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Awareness of Self and Others
The two pillars of emotional intelligence are self-awareness as a precursor to learning better self-management, and awareness of others as a precursor to learning better management of others (Goleman et al., 2001; Sosik & Megerian, 1999). Self-awareness and awareness of others are also the keys to happiness, to personal satisfaction, and to successful relationships (Bernstein, 2006; Lawson, 2004). If we want to be successful and happy, we must take responsibility for our feelings, thoughts and behaviours. We must not blame others for our choices. Paradoxically, as we become more self-aware, we become less self-conscious – less worried about how we look to others and about what others think of us. This allows us to be more self-less and better able to work with, support and give to others. Self-awareness also provides us with a richer inner life and the ability to identify and focus on what really matters to us – the people we love. The quotes and reflections in this section are focused on topics such as personal responsibility and choice, giving and sharing, diversity, confidence and security, inner spirit, strength and awareness.
Those who give hoping to be rewarded with honor are not giving, they are bargaining.
Philo, Egyptian philosopher (20 BC – 40 AD)
If we give with the expectation of return, or with the expectation of being recognised and rewarded for our generosity, it is not really giving. That is trading, purchasing or bargaining. Giving is selfless. There is no requirement for, or expectation of, return.
I give and I share. I gain satisfaction from the act of giving and sharing.
No man is hurt but by himself.
Diogenes of Sinope, Greek philosopher (410 BC – 320 BC)
It is important for us to remember that no one can hurt our feelings. People can say and do what they like, and if you really do not believe what they say, it cannot hurt you. It is what we think and feel about ourselves that can hurt us. What others think and feel cannot hurt us unless we let it.
I am confident. I am secure. I choose my thoughts and my feelings.
Cleopatra, Egyptian Queen (69 BC – 30 BC)
In a sense, when we love fully, we give our Selves and our lives to some one or some idea, and we die or expire metaphorically. In another sense, when we love fully we, our Selves, cease to matter most. The object of our love becomes more important to us so we no longer matter as much and again, metaphorically we expire. We end in the sense that we stop being the most important thing in the world. This can be considered one of the truest, most mature forms of love, to be willing to consciously give your life for or to another.
I love deeply. I am capable of choosing to put someone else’s needs before my own.
Beware the barrenness of a busy life.
Socrates, Greek philosopher (469 BC – 399 BC)
Busyness is a disease. It takes us away from the ones we love. It pulls us out of our inner selves and into the superficial outer world. It keeps us tired and lonely. It keeps us empty and numb. Only in stillness can we hope to find our Selves. Of course, we must make a living, go to school, take care of the kids and do the hundreds of things that are required to keep us healthy and happy on a daily basis. We also need time and space to rest and read, to think and to meditate, to be still and to play. We cannot fulfil our inner needs by staying outwardly busy.
I take time for my Self. I take time to be with the ones I love.
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent.
Socrates, Greek philosopher (469 BC – 399 BC)
Relationships are difficult. So is living alone. The modern media, especially the entertainment media, tend to idealize relationships. Love is often portrayed in its magical ‘happily-ever-after’ phase. We must remember that relationships require energy, effort, discipline and determination. After the initial infatuation is gone, love and successful relationships are as much a matter of decision as they are a matter of feelings. Likewise, remaining celibate, or at least unmarried, also has its costs. Like most things in life, there are costs and benefits to all of our choices.
I create my reality. I am in love because I choose to be in love. I am in relationship because I choose to be in relationship. I am alone because I choose to be alone.
At high tide, fish eat ants; at low tide, ants eat fish.
In life, few things are exactly as they seem at first and with time everything changes. This is difficult for many of us to deal with. Some people try to ignore the fact. Others try and control who and what they can to bring a semblance of stability to their lives, even though it is illusory. Since many people find comfort in the familiar, we must remember that it is best to look for this stability within.
I am here. My essential spirit is eternal.
How can you prove whether at this moment we are sleeping, and all our thoughts are a dream; or whether we are awake and talking to one another in the waking state?
Plato, Greek Philosopher (427 BC – 347 BC)
We do not know if our dreams are real or if what we think is our reality is a dream. When we dream, our dreams seem real to us at the time and we are only aware they were dreams when we wake up from them. Likewise, how do we know we are not really dreaming when we think we are awake? Will we someday wake up from what we thought at the time was real to find out that this life too was nothing but a dream? Is this what happens when we die? Will we really wake up at the end of this life and realise it was nothing but a dream within our larger consciousness? Consciousness and awareness are not well understood.
My consciousness is a gift and I am thankful for it. My awareness is a mystery and I revere it.
Until you know yourself you will be distant from God.
Rumi (14th century) Mystic poet
The very first step on the road to greater happiness, peace and contentment is self-awareness. The very first step on the road to greater achievement and success is self-awareness. The very first step on the road to spiritual enlightenment is self-awareness. Awareness is essential for all things good.
I am awareness of my Self. Every day I learn more about my Self. I grow to know my Self.
Do not look back my friend no one knows how the world ever began.
Do not fear the future, nothing is forever. If you dwell on the past or the future you will miss the moment.
Rumi (14th century) Mystic poet
While it is important to understand our personal and collective history, we would do well to remember that the past is not certain. Our individual and collective memories are fallible. While it is important to think about and plan for the future, we would do well to remember that every thing passes. Worrying about something that may or may not happen, wastes time and energy. It is most important to be conscious and aware of every moment. If we dwell on the past or the future, our lives will pass us by unnoticed.
I am conscious and aware. I understand the past and I learn from it. I plan for the future and I work toward it. I live now and cherish every moment of it.
True friendship is born out of love and is the water of life.
Rumi (14th century) Mystic poet
A friend is a second self.
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