to Kaleb’s school. She dreaded this night every year, the school’s open house. The annual school visit made her physically ill. She hated having to step foot in the place that had shunned her when she needed someone to support her the most.

As a child, school had always been tough. It seemed no matter how hard she tried, something kept her struggling; a teacher who never seemed to have the time to help or an assignment that she didn’t understand. When Leslie ended up pregnant in her sophomore year she had never felt so rejected. Constant whispers of irresponsibility and a doomed future were a part of her eventual decision to drop out. Now, having to walk the same halls again with Kaleb, Leslie felt a whole new type of pain. She desperately wanted Kaleb to know she thought that school was important, but hated seeing that her son would have to endure some of the same teachers who pushed her away. She wanted to get in and out quickly and to speak to as few people as possible.

Each year Leslie would receive the obligatory beginning of school call from the teacher, but after that call, no one else at school would call, unless Kaleb was in some sort of trouble or behind on lunch money. She’d do her best to try to keep up with what was happening at the school and with Kaleb’s needs, but it seemed she was always one step behind as Kaleb told stories of being left at school because she forgot to pay for the field trip or having to sit in another classroom because when he tried to ask a question the teacher thought he was talking to be disruptive. Leslie still hated school.

This year, as Leslie walked the schedule with Kaleb, counting down the minutes until they could swiftly exit, Ms. Ross, one of Kaleb’s teachers, approached. She thanked Leslie for coming and praised the work she had seen thus far from Kaleb. Ms. Ross sensed Leslie’s apprehension and gently smiled. She asked Leslie if she could call her later next week to further discuss Kaleb’s work and how they could work together Knowing with certainty that the call would never come, She replied: “Sure.” Leslie then walked away, putting her head down so that as she walked by, she would not to have to acknowledge the existence of the very teachers who, in her opinion, had ruined her life.

The following week, as Leslie was closing out her workday, her phone rang. Reading the school’s name on the caller ID, she became irritated, wondering what Kaleb had done now or what she had forgotten to do for him. Leslie answered the call to hear Ms. Ross. Following a brief exchange, Ms. Ross explained that, as promised, she was calling to tell Leslie about the essay Kaleb had written in class the past week. “He wrote with such vivid descriptions,” Ms. Ross said, “I could see him leaping from side to side trying to straddle the wet cement.” Leslie smiled, knowing the story Kaleb must have written about for Ms. Ross. “Your son is a delight Ms. Melton. I enjoy reading his work and learning about him through the little tales he shares with me. I’m calling you tonight to ask if you’d allow Kaleb to read his work in the storyteller’s competition we will have in two weeks. I’d like him to represent our school and would love for you to join us.” Leslie, heart filled with pride, agreed and reluctantly told Ms. Ross she’d see her there, knowing that it meant going back to the place she hated most once again.

The afternoon of the competition, Ms. Ross greeted Leslie at the door and insisted that she sit with her. The two chatted while the students prepared for the competition to begin. As Leslie answered Ms Ross’s questions, she realized her anxiety was slipping away and she was beginning to feel at ease. She smiled, and with great trepidation, asked Ms. Ross if there was any way she could help in her classroom because she was most grateful for her seeing the promise in Kaleb, and she wanted to pay her back. From the conversations Ms. Ross had with Kaleb, she knew that Ms. Melton had very little free time in her life and that making ends meet each month was already a challenge. So, Ms Ross said, “I would love your help, but I’m not sure that I need for you to come to school. Instead, what do you think about allowing me to come to your home a few times to discuss how we can help Kaleb continue to grow? I know you work long hours so maybe we could chat over a pizza or something.”

Over the course of the semester, Leslie and Ms. Ross talked a few times at the family’s home over pizza. Leslie found herself weaving questions about how to help make sure Kaleb graduated into their talks. She wondered often where she’d be today if she had known then that some teachers cared and truly wanted kids to succeed. Regardless, time passed and at the open house that next fall, Leslie was able to walk through the doors of the school with her head held a little higher, knowing that there was another, better school experience for her son.

Summary

Forgetting about the past and the experiences that formed our perceptions of school isn’t easy. For those whose school experiences were less than satisfactory, the emotional trauma may still exist for them today. Perhaps we should have titled this chapter “Learning to Tolerate School” because, once our perception has formed, it is possible that perception will exist forever. However, as parents, our role is to find a way to move beyond the past and foster a positive relationship with the teachers and staff that work with our children. We need to withhold judgment and seek to understand classrooms of today, even when the experiences we had are held as negative memories. Even parents with good school experiences have to make a shift to perceive school as a parent. Our role is to model respectful behavior and demonstrate a mutual respect for the adults with whom we entrust our children each day. Above all, we must find our place in the system to best support the growth of our children and allow them to internalize the belief that school matters.

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title
• Copyright
• Contents
• Meet the Authors
• Preface
• Introduction
• 1. Forgetting About the Past
• 2. Overcoming the Barriers of Partnership
• 3. Trusting Your Learning Community
• 4. Caring About the Right Things
• 5. Holding Your School Accountable
• 6. Asking the Right Questions
• 7. Surrounding Kids with the Help They Need
• 8. Apples to Apples to Oranges–Comparison Done Right
• 9. Having a Plan B
• 10. Dreaming Big
• 11. Sharing the Excellent Part of the School
• Conclusion