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SECTION ONE:
SELF-CENTERED BOSSES
He that wonât be counseled canât be helped.
Benjamin Franklin
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The Narcissistic Boss:
The âWhat-I-Want-Most-Is-to-Be-Worshippedâ Type
Other people are quite dreadful. The only possible society is oneself.
Oscar Wilde
DECIPHERING THE DEFECT
Narcissistic bosses are, quite simply, egomaniacs. They are self-absorbed to the point of arrogance. They exhibit an insatiable desire for attention and admiration, and they have a compelling need for others to recognize their superiority. The narcissist is the type that must always be rightâwhether he or she is pontificating about the introduction of a new product, reduction of the federal deficit, or the athletic superiority of a favorite basketball team.
While these self-centered traits may wear thin on those who work for a narcissist, these same traits can facilitate the climb up the organizational ladder. Narcissists speak with an air of confidence and self-assurance. They remain calm in the face of crises, and they do not hesitate to take credit for workplace successesâwhether or not they deserve the credit. It is, therefore, common to see narcissists occupying positions of authority in the workplace.
Mark is the newly appointed Assistant Area Engineer at our local office of the State Highway Department. He has only been here for two weeks, yet even before he came, Markâs reputation preceded him. He was touted as a brilliant engineer, a high-volume producer, and a real workaholic. In short, he was considered by those upstairs to be quite a talent. Since he has been here, we have all discovered he is talented. Heâs talented at snowing the execs, at buffaloing themâhe has them brainwashed. They think Mark can walk on water, and he thinks he can, too. We just keep wondering how anyone can believe all the self-aggrandizing propaganda Mark spreads about himself. (junior engineer, female, age 26)
Narcissists are grandiose. They have an overinflated sense of their own self-importance and self-worth, and they leap to the conclusion that others should sublimate their personal needs and goals to attend to them. Because they feel innately superior, narcissists expect special consideration and treatment from everyone they come into contact withâfrom subordinates, to clients, to their auto mechanics and dry cleaners. Narcissists feel, in one word, entitled.
He was the type who would get up from his desk, walk out to the secretaryâs office, and ask her to file a folder in the cabinet that is right behind his chair. He could have filed it in two secondsâin a lot less time than it took him to ask the secretary to do it. But he liked to come out of his office and loudly issue commands. I think it made him feel important. He was starved for attention, for recognition. And his hunger was never satisfied. (insurance salesperson, female, age 32)
Narcissists demand to be the center of attention in every situation and they are opinionated to the point of being deaf to othersâ suggestions. They operate under the unwavering conviction that they, and they alone, are right. âIâ and âmeâ are always preferred to âweâ or âus.â Narcissists long to be admired, praised, respected, and envied. To make sure this happens, they will grasp for more power, more status, and more money. They cherish the financial resources necessary to acquire symbols of successâsuch as sprawling homes, expensive imported cars, and fancy doodads such as portable computer/fax/photocopier combos. In fact, narcissists are somewhat of a paradoxâalthough they have a very inflated ego, they also need accolades from others. This may make narcissists appear dependent, but they are not. While they will accept praise, narcissists have little regard for otherâs opinions. Narcissists canât really depend on anyone because of their underlying doubt of othersâ talents and their need to look down on others.
Ramiriz, the Chief of Police, was difficult on the best of days. He felt he was âGodâ and didnât hesitate to remind the rest of us that we werenât. Chief Ramirizâs feelings of superiority manifested in many ways. But most especially, he was fond of belittling you in front of others. He would say things such as, âAre you suffering from a rectopticalidis?ââwhich meant he thought your optical nerves and rectum were crossed. (dispatcher, male, age 34)
Narcissists expect to be loved for the unique qualities they believe they possess. They convince themselves that they are, in reality, special. Fantasies of grandiosity preoccupy their thoughts. Their accomplishments are unrealistically overrated, yet at the same time, the narcissistâs ambitions are never satisfied. Although appearing energetic, they are competitive, exhibitionistic, smug, and selfish. They may at first appear dignified, but most soon learn this is attributable to the narcissistâs underlying vanity and feelings of superiority.
