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Change
Allisonās Awakening
The Story
Allison wiped the last bits of shaving cream from Stevenās ears with the soft white cloth he seemed to like best. She kissed the top of his head as she wheeled him from the bathroom to the front hall. He twisted his head up at her and smiled, or so she hoped. It might have been another of the spasms that twisted his face and body throughout the day and even in his sleep.
Allison wondered if Steven understood that this day would change his routineāand hersāforever. Steven, at nineteen, could speak only with difficulty, and it seemed that Allison was the only one who understood him. He could not walk or feed himself, and all the daily business of Stevenās life had fallen to Allison. Of course, she thought, I wanted those so-called burdens. They brought the joy of knowing he had the best life he could with the disabled body and mind he was born with. She knew which foods he seemed to like and how to mash them so he could still taste the separate bananas and strawberries, yet swallow them without choking. She knew that he liked the blue soft pants best and had bought them for him in larger and larger sizes as he grew from childhood to boyhood and now to manhood.
Now she realized that as Steven grew larger, she no longer grew stronger. She remembered how, through the years, she had marveled at the increasing strength in her arms, her back, her legs. They seemed to strengthen exactly as she needed them to, bearing more weight as Steven grew. She sometimes felt that the physical bond during pregnancy, the umbilical cord between her body and Stevenās, had never been severed. Now Allison thought, I have grown older. Strength did not keep increasing. Her back had given out twiceāthat she admitted. Steven would have to be placed in a āfull-care facility.ā The very term shook her. It seemed so hard, so impersonal. She tried to think of it as a āhomeā but that brought up other images she didnāt like.
Allisonās thoughts were interrupted by the bell. A glance out the window showed her the brown van and the lettering āRosedale Farms.ā As she opened the door, Steven looked up at her with a question in his eyes, she thought.
He said, āMmm.ā
And she answered, āYes, Mommyās here and will always be here. But, remember, I told you that today we are going to a new home, where you will get everything you need, and there will be other people for you to be with. And there will be strong nurses to lift you in and out of bed, and give you baths. Iāve put everything you like in this suitcase.ā
Shirley, the social worker who had finally convinced Allison that she could no longer care for Steven at home, was at the door, along with a fit-looking young man she introduced as Jack. Allison began to push Stevenās chair out of the house, but Jack gently shouldered her aside and wheeled him away. As they rode to Rosedale Farms, Shirley and Allison reviewed all that Rosedale Farms would do for Steven.
Leaving Steven at Rosedale was the most difficult thing Allison had ever done. She felt split in two. She barely remembered how she got home that first time. But the bus ride became familiar to her as the weeks passed and she regularly visited Steven. To her surprise, he seemed just the same as he had been at home.
It was really Allisonās life that changed. There were many empty hours and days, time in which she had cared for Steven. She had no other routines, little to do. She was used to making do with little beyond the life insurance income her husband had left her. Now she wondered if that would be sufficient. What if Steven needed additional care? What would happen when she died? She began to look at ads in the newspaper. The years of caring for Steven did not seem to have prepared her for āwrd prfct windows, $16/hrā or āRetail/Sales: Your talents deserve the best.ā What did all of that mean? Just about nothing to Allison.
She thought sheād like to do what Shirley did. She liked how Shirley listened to her whole story, over many visits, without interrupting her or rushing her. She admired Shirleyās knowledge of how Steven could be helped. For days she thought about Shirley. She sometimes saw her at Rosedale, but Shirley was always busy helping patients or their families. And when Allison spoke to Shirley, she felt it would be cheating to talk about herself rather than Steven.
However, one day, when Shirley asked Allison, āHow are you doing?ā all of Allisonās thoughts came tumbling out. Allison ended, āI wish I could be like you, able to help people, be patient with them, and really know what I am doing.ā
āWhy not?ā Shirley asked. āYou certainly are patient. Look at how you cared for Steven, the time it took, all you taught him. That took incredible reserves of patience.ā
āOkay, Iāll grant that Iām patient, but that doesnāt give me the knowledge to say the right things.ā
āI learned all of that during my six years of study to become a social worker. It took four years of college and then two years of graduate study to do it. If you want to become a social worker, youāll have to use your patience for yourself. Think first about going to community college. You can start by looking at the bulletin of Sussex Community College. Isnāt that the one near you? It may help you with your thinking about what you want to do.ā
Allison left Rosedale no closer to an idea of what she could do. How could she possibly consider six years of school when she was already forty-four?
The next morning, in her new routine of morning coffee and paper, she saw an ad that seemed sent to her. The ad said: āWomenās Programs: Thinking of returning to school? Think Sussex Community College. Call 555-2387.ā
The college catalog arrived a few days later. Allison looked through it and then looked in the mirror. What was the use? A few days later, Allison prepared for her bus ride to Rosedale. She grabbed the catalog as something to read on the way.
