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1 | | Firm foundations: Attachments and beginnings |
The first chapter is all about beginnings; both behaviour during a babyâs first months of life, though also first principles in terms of understanding early emotional development. We explore exciting new developments in what we are learning about neurological development. We also look at the importance of developing secure attachments in the early years and how this should inform all of our planning and support. Understanding more about these two areas â early brain development and the formation of attachments â can give us a framework for understanding why babies, toddlers and young children behave and feel as they do and what we, in turn, can do to support them.
We will start this chapter by unpacking what we know so far, and then weave the implications into our explorations throughout the rest of the book, with an emphasis on working with childrenâs strengths rather than their challenges. Strengths-based approaches concentrate on the inherent strengths of individuals, families, groups and organisations, deploying personal strengths to promote development, aid recovery and empower. In essence, when we focus on health and well-being, we embrace an asset-based approach where the goal is to promote the positive rather than to emphasise the negative.
The developing brain
In her book What Every Parent Needs to Know (2007), Margot Sunderland paints a picture of the remarkable effects of love, nurture and play on a childâs brain development and behaviour. Our brains have evolved over millions of years and consist of three regions, each with its own function and linked to the others by a massive network of connections.
We each have a
- core reptilian brain situated deep and activating instinctive behaviours related to survival, such as hunger, breathing, temperature control, movement and primitive fight-or-flight reactions;
- a lower mammalian brain, or limbic system, regulating rage, fear, separation distress, caring and nurturing, social bonding, playfulness, and the urge to explore; and
- a higher human brain (or ârational brainâ) situated in the frontal lobes and responsible for problem-solving, reasoning and reflection, self-awareness, creativity and imagination and higher emotional behaviours such as kindness, empathy and concern.
Much of the infantâs brain develops after birth and this is why it is so susceptible to styles of parenting and care. When born, a baby has around 200 billion brain cells, but very few of those in the higher brain (which actually constitutes 85% of the brainâs total mass) have actually become connected. So you can see that babies are born with all the ingredients there but their brains are as yet âuncookedâ, as it were. Learning and development basically requires making connections between our brain cells, and there are critical periods of brain growth in the first five years. In fact, 90% of the growth of the human brain occurs in the first five years of life.
Because the childâs higher brain is so unfinished, it is inevitable that young childrenâs behaviour will be dominated by the emotional and primitive areas of the brain â there will be times when they appear to be all feelings and reactions. When strong feelings of rage, fear or separation distress overwhelm children, they need our compassion, soothing and physical comfort to be calmed so that their dysregulated body and brain systems are brought back into balance. Without this emotional responsiveness, the brain might never develop the pathways needed to cope with stress and strong emotions later in life. This one piece of knowledge should fundamentally change the way we view babiesâ and toddlersâ behaviour; as parents, practitioners and carers, we need to read the feelings and not simply manage the behaviour.
Why babies cry
If we are going to explore behaviour from the earliest age, then we must begin with crying behaviour. All young mammals are programmed to cry as a way of communicating their need for help. This makes crying a totally normal part of the babyâs life. Babies cry for many different reasons: hunger, tiredness, overstimulation, discomfort or separation â in fact, in response to the sheer nature and shock of the unpredictable world they have arrived in. Though it is hard at first to work out what their crying means, this becomes easier in time as a parent or dedicated carer becomes tuned in to their signals.
Crying usually peaks at around six weeks and then abates at around 12 to 16 weeks. After this time, older babies and toddlers will cry when they are cold, hungry, tired, ill or bored. Before words develop, crying is the babyâs only means of saying no and letting us hear their choices. For example, a baby who cries when passed to someone new might be telling you, âNo, I donât want you to pass me to someone else as I was so comfortable in your arms and Iâm not sure about their unfamiliar smellâ.
Crying in itself does not affect a babyâs developing brain â it is all part of the normal signalling system. However, prolonged and intense crying representing uncomforted and frightening stress, can be harmful. If left to cry like this for too often, a stress response system in the brain may be affected for life and this explains some of what we are seeing when we look at the behaviour of children who lack positive attachments (see âPatterns of attachmentâ later). When children cry in an intense, desperate way, their whole bodily arousal system is out of balance. Their whole body is primed for fight or flight reaction, with high levels of adrenaline, higher blood pressure and faster heart rate. Prolonged arousal and stress can lead to the body and brain becoming hardwired for hyperarousal, with various symptoms of stress throughout life.
Many of us simply do not realise that a babyâs bodily arousal system is still developing after birth and that soothing and calming really are essential parts of the care that we give. You can begin to see why it is so important to have a dedicated key person who knows a baby or young child well enough to interpret their signals and tune in to what they need from you. âGood enoughâ caring is simply not good enough for a babyâs healthy emotional development. Babies need the security of someone who knows their signals well, knows how to sooth and comfort them and can pitch the level of sensory stimulation at just the right level for the babyâs arousal system.
