Interpersonal Relationships

Diana Jackson-Dwyer

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2013
• Print ISBN: 9780415429160
• eBook ISBN: 9781135102067
• Topic: Psychologie
• Subtopic: Geschichte & Theorie in der Psychologie

With a more specific focus than the all-encompassing textbook, each title in the Foundations of Psychology series enables students who are new to psychology to get to grips with a key area of psychological research, while also developing an understanding of basic concepts, debates, and research methodologies. In this book Diana Jackson-Dwyer presents an introductory survey of classic and recent research on relationships and the theories that underpin them.

The book starts with a brief overview of the place of relationships within the history of psychology and of their evolutionary roots: our need to belong, to attach and to affiliate. After a look at methodology, it considers different types of relationships: kinship, friendship, loving and mating. Theories are advanced to explain the formation, maintenance and breakdown of relationships. The book draws on a wide array of contemporary research, and covers issues ranging from rising divorce rates to cultural variations in mating patterns, the issue of gay marriage, and the effect of the internet on relationships.

Each chapter contains numerous pedagogical features which will help students to engage with the material:

• Chapter-specific learning objectives and summaries of key points
• Study boxes presenting reflective exercises, research questions, and issues for discussion
• Glossaries and suggestions for further reading

Assuming no prior knowledge of the subject, Interpersonal Relationships provides an accessible and up-to-date overview of this vibrant area of psychology. The book will be ideal reading for students who are new to higher-level study - whether at school, college or university, and will also be useful for first-year undergraduate students taking introductory courses in psychology.

1

In the beginning

The roots of relationships

What this chapter will teach you

• The context of the study of relationships within psychology.

• Why attachments are important to our survival.

• The ways in which a baby is innately pre-programmed to develop attachments.

• What is meant by affiliation and how it affects us.

No man is an island, entire of itself.

—John Donne.

Humans are essentially social beings. As countless novels, films, songs, plays and poems testify, our ultimate happiness and despair is founded in relationships. Satisfaction at work, at play and in family life depends largely on the quality of our friendships and loves. When Klinger (1977) posed the question ‘What is it that makes your life meaningful?’, almost all respondents (89%) mentioned one or another kind of personal relationship as something that contributed meaning to their lives; for many it was the only thing they mentioned. Friendship is of paramount importance to most of us: in one survey it was rated over power, recognition, excitement and a comfortable life by 85% of people (Bibby 2001).

KEY TERM

Relationship A relationship exists to the extent that two people exert strong, frequent and diverse effects on one another over an extended period of time.

Relationships contribute both to our most uplifting experiences and to our darkest. On the positive side they are a source of life satisfaction and well-being; they contribute to good mental and physical health as well as longevity. On the negative side, poor relationships can cause enormous stress and the lack of them is a source of loneliness and isolation. In essence, although relationships can be hell, we can’t live without them. ‘They are an unlimited, indefinitely sustainable resource that we can all enjoy and from which we can all benefit’ (Perlman 2007, p. 14).

So what is a relationship? There is such a huge variety of relationships – those with lovers, family, teammates, co-workers, neighbours, the local shopkeeper, your doctor – that this is not a simple question to answer, although we all probably know one when we see it. A useful definition is offered by Kelley et al. (1983) who suggest that a relationship exists to the extent that two people exert strong, frequent and diverse effects on one another over an extended period of time. Whatever the definition, most relationships include the following three aspects: interdependence, need fulfilment and emotional attachment.

It’s important to remember that although we may think of relationships as based on emotions and feelings, in fact they are things we do. They occur in the context of everyday life; in fact they are everyday life: shopping, gossiping, working, sorting out our leisure activities, discussing the news, deciding what to have for dinner (Duck 2007).

The study of relationships within psychology

Given their huge importance in our lives, it is hardly surprising that relationships have been a major preoccupation of philosophers and writers since recorded history began. Within psychology they crop up in many areas due to the fact that they influence so much of our behaviour that there are interpersonal aspects in most branches of the discipline. Some of the most important are:

• Freud’s theory: the role of parent–child relationships in personality development.

• Developmental psychology: how personality is shaped by a person’s attachment history.

• Social psychology: how people influence and are influenced by others, e.g. social facilitation; social loafing; conformity and obedience.

• Personality theories including the Big Five theory, in which two of these facets, extroversion and agreeableness have obvious interpersonal ramifications.

• Cognitive psychology: how babies are ‘prewired’ to have cognitive abilities that facilitate the formation of relationships, e.g. the ability to visually track a human face virtually from birth; language acquisition.

• Health psychology: the recognition that any comprehensive intervention involving both physical and mental health must take account of people’s relationships.

Given this, it is perhaps surprising that interpersonal relationships was not a dedicated topic area in psychology with an empirical body of knowledge until the 1980s. It’s true that there were precursors to this: there was research in the 1960s and 70s but it concentrated mainly on studies of attraction with the result that a huge amount of information was gathered about one rather narrow field. We learnt about the influence of good looks, that similar people rather than opposites attract, and that proximity has a great influence on attraction. Research methods were limited, mainly laboratory studies in which samples of college students were asked for their almost immediate reactions to strangers, or responses to a bogus person who had completed an attitude questionnaire. In the latter case, absolutely no contact between real-life people ever took place. Duck (1995) complained that such research did not look at many of the run-of-the-mill interactions involved in everyday life, such as playfulness and joking, managing routines like cooking, cleaning and bathing the children, and the mutual understanding that derives from such ordinary interchange.