Allison boarded the bus and looked for an empty seat. Only one. It was next to one of those young men, really boys, she instinctively distrusted. His hair was orange. His tee shirt was tattered. His jeans hung loose around him, and a giant key chain dangled from his waist. His high-top sneaker laces lay open. She looked around again. No place else to sit. Without looking at her seat mate, she sat down and opened the catalog. She wanted to separate herself from the boy sitting next to her.
āYo, lady,ā he said. āYou thinking of sending your kid to that school? I go there.ā
It was too much. Her boy was in a full-care facility. This jerk went to college. Something made her say. āNo, young man, I was actually looking at this for myself.ā
āCool, man. What are you going to like study?ā
āNothing!ā Allison said. She was overcome with bitterness.
He looked at her. āWhat do you mean? Are you coming to school and studying ānothingā? That makes no sense.ā
āLook, itās none of your business. But what I mean is Iām not coming to school. Thereās no use in my studying what I want to study. Iād be fifty when I finished.ā
āWell, look, I know this isnāt my business, just like you said, but the way I figure it youāll be fifty either way, if youāre lucky, when you finish or when you donāt finish.ā
Career Issues
In the story, Allison faced two major questions:
- ā How was she going to move from a life centered on the care of her son to a life in which she found fulfillment from paid work?
- ā Was she too old to go back to school and make the kind of change that would bring her satisfaction and success in work?
Here are some related career issues that many people face:
- ā Assuming new roles in life
- ā Letting go of old definitions of self
- ā Letting go of outworn images that limit the future
- ā Letting go of past work roles that are no longer productive
- ā Staying current and accepting the place of education and training in our work lives
- ā Understanding the importance of work and why we do it
Reflections
This story illustrates one of the central themes of this book: change. On the one hand, we want to hold on to our essential core, that which makes each one of us a āme.ā On the other hand, we recognize that sometimes we want to change. We may want to change in order to come closer to our individual ideal selves, or to meet new external situations and surroundings.
To change, we may have to let go of some part of ourselves or of something or someone we hold dear. We often feel that the parts we must relinquish are like the roots of a tree. We fear that if we give them up, or change them, like an uprooted tree we will perish. But just as the roots of many trees reach far beneath
To change, we often have to let go of some part of ourselves or of something or someone we hold dear.
the earth and thus are not seen, so too do our roots reach deep. They reach deep into our history, deep into the strengths we have developed throughout our lives, deep into our spirituality, and deep into all that nourishes each of us. We can call all of this the abundance of the universe. We cannot see the depth of the roots, but if, despite our fear, we act on faith that the universe will provide for us, we find that this is true. Our roots are deeper than we thought they were.
How can we experience the depth of our unseen roots? We can do so by becoming aware of our own stories and what they tell us about ourselves. We can also get in touch with our strengths through meditation. In the introduction to this book, we presented the idea of energy centers, or chakras. Each energy center is located in a particular part of the body and is associated with a color and aspects of oneās physical, mental, and spiritual life. The first energy center is at the base of the spine, in many ways the root of the body. Opening this energy center puts us in touch with all the material abundance of the world in which we live. Material abundance includes not only money and what money can buy, but the very earth itself, the air we breathe, and all that is tangible, from fishes in the ocean to the book you are holding. Later, in the meditation at the end of this chapter, you will see how to use the first energy center to connect yourself to the material abundance of the world.
As we look at change in our own lives, we can examine how our image of ourselves contributes to our willingness to change, how our emotional roots affect change, how changes related to work affect us, and how the universe prepares the way for our change through synchronicity. In this set of reflections, these are the major concepts you will find:
- ā Change and Self-Image
- ā Change and Emotional Roots
- ā Change and Work
- ā Change and Synchronicity
Change and Self-Image
Allison was Sleeping Beauty. While she may or may not have been a physical beauty, something beautiful lay dormant in her the many years she was caring for Steven. The boy on the bus, in his oversized jeans and Dennis Rodman hair, gave her the princeās kiss of awakening. She would be fifty under any circumstances. What did she want to do with the rest of her years?
The tale of Allison, like the tale of Sleeping Beauty, helps us see two ideas: that anyone can be awakened by the kiss or call of the prince, and that the prince himself wears many different faces. Indeed, in other fairy tales, it is the prince, imprisoned in the body of the frog, who is awakened by the kiss of the princess. Another version of the same story is āBeauty and the Beast.ā The prince imprisoned in the body of a beast is freed by the love of a beautiful girl. The second idea is that it is never too late in life to change. It is never too late to pursue the work that speaks to us from inside ourselves. Letās look at that idea the other way around as well. We are called to recognize our strengths, and it is never too late to hear that call.
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