Dealing with Difficult People

Fast, Effective Strategies for Handling Problem People

Roy Lilley

• Publisher: Kogan Page
• Year: 2019
• Print ISBN: 9780749486419
• eBook ISBN: 9780749486426
• Edition: 4
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Human Resource Management

Dealing with Difficult People will help you navigate the bullies, nit-pickers, manipulators and complainers who drive you mad at work. With example dialogue, techniques and tips, it will help you avoid horrible situations and keep your cool.By understanding the motives and individual behaviours of difficult people, you can learn to manage aggression, reduce awkwardness and remain the better person. Updated for 2019, this 4th edition of the best-selling Dealing with Difficult People features practical exercises, useful templates, and top tips you need to get the best out of the worst, including how to deal with difficult customers, dealing with difficult people in the digital sphere, advice on beating bullies at their own game and how to deal with a boss who drives you barmy. The Creating Success series of books...
Unlock vital skills, power up your performance and get ahead with the bestselling Creating Success series. Written by experts for new and aspiring managers and leaders, this million-selling collection of accessible and empowering guides will get you up to speed in no time. Packed with clever thinking, smart advice and the kind of winning techniques that really get results, you'll make fast progress, quickly reach your goals and create lasting success in your career.

02

The seven classic difficult types

(or how to sound like an expert in the time it takes to drink a cup of coffee)

Too busy to read the whole book right now? That’s fine, take a break and read these next few pages – it’s all you need for now. You’ll be an expert!

Recognize anyone?

There are seven basic personality types that get filed in the difficult tray. Elsewhere in this book I deal with many more types, but they are derivatives of the seven deadly sinners. Here’s the quick guide to becoming an expert complete with expert views from some leading thinkers for you to draw upon.

Table 2.1 Seven personality types

Type 1 Hostile, aggressive, belligerent and offensive
How can you recognize them? Frightening, alarming and downright terrifying. They are often bullies and control freaks. We are going to look at three main personality types for this category: The Sherman tank The sniper The exploder
The expert view The Sherman tank They come out charging. They are abusive, abrupt, intimidating, and overwhelming. They attack individual behaviours and personal characteristics. They bombard you with unrelenting criticisms and arguments. Sherman tanks usually achieve their short-run objectives, but at the cost of lost friendships, and long-term erosions of relationships. The sniper Snipers prefer a more covered approach. They put up a front of friendliness behind which they attack with pot shots, use innuendoes, non-playful teasing and not so subtle digs. Snipers use social constraints to create a protected place from which to strike out at objects of anger or envy. They pair their verbal missiles with non-verbal signals of playfulness and friendship. This creates a situation where any retaliation back at the sniper can be seen as an aggressive act, like you are doing the attacking not the defending. Much like the Sherman tank, snipers believe that making others look bad makes them look good. They also have a strong sense of what others should be doing, but their constant cutting remarks usually de-motivate colleagues rather than producing results. The exploder These tantrums can erupt out of conversations and discussions that seem to start friendly. Usually these tantrums occur when the exploder feels physically or psychologically threatened. In most cases an exploder’s response to a threatening remark is first anger followed by either blaming or suspicion. SOURCE Bramson (1988)

Type 2 Complainers, grouches and the sourpusses
How can you recognize them? Complainers moan like hell about everything but never seem to take any action to change anything. It is almost as if they like having something to moan about. Complainers are not the individuals who have legitimate complaints and a desire to find a solution to the problem. The complainer is someone who finds fault in everything. Sometimes they do have a real complaint, but rarely do they want to find a way to fix the problem.
The expert view The constant complaints can cause people around the complainer to feel defensive. Complainers view themselves as powerless, prescriptive, and perfect. These beliefs cause complainers to convert useful problem solving into complaining. Their feeling of powerlessness causes them to think that they cannot change things so they had better complain to people who can. Their prescriptive attitude gives them a strong sense for how things ought to be and any deviation from that produces complaints. Complaints are a way for the complainer to confirm that they are not in control or responsible for things that are done wrong, reaffirming perfectionism. SOURCE Bramson (1988)

Tip

Given that moaners and groaners have a strong sense of how things should be, could you harness their energy to enable them to change things to how they ought to be? It is important to take on board the idea that just because someone has certain character traits they are not necessarily a write-off.

Type 3 The silent, unresponsive and quiet ones
How can you recognize them? A silent, unresponsive person deals with any disagreeable situation by shutting down. Ask them what they think and you’ll be rewarded with a grunt!
The expert view The unresponsive use silence as their defensive weapon, to avoid revealing themselves, so they can avoid reprimand. On the other hand it can be used as an aggressive, offensive device as a way to hurt you by denying access. An unresponsive person in some cases might be distrusting of others, which explains their need to clam up. Sometimes, keeping the silence is used as a way to avoid one’s own reality. When words are spoken, they reveal thoughts or fears of the thinker, which can be frightening. It can be used to mask fear, sullen ang...

Table of contents

• Creating Success Online Courses
• Creating Success Series
• Taking Minutes of Meetings
• Contents
• About this book
• 01 A short course in human relations
• 02 The seven classic difficult types
• 03 Dealing with difficult bosses
• 04 Dealing with difficult colleagues
• 05 Dealing with difficult staff
• 06 Massaging the egoist
• 07 Handling aggressive people
• 08 Dealing with laziness
• 09 Beating the bullies at their own game
• 10 Moaners, groaners and critics
• 11 Perfectionists can be a pain
• 12 Manipulating the manipulators
• 13 Morale, attitude and how was it for you?
• 14 Fault-finders and nit-pickers
• 15 Gossip: a bush fire you can do without
• 16 The customer is always right – really?
• 17 Complaints: we love them
• 18 e-difficult@yourplace
• 19 Social networking
• 20 If things don’t change they’ll stay the same
• 21 A fast-track guide to conflict and how to handle it
• 22 And, finally, finally…
• Copyright