The Role of Religion in Marriage and Family Counseling

Jill Duba Onedera, Jill Duba Onedera

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2007
• ISBN:
  9781135917715
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Psicología
• Subtopic: Salud mental en psicología

Religion can play a vital role in the way people relate to each other, particularly with interpersonal dynamics within a family. The role of a couple or family's religion(s) in the counseling room is no less important. This book provides practitioners with an overview of the principles of the major world religions, with specific focus on how each religion can influence family dynamics, and how best to incorporate this knowledge into effective practice with clients.

SECTION II

Religious Context Within Marriage and Family Counseling

Chapters 3 through 11 focus on issues related to marriage and the family from the standpoint of specific religions. Authors of these chapters speak to philosophies and principles embedded in their respective religion that will provide counselors with a deeper conceptualization and understanding of their religious clients. The following issues are addressed as they pertain to each religion: (a) definition of marriage; (b) dating and cohabitation; (c) roles within marriages and families; (d) child bearing, birth control, abortion, teenage pregnancy; (e) finances; (f) dissolving relationships, divorce, annulment; (g) managing family after separation and/or divorce; (h) death and dying; and (i) homosexuality in couples and families.

Readers are encouraged to consider that due to limited space in this book, not all religious perspectives have been included. The choice of particular religious groups presented in this book were made on the prominence of this religion within the United States. In addition, authors of each chapter wrote from their own understanding of their affiliated religious tradition. Thus, it is possible that an author’s understanding may differ from that of the reader.

CHAPTER 3

The Practice of Marriage and Family Counseling and Catholicism

Jill D. Onedera

“No theological principle … is more characteristic of Catholicism or more central to its identity than the principle of sacramentality” (McBrien, 1994, p. 1196). Through the intervention and power of the Holy Spirit, the Catholic Church recognizes sacraments as unique signs that are meant to build up the kingdom of God (Pennock, 1998). The seven sacraments include Baptism, Confirmation, the Eucharist, Penance, the Anointing of the Sick, Holy Orders, and Matrimony. The sacraments also represent outward signs of Christ’s presence and God’s relationship with his people. Through these signs, Christians are able to see God in all things (Groome, 2002). For example, it is through the sacrament of marriage that partners can see an outward sign of God in the behaviors of the other partner. The sacrament of marriage also behooves each spouse to consider how one’s own behaviors promote the love of Jesus Christ through interacting with each other. Even still, through the exchange of marriage vows and the process of matrimony, couples celebrate Christ’s presence between each other, while also among family and friends at the wedding ceremony.

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church (Catholic Church, 2003), sacraments also are efficacious. That is, Christ Jesus works Himself through the sacraments. For example, in marriage, Christ promises to sustain the couple throughout their life journey and to sanctify their sexual love, and to empower them to be signs of love to each other. Through the sacrament of marriage, the Holy Spirit enters and provides the couple with power to maintain their relationship “till death do them part.” Finally, sacraments also hold persons accountable. Through the receiving of a sacrament, persons respond faithfully and work toward carrying out the gifts that God has provided. Consequently, married couples are expected to exercise their virtues given to them by Christ, namely by nurturing their relationship with kindness, faithfulness, humility, love, and a forgiving heart.

Counselors can work better with Catholic couples and families when they consider the basic underpinnings of Catholicism and its sacraments, as well as how this foundation provides guidance for families as they carry out even the most mundane of daily tasks. It is through particular life cycle stages (i.e., marriage, death) that couples and individuals become in touch with the spiritual, namely, how Christ is revealed through such experiences. Pope John Paul II noted that “willed by God in the very act of creation, marriage and the family are interiorly ordained to fulfillment in Christ” (1981, p. 2). Couples and families whom are rooted in their Catholic faith will strive to live their lives through their actions, words, and deeds based within this faith. The purpose of this chapter is to highlight some of these basic truths grounded within Catholic marriages and families and how counselors might best work with such clients.

Definition of The Matrimonial Covenant

In the sacrament of marriage, a baptized man and woman mutually and exclusively give themselves to each other in an act of irrevocable consent. Through their vows, they are joined by Christ in union that will be marked forever by respect, concern, compassion, and commitment (Lawler, Boyle, & May, 1998). Marriage, as described by John Paul II (1997) or the sacrament of creation, can be traced back to a passage found in Genesis: “A man … cleaves to his wife and they become one flesh.” It is through this passage that Catholics believe marriage is reflected as an unbreakable union of two different lives that become “one flesh” (Catholic Church, 2003, no. 1605).