It is fascinating that, even with young babies, one can begin to see different patterns emerging in how much stimulation is âjust rightâ for each of them. This makes it so important for us to tune in to them before we make assumptions that an âall singing and dancingâ approach will be right for everyone. Some babies quickly become bored and need a higher level of input. Some startle very easily and become overloaded with stimulation; each is unique. Already we are beginning to see that understanding and working with young childrenâs behaviour is part and parcel of becoming a behaviour detective and tuning into what makes each child individual and responsive.
Thinking point: How good are we at listening to babiesâ behaviour?
We know that we must tune in to babies and young children if we are to support their attachments and emotional development. Whilst most of us can visualise how we might observe and tune in to older childrenâs behaviour, it is more challenging for us to think about listening to what babies are telling us through their behaviour. When it comes to babies, we can consider these four strands:
- Communicating effectively: Babies communicate all the time through their sounds, movement, actions and signals. Do we âhearâ and respond to these whenever appropriate?
- Encouraging participation: Our role becomes one of making sure that all can participate in what we have to offer. Do we offer a broad and balanced session? Do we help each baby to take part and feel cared for and successful?
- Tuning in: Are we good at tuning in to babies as individuals, recognising and interpreting their early communication? Can anyone do this, or does it take a key person who knows the baby well?
- Offering choices: Do we understand that babies have their own priorities, interests, concerns and rights too? Do we offer choices so that each babyâs individual needs and interests are met? In other words, how flexible are we able to be?
Attachment theory in simple terms
We have been thinking about how early nurturing and stimulation can affect the babyâs later emotional development. The ability to tune in appears to be central in promoting healthy attachments. Attachment theory argues that children develop a style of relating to important attachment figures in their lives which secures for them the best parenting or caring available under the circumstances. The study of attachments has opened up a whole new way of planning our care, assessing relationships and providing therapeutic support when things have gone wrong.
Function of attachment
We know of the importance of secure, healthy attachments from the work of John Bowlby and colleagues (1998). The purpose of healthy attachments includes the following:
- They ensure the childâs need for safety, protection and sense of security.
- Proximity seeking and exploratory behaviour are balanced at each developmental stage to maximise the childâs development.
- A healthy attachment becomes activated by threat and so ensures protection.
- The quality of attachment is related to how well parents or carers can tune in to the child, and so qualities in the caregiver or carer (and that includes early years practitioners) can affect it both positively and negatively.
- Through the pattern of attachment, growing children develop internal working models in their brains, which form the basis of personal-social development and how relationships are formed in the future.
- Secure attachment is a protective factor for positive mental health in later life.
From research (and there is a useful summary in Read, 2014), we now know more about patterns of attachment between parents and their children, and we can begin to identify those who are successfully connected or bonded from those who are not. Here is a simple activity to explain what connection looks like.
Thinking point: The Glums
Imagine you are sitting in a restaurant. In one corner, there is a couple who are obviously deeply in love. We will call them the Lovers. How do you know that they are in love â what behaviours do you actually observe? Make a list of these on a large sheet of paper.
Now imagine you are in the same restaurant and in another corner is a couple who are clearly not getting on very well. We will call them the Glums. What do you actually see or hear this time? Make another list.
Things to consider:
- Think about parents or carers and children who are attached or connected to each other â do you observe similar behaviours as the Lovers and the Glums?
- You now know what a connected child and carer look like. Can you also recognise when such a connection is not there?
- Think of ways you can support attachments/connections by helping parents or carers tune in to their children and to share pleasure in each other.
Patterns of attachment
The patterns of attachment remain remarkably consistent over time until the child is about six, and so can be observed, identified and worked with. There are some children whose challenging behaviour is very resistant to change. These are the children who can settle better if given secure attachment figures (such as a dedicated key person) to relate to who can support, offer consistency of handling, and be there to reassure, encourage and champion the child. They also respond best to the secure base of a familiar setting, routines and familiar faces. Parents and carers of children with attachment difficulties may find that their children are difficult to control, extremely angry and aggressive, very withdrawn or highly anxious and âclingyâ for much longer than is usual.
How can we understand these patterns? If a parent is unresponsive or rejecting of a babyâs cries of distress, that child may act as if he or she is independent long before being emotionally ready to be independent. Such children may pay little attention when their parents leave them at nursery, and seldom look at their parents or try to involve them in their play. This is known as a pattern of anxious-avoidant attachment. If parents are inconsistent in their responses, perhaps because of periods of depression, emotional detachment or separation, their children learn to cry or shout louder with their demands, producing a pattern of ambivalent attachment. There is also a pattern of disorganized or controlling attachment in which children develop a...