Josh is the manager of the menâs department in the store where I work. His favorite personal stories revolve around some type of self-admiration. His conversations seldom deviate from that subject. Josh tends to surround himself with others who can appreciate his incredible attributes as well as he canâif that is possible. (retail clerk, female, age 19)
PREDICTABLE REACTIONS TO THE PATHOLOGY
When taken in small doses, narcissists can be quite entertaining, even charming. It is a common initial reaction to be overwhelmingly impressed by their eminence. The casual observer can easily equate their air of self-assurance with competence and charisma. To those who decide about promotions, the narcissist may be perceived as possessing extraordinary powers of persuasion and creative genius. Employees with low self-esteem are also likely to be taken in by the narcissist. In fact, some become disciplesâdefending to their death the narcissistâs leadership abilities. These workers respond to the narcissist with unquestioned respect and obedience.
But most, even those who initially admired the narcissist, eventually realize the egomaniac is exaggerating his or her self-importance. Sooner or later, the narcissist will appear immodest and pretentious. Irritation then takes over. Oneâs gut reaction is to try to burst the narcissistâs balloonâto expose him or herâto let out all that hot air.
Pat is an officer in the United States Navy. When Pat walks into the room, itâs like roaches when the light gets turned on. Her overbearing presence makes it difficult for employees to even approach her with suggestions for improving productivity. Instead, we have learned that Pat is more interested in boasting about her athletic abilitiesâwhich she exaggerates far beyond reality. First of all, Pat is every bit of 5â2â tall and weighs 145 pounds. These are not necessarily the statistics that make up a world-class volleyball player. But to hear her, you would think she retired from pro ball and took up the military as a hobby. (aviation trainer, male, age 27)
As time wears on, though, irritation is likely to turn into anger. Employees come to realize that their relationships with the narcissist lack depth. The narcissistic boss canât empathize or recognize how others feel about a situation. He or she canât take joy in othersâ pleasures, and canât feel sympathy for othersâ pains.
Even worse, narcissists are extremely exploitative. While the narcissist fully expects special favors from employees, he or she feels no need to reciprocate. Therefore, it is common to feel taken advantage of. The narcissist does take others for granted. He or she lacks personal integrity and is not above fabricatingâor telling outright liesâto preserve an image.
Marissa, my supervisor, is like a two-year-old walking around in a womanâs body. She eats up a lot of our valuable work time expounding about her fictional exploits, so I canât get my work done. And if that isnât bad enough, when I finally do have time at work to come up with something novel, she steals my idea. Itâs like these ideas come to her through divine inspiration or something. (greeting card designer, female, age 37)
The narcissist is also likely to be a rule breaker, the type that believes policies were formulated for everyone but him or her. So the narcissist is not likely to be concerned about attendance or tardiness. In fact, the narcissistic boss may not be around much. He or she often becomes involved with external professional associations, community activities, consulting, or some other high-profile activity where his or her exposure will be increased.
The narcissistic boss doesnât like details. Details are trivial issues that waste the narcissistic bossâs magnanimous talent. Instead, particulars are delegated so the boss can concern himself or herself with more âimportantâ issues. But rest assured, this boss not only delegates details, he or she also delegates responsibility for failures. Narcissists accept accolades for successes but distance themselves from misfortunes.
Narcissistic bosses cannot tolerate negative feedbackâfrom anyone. They consider criticism to be a direct attack on their self-image. And, they react to criticism with rage and humiliation. Their estimation of the evaluator plummets. But narcissists are most likely to mask these violent reactions behind a facade of cool indifference. They implode rather than explode. But ⌠the narcissist doesnât forget.
Working for a narcissist is likely to stifle your creativity and initiative. After all, why bother trying?
The worst boss I ever worked for was Roger. He was above average in intelligence. Unfortunately, someone must have informed him of that at an early age. Regardless of the topic, he had an opinion. Since he would always belittle us, we stopped making suggestions. In fact, to be honest, we got sloppy about our work. But that only reinforced Rogerâs perception that he was far superior to us. It was a lose-lose situation. Within weeks, literally, a top-performer would devolve into an incompetent fool. Roger was like an infection. Once he contaminated the organization, the disease was extremely persistent. It just festered and continued to take hold, even after Roger was promoted to another facility. The healing process will take a long time, Iâm afraidâeven though the virus has finally been removed. (software developer, male, age 39)
One of two things invariably happens when the boss is narcissistic. Either: (1) the narcissist will criticize your work as being sloppy and sophomoric, or (2) the narcissist will take credit for your accomplishments. Instead of feeling guilty about basking in othersâ limelight, the narcissist simply concludes, âWow! I really inspired herâ or âGee! I taught him well.â
Randiâs favorite two âsportsâ were trapshooting and foxholing. Trapshooting refers to the idea that, âthe only good ideas are the ones I have.â Foxholing, also known as CYA, is a pattern of digging and ducking during turbulent times. Times were definitely turbulent. Randi was also quite skilled at purse-snatching. She had an uncanny ability to show up just at the right time and steal my ideas. (systems engineer, male, age 31)
Predictably, narcissists are horrendous in teams. Sharing the spotlight does not come easily to the narcissist. But the narcissist doesnât mind if fans congregate in his or her shadow. Like a sheepdog rounding up the flock, the narcissistic boss can easily sense those who are perceived to be appropriately responding. Employees who are submissive and servile will likely be taken into the narcissistâs inner circleâor fan-club. Because these employees are rewarded by the narcissist, many will be tempted to âplease the bossâsâ at any costâeven though doing so may not be in the best interest of the employing organization. When this happens, priorities get screwed up, inter-office competition becomes the norm, and once competent workers are transformed into brainless robotic âyes-people.â All the while, this stroking fertilizes the narcissistâs ego.
