Aging in the Family

George E. Dickinson, Brenda S. Sanders, George Dickinson, Brenda Sanders

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9781138314863
• eBook ISBN: 9780429852497
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: Developmental Psychology
• Index: Psychology

With a rapidly aging population throughout the world, the issue of larger percentages of older adults has repercussions for both policy and the job market. Whether a university student about to seek a full-time job or a caregiver for an older person, Aging in the Family should enhance the reader's knowledge and skills.

The main topics covered in this volume include marital status of older adults, support systems within families, crises with older adults within families, the resilience of older adults entering the latter stages of life, practical information involving caregiving, aging in place, and various social services for an aging population. The reader will be made aware of intergenerational interactions between older adults and other family members in various cultures. The role of ethnicity and socio-economic status in health issues of older adults will be discussed, as will the application of technology to an aging population. Though problems certainly exist as one ages, the overall thrust of the book is toward the positive aspects of growing old.

Numerous theories exist to probe research and understanding of older adults in families. The relation between theory and research will be helpful to many students of aging in the family. Older adults are generally married, yet cohabitation and other options are alive and well too. Ageism, death, and abuse, unfortunately, are issues affecting aging. Yet, most older adults in the US and Western Europe report living independently and being satisfied with their lives.

Aging in the Family will be an interesting read for anyone wanting to learn about older adults and family relationships, as it exhibits a blend of both theoretical and practical matters.

1
Understanding aging in families

Learning Objectives

1. What do you consider to be your “family?”
2. How do definitions of family differ?
3. Can fictive kin be family?
4. How have demographic changes impacted older adults in the family?
5. What can we learn about aging in families by taking a historical perspective?
6. How do roles change as family members age with the passing of time?

Variety is the very spice of life, That gives it all its flavour.

William Cowper, 1784, The Task, ii, 606

In the 19th century, living to an old age was rare, yet one’s place within family and community was secure. In the 21st century, living to an old age is commonplace, but one’s place in family and society is profoundly uncertain.

W. H. Thomas, 2004, What Are Old People For? St. Louis: VanderWyk and Burnham, 105

Erma Bombeck (1978: 190) asked “When did I become the mother and the mother become the child?” Bombeck cites a nuclear physicist who once figured out if a woman has a baby when she is 20 years of age, she is 20 times as old as the baby. When the child is 20 years old and the mother forty, she is only twice as old as the child. When the child is 60 and the mother 80, she is only 1 ⅓ times as old as the child. When the child is 80 and the mother 100, she is only 1 ¼ times as old as the offspring. When will the baby catch up with the mother? asked Bombeck.

As the well-known physician William H. Thomas reminds us in the quote above, the rapidly expanding population of older adults adds an element of uncertainty to our society. Living to the ripe old ages that is common today was not part of the demographics of previous times, thus what changes this trend is making within society and how we are coping with this shift in population is the question. Certainly, to live a long life (assuming one is healthy and has decent housing and income) is a goal of many individuals, but just what is its impact on families? Older adults in the family no longer live nearby on an adjacent farm but likely do not even live nearby in our urbanized, mobile society. Dr. Thomas’ innovative, refreshing approaches relating to issues of an aging population will be addressed later in the book.

Why should one study the topic of aging in families? After all, does not every reader of this sentence have some kind of family membership, including an older family member, either through a marriage or from a blood relationship? Knowledge about families is something that is common to everyone, much like knowledge on sleeping and eating. Everyone around the world sleeps and eats, yet sleeping and eating patterns vary with cultural settings and are probably situations that most individuals cannot rationally explain. Can you explain, for example, why in the United States we typically eat three meals a day and eat our meat cooked, whereas in some societies two or even six meals per day are eaten and food is raw or occasionally preferred rotten?

As anthropologist Marvin Harris said in Cows, Pigs, Wars, and Witches: The Riddles of Culture (1974: 6): “We don’t expect dreamers to explain their dreams; no more should we expect lifestyle participants to explain their lifestyles.” From this quote, then it would follow that we should not expect family members to be able to explain their institution of family or their relationships with older family members. Certainly, an individual is even less knowledgeable of other groups’ institution of family. By studying aging and families, we can hopefully be in a better position to understand the presence of patterns showing how changes in society and the institution of family affect each other. As the institution of medicine has affected individuals’ life expectancy by enabling them to live longer, the “vertical stretch” has increased too with more generations involved, thus increasing the probability of more interaction between generations. Though we may think we understand families, in reality we can only become knowledgeable about it through studying the topic. If “variety’s the very spice of life,” then learning about aging in families should contribute a lot of spice to the reader’s life.

What is a Family?

A functional definition of family

In defining what is meant by family, one approach could be in terms of function. What is it that the family does for an individual and for society? Firstly, procreation (having children) comes from a familial environment (single parent or otherwise) and is that which produces the individual and provides future members. Secondly, an individual’s identity comes from a family under the guise of ascribed status, handed to us at birth and includes socioeconomic position and physical characteristics. Thirdly, family settings regulate sexual behavior through incest taboos. Having an incestuous relationship with a close biological family member comes close to being a universal taboo. Fourthly, socialization for the individual occurs within a familial environment. The family teaches the child what is acceptable and what is not. Fifthly, taking care (physical, emotional, and financial), as done to children who are dependent on others for survival, may also be extended to older adults who at some point may become dependent on others to care for.

From an anthropological perspective, the economic unit aspect of the definition of family is the essential ingredient of a family. Individuals come together to cooperate in the production and distribution of goods and services. It is the “cheaper by the dozen” argument. Two or more can accomplish more, through working together in a division of labor, than can one individual working alone. “A family relationship is more efficient” is another way of saying this.

