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• A week in the life of a Mormon family
• Monday
The first alarm of the day goes off in sixteen-year-old Jacob’s basement bedroom at 5:00 am. He groggily throws an arm in its direction to hit snooze. With long experience he has learned that he can do this twice and still make it on time. At 5:16 he rolls off the bed, takes a cursory shower, and heads upstairs to the kitchen for a quick breakfast of cereal and juice, which he wolfs down while reading – loosely defined – his Book of Mormon. By 5:47 he’s out the door, and makes the twelve-minute drive to the church building for seminary. Class starts at 6:00; he strolls in at 6:03. Close enough.
Jacob is one of the tens of thousands of Mormon teenagers who repeat this ritual every weekday to attend “early morning seminary.” Since Mormons don’t have a professional clergy, seminary isn’t aimed at those specifically preparing for a ministerial career. Instead, it’s more like daily Bible study, and it’s for all Mormon high school students. Jacob frequently bemoans the fact that if he lived in Utah or southeastern Idaho, like his cousins do, then rather than getting up at this ridiculous hour, he could use a period of released time to attend seminary in a building located just across the street from the school campus.
“Sister Anderson” – Mormon adults usually go by “Brother” or “Sister” in church settings – cheerily welcomes her dozen or so bleary-eyed students. Under her direction, they begin by singing a drowsy rendition of a hymn, and then she asks Jacob to offer the opening prayer for the class. Once he settles back into his seat, Sister Anderson launches into her lesson. This year they’re studying the New Testament, as are all the other Mormon seminary students around the world, whether in Salt Lake City or South Dakota or Suriname. The lesson today is based on the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 16. When cued, the girl sitting next to Jacob reads aloud verse 19, where Jesus tells Peter: “And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” (Mormons use the King James Bible, and are accustomed to all the thees and thous and shalts.) Sister Anderson tells a story about how one of the Mormon prophets – Jacob didn’t catch which one – went somewhere in Europe and saw a statue of Peter holding keys, and said that now he, as the church president, had the keys. She fervently emphasizes to her students that other churches are full of good people worshiping God the best way they know how, but that none of those churches have the keys of the priesthood, or the authority that God gave to Peter and the apostles. After being lost for nearly two thousand years, that authority was restored to Joseph Smith, and now resides in the current prophet and apostles of “the Church.” (When Sister Anderson says “the Church,” she definitely means the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.) “I bear my testimony,” she concludes, with tears in her eyes, “that we have a modern prophet and apostles who lead and guide this church, and that God restored his priesthood authority through the Prophet Joseph Smith.” After a closing prayer, the class has cupcakes that one of the students brought for her birthday.
Jacob drives to school, giving a ride to a couple of the other kids whose parents had dropped them off at the church. These are his “church friends,” whom he has grown up with for years as fellow members of the same ward, or congregation, and they’re three of exactly fourteen Mormon students at the entire high school. Once at school they go their separate ways into their respective cliques – jocks, video gamers, mathletes, thespians – but those distinctions mostly disappear when they’re together at church.
Today’s a pretty normal Monday for Jacob. He endures his classes, flirts with a few girls, and hangs out with his friends in the halls and at lunch. Religion never comes up. After school he has swimming practice. The locker room banter is, well, locker room banter – adolescent males strutting around half naked, bragging about their weekend exploits or plans for coming exploits. Jacob is fully part of the group, but he doesn’t swear – “gosh dang it” is about the most his friends can get out of him – and his contributions are decidedly PG compared to his buddies’ raunchier R-rated material.
He heads home, and starts on his homework. Family dinner is at 6:00, after his dad, Mike, gets home from work. In the Williams home, you don’t miss family dinner. Mike asks ten-year-old Emma to offer the blessing on the food, which she does as each member of the family folds their arms, bows their heads, and closes their eyes: “Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. Thank you for our family and all our many blessings. Please bless Madison on her mission, and please bless the prophet. Please bless that Ethan will stop teasing me. [Twelve-year-old Ethan smirks.] Thank you for this food, and please bless it and bless Mom for preparing it. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.” The family devours lasagna as they each review the events of the day.
