Grace Meets Grit

How to Bring Out the Remarkable, Courageous Leader Within

Daina Middleton

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2016
• Print ISBN:
  9781629561394
• eBook ISBN:
  9781351817738
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Business General
• Index: Business

There is no mistaking that inequality in the workplace is still prevalent in the form of salary inequity and unequal representation in leadership and board positions. Too often conversations about inequality can lead to men and women believing they are alike. Women and men are not the same, biologically or psychologically, and these differences lead to significant dissimilarities in how each approaches leadership situations.  Grace Meets Grit navigates the previously unexplored subject of gender differences in the workplace specifically applied to critical leadership behaviors. Leadership behaviors are what make us all successful in the workplace. They are how we are evaluated against our peers and what we use to solve problems when working in teams. We also know that the most effective organizations work diligently to optimize these leadership behaviors.  Through stories of extraordinary, courageous women, Grace Meets Grit shows how to compensate for your innate style by "dialing up" leadership qualities you may not naturally possess. Middleton empowers women, in particular, to embrace their innate qualities and anticipate and apply behaviors expected of their male counterparts to help level the playing field. The end result is fewer misunderstandings in the workplace and higher performance from both individual leaders and teams.

PART I

Gender Differences in Leadership Style

I have been asked during an interview to describe my leadership style. I honestly cannot recall how I responded and I certainly did not respond with “I’m a transformational leader.” Nor did I consider the implications of gender on leadership styles until later in my career.

I’m willing to bet that the interviewers did not expect these responses either. Individuals obviously have different leadership styles that are influenced by a number of factors ranging from their age, class, race, cultural and ethnic background, and gender. As we work to diversity organizations, understanding these differences, along with specific leadership styles and behaviors are becoming increasingly important.

Now is the time for us to talk about our different leadership behaviors to facilitate greater understanding and also to consider what organizations are missing by not having these differences within their executive teams.

CHAPTER 1

Understanding Leadership Through Grace and Grit

Kate, a newly minted manager, was excited to attend her very first leadership staff meeting. She had recently been promoted to lead a team of five sales professionals. She had worked hard for this promotion: six years at the company, where she often spent nights and weekends demonstrating to the management team that she had the skills and commitment to move up the chain of command. Kate was simultaneously proud and apprehensive to be the only woman seated at the leadership table and one of the few women represented in senior leadership overall at the company. She felt honored to be pioneering the path for other women in the organization and hoped that company executives would recognize the value of having more women in management.

Kate and her peers, all of them men, were settled into their seats in the conference room when her new boss, John, came in the room a few minutes late and sat down. He appeared on edge and stressed, but, because this was her first meeting, she wasn’t sure if he was truly anxious or if he always appeared tense during staff meetings. She watched as he took a deep breath and explained: “We have a situation that I have just been made aware of, so, instead of focusing on the agenda we had planned, we have something more urgent to discuss,” he said. “I just learned that we are likely not going to make our revenue numbers this quarter, and we need to change that. This is going to require everyone’s immediate and undivided attention for at least the next few weeks.”

Missing the revenue quota was not the message the company wanted to send to the marketplace. Leadership had decided to tap everyone in the organization in an effort to generate immediate revenue and reverse the negative outcome for the quarter. The emergency project had been given a name to be a rallying cry for all involved: Code Red.

“We will meet again in the morning, and I want each of you to bring your plan to close the gap,” John said. He answered a few questions briefly and then concluded the meeting early so his team could get started on the priority project.

Kate walked out of the room and went directly to her assistant to clear her schedule so that she could focus on Code Red. Then she worked with her assistant to rebook her calendar with a number of new meetings. Kate decided to meet with her entire team so that she could thoroughly explain the situation to them personally. She then requested individual meetings with key members of her staff, a number of her peers, and others in the organization whom she felt could provide good insight into the project. She wanted to ensure that she was prepared to represent their point of view to leaders at tomorrow’s meeting.