The Catholic Church draws on other passages within the Bible to further explain the meaning of marriage. For example, in Ephesians 5:22–25, it is written:

Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his Body, and is himself its Savior. As the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her …

Later in Ephesians, “For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the Church, because we are members of his body” (5:29–30).

Needless to say, it is important for mental health professionals to understand the symbolism between marriage and the relationship between Christ and the Church. The sacrament of marriage is compared to this very special relationship that Christ has with members of his Church. St. Thomas Aquinas suggested that the union of Christ with His Church is signified through marriage (Weisheiple & Larcher, 1980). In other words, a groom’s relationship with his bride should emulate the love that Christ has for his Church. As Christ devotes, cherishes, and nourishes the Church, so should husbands and wives do within their marriage (John Paul II, 1997). The Catholic Church does not leave couples to guess how this love should permeate their relationship, however. Through the teachings and Catechism of the Catholic Church (Catholic Church, 2003), couples are provided with ample guidance and direction for improving and/or maintaining a healthy marriage. Some of the basic teachings will be addressed in the following subsections. Counselors are behooved to consider such teachings when working with couples who are struggling to maintain love and commitment in their marriage. Couples who are struggling to keep their marriage grounded in the Catholic belief system might struggle with feelings of failure or guilt. Counselors might address such feelings, as well as encourage them to lean on the guidance the Catholic Church provides. In addition, couples should be encouraged to consider and make meaning of Christ’s forgiving nature in the context of their marriage for healing and recovery.

The Goods and Requirements of Marriage

“I promise to be always faithful to you, in joy and in sadness, in sickness and in health, and to love you and honor you all the days of my life.” It is through a couple’s marriage vows that they make a matrimonial consent, proclaiming through words and body their new life in Christ and in the Church (John Paul II, 1997; May, 2000). By the means of marriage as a sacrament, both the man and woman are called to bear witness by acting in ways that portray conjugal love. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (Catholic Church, 2003) states:

Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter—appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectively, aspiration of the spirit and will. It aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul; it demands indissolubility and faithfulness in definite mutual giving; and it is open to fertility. In a word it is a question of the normal characteristic of all natural conjugal love, but with a new significance which not only purifies and strengthens them, but raises them to the extent of making them the expression of specifically Christian values. (no. 1643)

The Unity and Indissolubility of Marriage

Marriage is not a human-made relationship, but a covenant “completed by communion in Jesus Christ, given through the sacrament of Matrimony” (Catholic Church, 2003, no. 1644). Furthermore, this relationship is seen as a commitment for life and a moral obligation for two persons to remain together as long as one’s partner is alive. As previously mentioned, the relationship between husband and wife should be symbolic of their relationship with Christ (John Paul II, 1997).

The Fidelity of Conjugal Love

Married couples are called to remain faithful to each other, as Christ is faithful to His Church. However, the Catholic Church does not take the position that couples will remain in marital bliss and will feel love throughout their relationship. Its position is quite the contrary; however, the Church believes that God’s grace, as well as the Church community, is upon all married couples keeping them sustained and encouraged in all difficult times.

Consequently, infidelity is not an option. The Church teaches that maintaining fidelity, even in tempestuous times, is sustained through a couple’s love and friendship. This love and friendship beget self-sacrifice, mutual help, support, and cooperation within the marriage (Lawler et al., 1998). In addition, this marital love and fidelity can be fostered through marital intercourse.

The Openness to Fertility

The Catholic Church teaches that every marital act (intercourse) should be one that is open to new life. However, that is not to say that the function of the marital act of intercourse is only for reproduction. It is the act by which both partners become one loving organism where each is giving oneself freely to the other. It is a freeing act that is open to love and life. Thus, any intentional impediment to procreation during the marital act is considered to be both an antilife as well as an antilove choice (May, 2000). It is within such an act that husband and wife are not giving themselves freely to each other and the sexual union is no longer considered a conjugal act, or one that leads to the forming of both hearts and souls (Catholic Church, 2003, no. 1643).