“Remember, kids,” Jennifer says, “it’s Monday, so tonight is Family Home Evening.” Jacob and Ethan groan. For nearly a hundred years, church leaders have encouraged Mormon families to set aside one night a week – traditionally Monday night – for “Family Home Evening.” There’s no particular format, though for many families, like the Williams, it will resemble a mini-church service, with prayer, hymn singing (Ethan’s glad he plays piano for the family so he doesn’t have to sing), and a short lesson, often presented by one of the kids. Every once in a while they’ll have an outing instead – miniature golfing, hiking, and minor league baseball games are family staples. Tonight it’s Jacob’s turn to give the lesson. He repurposes something he learned in seminary a few weeks back, a passage from the Sermon on the Mount about not judging. That results in Ethan and Emma arguing about who should stop judging the other one. Mike plays referee, then thanks Jacob for the lesson. Jennifer puts her hand on his shoulder and says warmly, “You’ll be a great missionary in two years!” Sensing the end of formalities, Emma asks, “Can we have treats now?” The family piles back into the kitchen for homemade ice cream sundaes.
Jacob retreats to his room, finishes his homework, and texts a few friends. By 10:30 he’s exhausted and ready for bed. As he brushes his teeth, he gazes at the scripture he’s pasted on the mirror next to the picture of Jesus: “Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day.” Jacob reads his scriptures in bed for fifteen minutes, then kneels by his bedside and mumbles a prayer. “Please bless me to be a good influence on the guys on the team. Please bless that I’ll do well on my history test tomorrow … .”
• Tuesday
By 8:00 am, it’s quiet. Jennifer has successfully wrangled Ethan and Emma out of bed (Jacob had left for seminary before they woke up), fed and clothed them, and whisked them off to school. Mike left for work a half hour ago. Having seen everyone off, Jennifer closes the door in relief and heads to the dining room table. This is her daily time of solitude. She reads her scriptures while she eats breakfast, counting on that daily ritual for a bit of inspiration and to get her bearings for the day. If she’s lucky, she can even get a little exercise in before the phone starts ringing.
Today she’s not so lucky. At 8:30 her cell phone buzzes. It’s Sister Johnson. “Good morning, Sister Williams, I’m sorry to call so early. But I needed to let you know that Sister Hawkins was rushed to the hospital late last night. I think it’s her heart.” Jennifer gets the details and promises to go visit as soon as possible. As she hangs up she realizes that she missed another call while she was talking. She checks her voicemail. “Hi Jen, it’s Nicole. Just wanted to let you know that Sister Walker had her baby last night. It’s three weeks early, but it sounds like everything went fine. Should we do dinners?” Jennifer calls Nicole back to get the details. Of course, the Walkers are at a different hospital than Sister Hawkins, on the other side of town. “Yes, let’s provide dinners for the family tonight and for the rest of the week. I’ll call Denise and ask her to coordinate everything.” As she hangs up and is about to call Denise, the phone rings again. “Hi Sister Williams, it’s the missionaries. You know Lisa, who came to church with us yesterday for the first time? We met with her last night, and she said she really liked it. The thing is, she’s not working right now, and says that she’s kind of short on food for her and her kids. Can we do anything about that?” Jennifer responds that she’ll talk to the bishop about what to do about the food and get back to them.
Jennifer’s “calling,” or her assignment within the church’s all-volunteer staff, is as the ward Relief Society president, or leader of the women’s organization of the local congregation. This gives her “stewardship” over all the women in the ward – and by extension their families – and makes her the busiest and most essential person in the congregation along with the bishop, who is the lay priesthood leader who presides over the congregation. Nicole and Denise are her two counselors; Mormon leadership positions are almost always constituted as a triumvirate. Some weeks Jennifer will spend upwards of thirty hours giving church service, making it the near equivalent of a full-time job even though she “doesn’t work.” For all her efforts she isn’t paid a cent – “I get blessings in heaven!” she recites when people ask how she does it.