Recognising these limitations, and probably in recognition of rising divorce rates, the 1980s onwards saw an upsurge in the study of established relationships: what makes them stable or unstable, happy or unhappy, enduring or short-lived? Researchers began to investigate the link between relationships and many areas of well-being, including life satisfaction, longevity, the treatment of many forms of mental illness, the strength of the immune system and effectiveness both at work and school. Research into interpersonal relationships became far broader and now presents a much more complex picture of human relationships. It includes not only the positive elements – the delights, laughter and joy of friendship, romance and family – but also the negative elements – the irritations and annoyances that we all recognise as part and parcel of relationships. It also tends to look at the course of real-life relationships over a considerable period of time and thereby investigates the factors that contribute to satisfaction, dissatisfaction and the means by which we deal with the changes in our feelings towards other people. In addition, research has looked at the profound effect relationships have on our health, both physical and mental. Such research has a wide variety of practical applications and contributes greatly to our understanding of what makes us happy and fulfilled and what makes us profoundly miserable.

This research, however, is tough! Just as no person is an island, so no relationship is an island – they all exist within a social context. Think of any relationship in which you are involved (workmates, friends, marriage partner, family) and you will see immediately that all them are part of a complex network of other relationships, not simply an emotional experience between two people. This factor, combined with the enormous variety of relationship types, provides a great challenge to researchers in relationships.

Theoretical perspectives

There is no single theory that unifies relationship research but it is helpful to outline some of the major theoretical perspectives that have emerged within this field. They are not mutually exclusive, rather the reverse since attachment theory is based on evolutionary theory.

Reinforcement theories

These were very influential in the early research and are still important today. Reinforcement theories are based on the premise that people behave in a way that is rewarding to them. They initiate and remain relationships that have positive outcomes but once the balance is tipped towards the negative then these relationships are unlikely to survive. This is the basis of a variety of theories including social exchange theory, interdependence theory and equity theory, as discussed in Chapter 4.

KEY TERMS

Reinforcement theories Theories based on the assumption that people behave in ways which are rewarding to them and desist from behaviour that has adverse consequences.

Evolutionary psychology This approach looks at the way in which behaviour has been influenced by evolved biological mechanisms that enhances survival and/or survival of offspring.

Attachment theory This theory states that the first relationship a child has with its caregiver profoundly affects later relationships, especially in terms of what a person comes to expect in terms of support and trustworthiness.

Evolutionary psychology

This is a later entrant to the stage but of enormous influence in this field. Evolutionary psychology is guided by the principle that behaviour is influenced by evolved biological mechanisms. This perspective argues that humans are social animals because group living enhances their chances of survival and reproduction. In consequence, humans have evolved the need to form relationships.

Attachment theory

This emphasises not only our evolved biological tendencies but also the influence that our early experience of relationships has on our capacity to engage in satisfying relationships later in life. According to attachment theory, the caregiver–infant relationship profoundly affects what a child comes to expect in terms of support, empathy and trustworthiness.

Affiliation, attachment and the need for social contact

Humans possess no impressive physical abilities: we have no sharp teeth or claws, no outstanding visual capabilities; we can’t run fast or leap from tree to tree. We have no warm coat and, in most climates, could not survive without artificial help. Our children are born utterly helpless and remain incapable of independent existence for many years. Given these limitations, how have we climbed to the top of the evolutionary ladder?

The challenge in human evolution is the same for all species – reproduction and development of offspring to reproductive age. If we have not risen to this challenge via physical capabilities, the key to our success may lie in human sociality (Caporeal 2007). Many of the abilities that enable humans to adapt to a wide variety of physical environment are dependent on cooperation and collective knowledge both within and between generations. Social groups defend people against environmental hazards, predators and hostile outsiders. Social groups enable tasks to be shared so that those who are protecting the vulnerable young can be provided for by others who hunt and forage for food. Information, as well as tasks, can be shared so that actions can be coordinated to the advantage of the whole group. Most tasks are more easily completed successfully when people do them together rather than alone, whether grinding grain, harvesting fruit or hunting large animals. Evolutionary pressures, therefore, have led us to live in close proximity to other people for purposes of protection and to form groups that help solve the problems involved in survival and reproduction more effectively. Natural selection has, to this end, produced a strong motive for affiliation as part of the human psyche.

KEY TERM

Affiliation Seeking the company of others and interacting with them in a positive manner.

The need to belong

Baumeister and Leary (1995) have argued that humans have evolved a need to belong, which is a fundamental motivation. The belongingness hypothesis states that humans need to ‘form and maintain strong, stable interpersonal relationships’ and that this need ‘is a powerful, fundamental, and extremely pervasive motivation’ (p. 497). According to these researchers, we therefore have an innate need both to affiliate – that is, to seek the company of others – and to form and maintain a number of positive, lasting and significant interpersonal relationships. This need can only be satisfied by frequent interaction with familiar people combined with persistent caring. Since this need can be almost as compelling as a need for food, human culture is shaped by the necessity to provide belongingness.

KEY TERM

The belongingness hypothesis This states that humans have a powerful, innate motivation to form and maintain strong, stable interpersonal relationships.

The belongingness hypothesis is consistent with the following characteristics of humans (Baumeister & Leary 1995).

• People in all cultures form into groups; social bonds form very easily within any society.

• Babies have an innate need to form attachments and form them with their caregivers very early in life (Bowlby 1...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half Title
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Table of Contents
• List of illustrations
• 1 In the beginning: the roots of relationships
• 2 Methodology in relationship research
• 3 Determinants of interpersonal attraction
• 4 Theories of attraction
• 5 Types of love
• 6 Types of relationships: 1 – friendship and kinship
• 7 Types of relationships: 2 – loving and mating
• 8 The development of relationships
• 9 The maintenance and effects of relationships
• 10 The deterioration of relationships
• References
• Name index
• Subject index