Box 1.1 A son’s view of family

Several years ago when teaching in Minnesota, George Dickinson had a student from Liberia in West Africa. His father was the village chief, thus married to every woman in the village. His father was so well-known that an anthropological film was made about him and is popular in anthropology classes. He asked the student how many wives his father had. His answer was, “I have no idea.” In his village’s system, all of his father’s wives were his mothers and their offspring his siblings, though he personally only counted his own biological mother and his mother’s other child as his sibling.

Having become “Americanized,” he no longer accepted his native country’s marriage and family forms. Others in his native village, however, had dozens of mothers and scores of siblings, but only one father. The question of who is a kin would therefore receive rather different answers in various parts of the world.

A traditional definition of family

Just what is meant by the concept family today is not easily answered. What has traditionally been thought of as constituting family in the United States has been the nuclear family, a married couple with or without children who tend to live together. On the other hand, the extended family, three or more generations of family members, sometimes living together, is typically viewed as the larger family – grandparents, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, and cousins. There are various types of families who use a variety of functions to meet their needs for protection, procreation, nurturance, economic cooperation, and meaning.

The official definition of a family

A less narrow definition of family is this: A relatively permanent group of individuals related by blood, marriage or adoption, who live together, form an economic unit, and take care of their young. This definition of family specifies relations by blood (consanguine), marriage (conjugal), or adoption. Family by blood would be your biological parents, siblings, grandparents, children, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Family by marriage would be your spouse and your spouse’s parents and all of her/his blood relatives – your “in-laws.”

In many parts of the world, it is the consanguine ties that are the strongest. It is important to protect or carry out the “family name” or the blood relationships. Why do you suppose, for example, that some families name their sons after their fathers who were named after the grandfather, and so on – John P. Jones, Jr, John P. Jones, III, and John P. Jones IV? It is a way of highlighting the generational blood ties, going back to older family members. “I am the great grandson of John P. Jones and proud of it,” or at least the parents were proud of the name and the blood line when they named little Johnny at birth to be the fourth generation.

The United States Census Bureau’s definition of family is: two or more individuals living together who are related by birth, marriage, or adoption – with no requirement of having children. Basically, the Census Bureau refers to “family” as consisting of all related individuals in a family household. The Census Bureau refers to a person living alone or to a household in which the householder lives only with nonrelatives as a “nonfamily household.”

Individual constructions of definitions of family

Moving away from strictly blood or legal ties, families can be defined according to attachments and intimacy that individuals have toward significant others. This focus moves toward the nature and meaning of relationships. As noted earlier, it is what goes on inside of families that is important; structures are significant only as they affect family dynamics.

Intimate interaction involves personal and private behavior shared by individuals. Intimate relationships therefore include individuals’ feelings that result from intimate interactions. Individuals who define themselves as family – construct their own definition – do indeed constitute a family through a self-fulfilling prophecy (define a situation as real, and it becomes real in its consequences). Through their own eyes or their social construction of reality, they are family, despite the law which may say otherwise.

Families today are seen by most individuals as involving love, intimacy, and happiness. Therefore, family can be defined as two or more persons who live together in an intimate relationship, feel an attachment to each other, and share in various functions. Such a definition is inclusive of individuals with or without children and does not limit partners to opposite sexes. “Intimate” does not have to mean a sexual relationship. This definition of family does, however, limit the family to person s (more than one!) “living together.” It does not include what we think of as the extended family who likely do not live together.

The account narrated in box 1.2 entitled “Who Is My Mother?” regarding Officer Jones from the South City Police Department asking a middle-aged woman if she is Rodney’s mother, illustrates that “family” is what an individual perceives it to be, whether legally the case or not. In this situation, family involves persons by “choice.”

Box 1.2 Who is my mother?

OFFICER JONES: Are you the boy’s mother?

WOMAN: As much as he’s got.

OFFICER JONES: Well, where is his mother? Where does she live? Does the boy have a family?

WOMAN: She lives across town, but she don’t have nothing to do with him.

OFFICER JONES: Well who are you?

WOMAN: Esther Franks. I’m his momma.

OFFICER JONES: Just a minute. Who’s the mother? What are you saying?

WOMAN: I’m Rodney’s momma. I raised him since he was a baby. He’s mine to look after, so I got to claim him.

Source: Gubrium, J.F., & Holstein, J.A. (1990). What is family? Mountain View, CA: Mayfield Publishing Company, p. 119.

Friends as family

One essential fact about the family is that it does not take one fixed form. One way to view family is as your own choice; it is as you wish it to be. Negating legal and blood ties, define family as you will.

Fictive kin

An individual may feel very close to someone who is not family through blood, marriage, or adoption. This is especially true for those with few real family members. Such a close relationship may give a kin reference, but indeed that person is not related and is called fictive kin. That person may be a close family friend with whom one grew up, perhaps called “aunt,” yet an aunt in name only – therefore a family member by choice.

In some families, children have godparents. These “parents” are surrogate parents who are typically close friends of the parents. Godparents may either play a rather active role in the lives of the children or may simply have a passive role, limited to occasionally sending them a gift on their birthday or some other occasion. Godparents have no legal tie to the children but fulfill a sort of honorary position in the lives of the children. They are fictive kin – godparents.

Godparents tend to be more common in some religious and ethnic groups than in others. Additionally, exchange students from the ...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half Title
• Title
• Copyright
• Contents
• Detailed contents
• Preface
• 1 Understanding aging in families
• 2 Studying aging in families: theory and research
• 3 Aging, ethnicity, and socioeconomic status
• 4 Marital status of older adults in families
• 5 Support systems within families: reciprocity between older adults and younger family members
• 6 Issues for aging in families: death, abuse, and ageism
• 7 Grow old along with me
• Appendix: aging in place: resources and other “helps”
• Index