Several phone calls later, Jennifer gets herself ready and heads out the door. In addition to her usual errands, she now has two hospital visits to make. Thankfully, Sister Hawkins will be just fine, and the Walker baby is healthy and adorable. She assures the father that the Relief Society will bring in dinners every night, and promises that women will help babysit his older kids if he needs to be at the hospital with his wife and newborn. Jennifer gets home only a few minutes before Emma and Ethan trot in the door. The next three hours are taken up with chauffeuring them to piano lessons, baseball practice, and gymnastics, then grabbing to-go pizzas on the way home. Just as the family is sitting down to dinner, the phone rings. She would ignore it, but it’s the bishop. She goes to the other room while Ethan prays and the family begins eating. She fills in the bishop on the missionaries’ request on behalf of Lisa. He asks her to go to Lisa’s house and assess the situation before he approves a church food order. She replies that she can drop by on Friday morning, after she drives Sister Moore to her doctor’s appointment.
After dishes, helping with homework, ten minutes on Facebook (mostly to see if she’s forgetting any ward members’ birthdays), more phone calls, and family scripture study and prayer, at 9:30 Jennifer collapses on the couch. She pulls up a recorded episode of Modern Family, asking herself whether she’s two or three weeks behind. She feels mildly guilty for watching a show that so clearly promotes “non-traditional” families – Sister Hawkins would surely disapprove – but figures it’s harmless in the end. And she could use a good laugh.
• Wednesday
Mike wakes up around the time that Jacob is pulling out of the driveway on his way to seminary. He puts on his headphones and cues up a talk from the church’s last General Conference, which he listens to as he goes for his morning run. After showering and joining Ethan and Emma for a quick breakfast, he heads out the door for work.
When he went away to college, Mike wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do when he grew up. After serving his two-year mission in Chile, he flirted with the idea of becoming a full-time seminary teacher. That quickly passed, but what stayed with him was that he wanted a job that would provide a good standard of living but also reasonable hours so that he could spend time at home with the kids and serve in the church. After weighing some options, and talking to a few people he knew from his parents’ ward, he decided to become a dentist. It wouldn’t require quite as much school as medical doctors, the pay was good, and he could be flexible with his hours. It was never really about the dentistry, though he took pride in his work. After a few years in a large practice, he set up his own private practice, with a big aquarium and train set in the front lobby to emphasize that he was family friendly. A lot of his patients are fellow ward members or other people they referred to him. The Spanish he learned on his mission also helped him build up a Hispanic clientele, and once a month he does pro bono work for immigrants who couldn’t otherwise afford to see a dentist.
Today Mike is feeling guilty. Not because of anything he has done wrong – everyone agrees that he’s the dictionary’s definition of a “nice guy” – but because of what he hasn’t done. In church the previous Sunday one of the lessons was about how church members should “share the gospel” with their friends, neighbors, and coworkers – “every member a missionary,” as one prophet quipped. Then the talk he listened to on his morning run was about the Great Commission, or Jesus’s commandment to his disciples to “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.” Mike thought of how, as a missionary in Chile, he had often quoted one of Joseph Smith’s revelations: “it becometh every man who hath been warned to warn his neighbor.” Mike knew he was a “good example” to people, and assumed that they thought well of his religion because they thought well of him. But he also knew that he hadn’t exactly been the world’s greatest “member missionary”; in fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he had given someone a Book of Mormon or brought a friend to church.
Now he resolves to do better. All morning while cleaning teeth and installing fillings, he silently brainstorms brilliant ideas of how he could share the gospel in and through his workplace. “I don’t want to offend anyone with a frontal assault,” he thinks, so he considers subtler methods. He could put a Book of Mormon, or at least a copy of the church magazine Ensign, on the tables in the lobby with all the other magazines. He could put up a little card holder with “pass-along cards” produced by the church, which has a phone number or website where people could request a Bible, Book of Mormon, or church video. He could invite his hygienist, who has worked with him for eight years, to come to church that Sunday when he would be ordaining Ethan to the priesthood, or ask if his receptionist wanted to send her son to the church’s Boy Scout troop, where he could meet all the Mormon kids and by extension his mom would meet the Mormon parents. Even better, he could find ways to talk to his patients about the church – after all, they trust him, and they are the ultimate captive audience. People know that his daughter Madison is on a church mission in France, so that provides a perfect conversation starter, especially when they find out that she gave up college, dating, and movies for a year and a half to be a missionary.