Her plan was to gather as much information as possible in the organization so that she could walk into the meeting the following morning prepared to make a good first impression in her new role. She asked a number of questions in her encounters with individuals, including inquiring about how they would solve the problem. Her interviews continued late into the night as she gathered perspectives from peers and individuals around the world and assimilated the information in a comprehensive document that she could present the next morning.

She went to bed that night feeling optimistic about the number of individuals she had been able to connect with in a short amount of time and the depth of information they had provided. She thought she had even uncovered a unique understanding about seasonal patterns that had not been considered previously by the team. This discovery had the potential to prevent a Code Red from happening in the future.

What Kate didn’t realize is that her male peers took a very different approach to solving Code Red. Rick, also a new manager who was promoted just a month before Kate, left the meeting and also requested that his assistant clear his calendar, so he could focus on Code Red. But this is where the similarity with Kate’s behaviors ended. Rick’s requested a private conference room where he could focus exclusively and independently on Code Red. He needed a quiet space so he could think without interruption.

Once settled in the room, Rick sent out a number of directive e-mails to his team and peers telling them to perform specific, immediate actions. He instructed each individual to provide him with a status update by the end of the day, so he could be sure appropriate events were set in motion. Later in the evening he used these updates to prepare a summary e-mail to his manager, John, thoroughly outlining the progress made on each of the actions he had initiated, in anticipation of the meeting the following morning. John’s other direct reports (all men) followed a very similar approach.

Communication Styles and Leadership Behaviors

The seemingly subtle differences in the actions outlined in this example are what this book is all about. Rick, and his male peers, had a specific approach to solving the Code Red problem, one that most leaders in organizations would be familiar with, because, statistically, the majority of leaders are men. This leadership approach is based on the male communication style and is unconsciously the default approach in many companies. Rick and his male peers focused on directive actions that would have immediate impact. The e-mail they sent to John at the end of the day was an important status acknowledgement. Rick wanted John to know that he understood how important this project was, and to assure him that a number of immediate actions were already in motion to solve the problem.

John did not anticipate that his male managers would approach their preparation for the meeting in such a different way than Kate, nor was he specific about his expectations beyond setting the time of the next meeting. John didn’t think he needed to be specific, because he had always operated this way and his male managers seemed to intuit his expectations.

Kate’s approach was dramatically different, because her leadership approach to solving Code Red was largely based on her female communication style. She prioritized relationships first, ensuring her team understood the problem and heard it directly from her. She arranged time to meet with as many individuals as possible to gather information and ensure every person was well represented in the feedback. Not only did she feel the information others provided was valuable, she felt she had an obligation to represent the ideas of each and every team member up through the management chain of command.

As Kate conducted her interviews, she sought out information that was relevant not only to solving the immediate revenue gap but also to preventing a future Code Red. Finally, while she had assimilated her thoughts and prepared herself for the morning meeting, she didn’t consider informing John about her progress and assuring him of her dedication to Code Red as a top priority before the meeting as her male peers did. While relationships and big-picture thinking were at the top of Kate’s mind, status and immediate outcomes were the priorities for her male counterparts.

Misunderstandings Arising from Style Differences

This was Kate’s first opportunity to make a good impression on the management team. She handled the urgent situation with what she felt were her best tools: personal outreach to each member of her team, listening and gathering information from many sources, producing multiple ideas and solutions, and thinking forward about the future. But did she actually make a good impression on her male boss and peers? Think about the following:

• Did Kate blow it by not sending an e-mail to John, detailing her progress, before the meeting?

• Did Kate feel left out, wondering if she had missed critical expectations in the staff meeting, or perhaps that others had discussed a plan without her?

• Did John recognize the value of the forward-looking material Kate brought that might prevent future Code Red situations?

• Whom did John judge to be more competent at solving Code Red, Kate or Rick, in light of John’s leadership expectations’ being based on the male communication style of immediate action and status?