Marriage Preparation

Couples seeking marriage in the Catholic Church usually are required to participate in Pre-Cana, or a formal marriage preparation process (Drinan, 2003). It is through this preparation process that couples are educated about the goods and requirements of Catholic marriage. This marriage preparation can be in the form of a conference, retreat, or workshop. It is lead by a priest, as well as by other married couples who are living out the sacrament (Pennock, 1998). During the preparation, engaged couples learn about the seriousness of the marriage sacrament, specifically what their new responsibilities will be as they enter this permanent contract with each other. Other issues examined in Pre-Cana are interpersonal in nature, namely, communication skills, the role of faith in the marriage, finances, parenting issues, value and belief systems, and plans for the actual marriage ceremony. Professional counselors who are working with engaged or married couples might talk to them about their experiences and discussions during this process. In addition, counselors might inquire about issues that the couple wished they had more time to discuss during the marriage preparation.

Dating and Cohabitation

The Catholic Church provides clear guiding principles about dating and cohabitation. It is imperative that professional helpers understand these basic tenets when working with practicing Catholics who are dating and/or cohabitating. Chances are that clients are aware of these principles and either have chosen to disregard them or are struggling with living out their Catholic faith while at the same time behaving in ways that are contrary to it. With such knowledge, professional counselors can help clients make meaning out of their decisions and present situations in the context of what the stances of the Catholic Church are. In no way should helpers condemn divergent behaviors; rather, clients should be heard and allowed to come to peace with the decision that they have made or will make after careful consideration of their Catholic belief system.

The Catholic Church understands that human sexuality is a part of basic human nature. In fact, sexual feelings, thoughts, and desires are considered natural. However, the Church teaches that any type of sexual expression (i.e., intercourse, petting, masturbation) is special and should be a sign of one’s commitment to another person (Singer-Towns, Claussen, & vanBrandwijk, 2004). Further, such commitment cannot be assumed in a temporary situation such as dating or engagement.

Chastity, or the “successful integration of sexuality within the person and … the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being” (Catholic Church, 2003, no. 2337) is required of all non-married Catholics. By practicing chastity, persons become apprentices in self-mastery and are neither victims nor slaves to their sexual passions or appetites. The virtue of chastity allows persons to reach inner peace, self-determination, and self-control. Furthermore, a relationship based in chastity allows persons to love freely without selfishness, aggression, or unwarranted expectations (Lawler et al., 1998). The beauty of chastity, as seen in the Catholic Church, is that this virtue allows all persons, married and unmarried, to more fully live out the Christian life, specifically in their interactions with others (Flaman, 1999).

As might be suspected, cohabitation is not supported within the Catholic Church (John Paul II, 1981). More specifically, the Catholic Church’s stance is that “human love does not tolerate ‘trial marriages’” (Catholic Church, 2003, no. 2391). In fact, some Catholic dioceses have formal policies regarding cohabitating couples who want to be married. For example, one diocesen policy requires cohabitating couples to settle for a more simplistic marriage ceremony. Another policy requires cohabitating couples to split their living arrangements for at least six months prior to the marriage (Schaeffer, 1996).

Roles within Marriages and Families

Catholic families (and couples) are considered to be members of the “domestic church” (Catholic Church, 2003, no. 2204). It is within this community that members of the domestic family are called to proclaim, serve, and celebrate the Gospel of Life (John Paul II, 1995). Further, all members are responsible in bringing action to the Gospel through his or her individual gifts, charisms, and ministry. Within the family, the love of spouses and the full acceptance of children is one way to celebrate and proclaim the Gospel of Life. Parents also proclaim the Gospel of Life by raising children to honor God, to understand the depths and effects of suffering, and to respect others, specifically those whom are sick and elderly (Catholic Church, 2003, no. 92; Pope Benedict XVI, 2006). Parents are encouraged to enroll children in formal religious education throughout elementary school.

Members of Catholic families are called to initiate themselves within society through the provision of care, support, and help given to other families whether they are Catholic or not. More specifically, family members are responsible for taking care of and supporting the old, the young, the handicapped, the sick, and the poor within society (Catholic Church, 2003, no. 2208). It is the responsibility of parents to teach their children to be socially responsible and alert at early ages. Children are taught to be respectful of the dignity of others and the importance of carrying out relationships with all persons in good will (no. 2213).

Duties of Children

The Catholic Church teaches that children should be held responsible for two basic duties including respect for parents and as adult children, being responsible for parents. Young and adult children should exercise filial piety or respect for their parents. Children are called to express g...