Energized with all his ideas, when the clock hits noon, Mike walks down the street to have lunch with one of his old college roommates. Back at work, he spends the afternoon filling cavities. Several mouths in, he has completely forgotten his morning’s elaborate strategizing to be a better member missionary.
After dinner that night, Mike drives Jacob and Ethan to the church. Wednesday night is activity night for the ward’s youth group, known as Young Men’s and Young Women’s. Mike is first counselor in the ward’s Young Men’s presidency, which means he helps plan the weekly activities and mentors the eight or ten boys who usually show up. Since Ethan just turned twelve the weekend before, this is his first time attending Wednesday night activities. But since he knows all the kids – and all the adults – from years in the church, he blends right in, and immediately is as loud and obnoxious as all the other boys. After an opening hymn and prayer, Ethan stays at the church with the twelve- and thirteen-year-old boys to learn how to tie knots, while Mike goes with Jacob and all the other fourteen- to eighteen-year olds to the Smiths’ house for a swimming party. The evening is mostly uneventful – Mike eats brownies and talks about the Lakers with Brother Smith, the Young Men’s president, while the kids swim. The evening’s one minor scandal occurs when one of the fifteen-year-old girls shows up in a two-piece swimming suit that is promptly deemed to be “immodest” by the Young Women leaders, who whisk her aside before any of the young men can ogle her. Fortunately the Smiths, who have two teenage daughters of their own, have “modest” one-piece swimsuits to spare. Crisis averted.
• Thursday
Emma, who is one of two Mormons in her fifth-grade class, comes bounding home waving an envelope. “Look, Mom, Olivia invited me to her birthday party!” Jennifer opens the invitation, and feels a pit in her stomach. “I’m sorry, honey, but the party is on a Sunday. Do you think a swimming party is appropriate for the Sabbath?”
Emma knows that “Keep the Sabbath day holy” is one of the Ten Commandments, right up there with the prohibitions against murder, adultery, theft, and lying, but the concept of a day of rest and worship is still a little too abstract for a ten-year-old. At dinner that night, the family discusses “appropriate Sunday activities.” Mike struggles to explain to crestfallen Emma why birthday cake around the table at home with family and friends is appropriate for a Sunday, but a birthday cake at the table at a pool party is not. Jacob chimes in that he has skipped swim meets on Sunday and feels blessed by God for doing so. In his heart Mike knows this is all a bit arbitrary – after all, other families in the ward have different Sabbath rules (some considerably more lenient, some even stricter), and he and Jennifer agree to disagree about whether watching NFL games is okay. (Mike figures that since he does it with the boys, it counts as quality family time.)
Mike extemporizes a mini-sermon for the occasion: “Joseph Smith once said, ‘I teach my people correct principles and let them govern themselves.’ God gives us certain commandments, but often doesn’t spell everything out. He expects us to use our agency and to figure out the best way to do his will. As members of his church, we can rely on the gift of the Holy Ghost to help us decide what is right and wrong.” Mike feels satisfied with his little discourse until he looks across the table and sees Emma in tears. She sobs, “But I really wanted to go to Olivia’s party!”
Jennifer jumps up from the table, remembering the Relief Society activity starting in twenty minutes. “I’m going to be late!” Mike promises to take care of the dishes and put the kids to bed while Jennifer hurries out the door. Tonight’s monthly activity is a cooking demonstration put on by Sister Jones, who spent two years in the Peace Corps in India and is going to teach the sisters how to make curry. Jennifer feels some pride in pulling this off, since Sister Jones hasn’t been to church for years. “I grew up in...