Code Red is a real workplace situation that played out just as it is described here, though the names have been changed. The actions of female versus male managers in this scenario are a classic case of differences in gender communication and leadership style. When we do not recognize or acknowledge that men and women tend to have different leadership strengths, these gender style differences often create minor misunderstandings. Sometimes, as in Kate’s case, these differences can leave women leaders wondering if they missed a set of instructions or feeling less competent than their male counterparts. At worst, I have seen situations where women lose their jobs because a male manager didn’t understand their different, yet valid, leadership style.

While you may not have experienced a Code Red, you likely have experienced work situations where your own communication and leadership style differed from that of your peers. I have witnessed situations like this many times throughout my career, but it took me years to recognize the source behind these behavior differences.

Differing Communication Objectives

One reason why women’s communications style differs from men’s is that the two genders have differing objectives. A woman’s leadership style is an extension of her communications style. Women use communication as a tool to enhance social connections and create relationships. They tend to care deeply about other individuals and believe relationships are critical to their personal and professional success. My own research has found that women believe they have an obligation as a leader to ensure that the opinions of others are voiced. When solving a problem, women often focus on the bigger picture and longer-term solution, even if it means sacrificing immediate activities or disrupting a tight timeline.

Men also activate their leadership approach as an extension of their communications style by using communication to achieve tangible outcomes, preserve hierarchy, and avoid failure. Accordingly, men often prefer to work independently, involving others only when they must. They are most comfortable relying on their own ideas and solutions, because maintaining independence is vital to their success. In this status-driven setting, the primary means of establishing rank is to instruct others. Prioritizing actions that drive immediate impact is of utmost importance to men.

Subtle Leadership Differences

The idea that men and women approach leadership from different priorities is often overlooked, primarily because the differences in style are often subtle and have not been thoroughly explored or even acknowledged. Or, if they are, it’s in a manner that either encourages women to adapt to the male standard, or the issue is conceded as simply not addressable. The accepted leadership standard is largely built on the male communication style, and companies rarely focus on addressing this disparity as part of the overall issue of gender equality in the workplace.

Inadequacy of the Equality Conversation

Gender in the workplace is not a new topic. Awareness around the need for gender equality today is not lacking. In fact, in some cases, I sense weariness inside organizations that have worked in their own ways to address gender issues. A renewed emphasis on gender in the workplace is also not surprising, given that conversations around gender equality have reignited over the last few years, thanks in part to passionate individuals, such as Sheryl Sandberg, Gloria Steinern, Melissa Gates, Hillary and Chelsea Clinton, and many others. As a result, a number of organizations have created objectives for managing gender bias and implemented training programs on gender bias.

Unfortunately, research has shown that neither gender-bias training nor a heightened awareness about gender equality is having an effect on changing organizational behavior.¹ As a former CEO, I encountered situations where men and women had gender-related communications misunderstandings, especially in the management ranks. As my awareness grew, I began to recognize these challenges were happening in other organizations as well, and I initiated conversations within my own team and with other leaders to heighten awareness and seek solutions.

Through the lens of heightened awareness, I observed situations in which misinterpretations caused disruptions in the workplace and, in two cases where I could not influence the outcome, cost women their jobs. I began to wonder if this wasn’t a contributing factor to women dropping out of the leadership pipeline altogether. To ameliorate the situation, I began experimenting with workshops and coaching sessions that I specifically created to drive awareness around gender differences and drive behavior change in the workplace.

Change Driven by Understanding Gender Differences

Helping men, women, and organizations uncover a different and deeper conversation about gender communication styles in the context of leadership behaviors is incredibly rewarding. For women, it is about helping them understand that they are not imagining things or suddenly going crazy, and that the rules do appear to actually change when women are at the management level. This is driven by the fact that the male leadership style is largely still the corporate standard, because—let’s face it—men are still in charge. Consequently, there really is a secret code in the most...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half Title
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Table of Contents
• Introduction
• Part I Gender Differences in Leadership Style
• Part II The Leadership Behaviors
• Acknowledgments
• Notes
• References
• Index
• About the Author