WHEN THE NARCISSISTIC BOSS LOOKS IN THE MIRROR
Looking in the mirror is an activity that the narcissist will savor. The problem is that what the narcissist sees is someone truly believed to be superior to all others. The narcissist is not putting on an act. All that boasting, all that bravado, all that bull reflects how narcissists see themselves.
I was teaching my classâabout twenty minutes into my lecture, and in walks Joe, all puffed up and oblivious to the fact that he was interrupting. Without even a glance in my direction, Joe started handing back papers to the students that had just left his class and come to mine. When I started to protest, Joe quipped, âWell, what youâre talking about canât be as important as me giving out my grades.â How can you even argue with a person like that? (professor, female, age 56)
As obnoxious as narcissists are, they have been around since the beginning of time. In fact, the term ânarcissismâ evolved from classical Greek mythology. Narcissus spurned the love of his suitor, Echo. Because of this, the gods punished him by making him fall in love with himself. One day, Narcissus was wandering past a pond when he caught a glimpse of his reflection. He was so enamored by his image that Narcissus couldnât tear himself away. He was forever doomed to gaze at himself. There, at the edge of the pond, Narcissus died. Then he was changed into the flower that bears his name and grows at the edge of springs.
In reality, everyone is a little narcissistic. Donât we all linger over our reflection a little longer than required to comb our hair or shave? Donât we all enjoy tooting our own horn sometimes? There is nothing wrong with this. In fact, it is healthy. Some psychotherapy treatments actually attempt to instill narcissistic traits in patients with low self-esteem or masochistic tendencies. Even the popular press encourages narcissism. Books such as The Art of Being Selfish and Looking Out for Number One increase the legitimacy of self-absorption. But there is a line between health and pathologyâand narcissists have crossed way over that line.
Mental health experts disagree on the causes of narcissism. Some theories attribute narcissism to parental rejection. In this scenario, the narcissist learns early on to trust only himself or herself and to love himself or herself above all others.
Larry sees himself as superior. I can testify to that because I happen to work out at the same health club where he does. I notice him put on the additional weights whenever other engineers are in the vicinity. His actionsâtrying to always impress othersâmake we wonder if he has any self-worth at all. (engineer, male, age 28)
Other theories attribute narcissism to parental overvaluation. Thus, narcissists are socialized to expect special treatment. But whatever the cause, the effects can be intolerable.
Narcissists have blind faith in the perception that their personal worth far exceeds anybody elseâs. And this exaggerated sense-of-self bolsters their feelings of optimism. A narcissistâs mood is often untroubled, relaxed, and lighthearted. They suffer from few internal conflicts. Narcissists are so convinced they are special that this assumption is never questioned. Narcissistic bosses treat themselves kindlyâself-gratification is a normal part of the narcissistâs existence. They revel in their perceived charm, intelligence, and ability.
Although narcissists can brush off skeptics as being ignorant, they experience optimal gratification when employees worship them. But narcissistic bosses donât expect to have to do much to earn such adoration. In fact, narcissistic bosses believe that employees should feel honored and grateful just to work under the supervision of such an incredible leader.
PRESCRIPTIONS FOR PERSEVERING
To the healthy employee, narcissistic bosses appear condescending, narrow-minded, contemptuous, and pig-headed. But you canât change them. And they donât want to change themselves. They are pleased with their exalted station. The best you can do is skillfully maneuver around them in pursuit of peaceful co-existence. The following guideposts are offered to assist you in your trip.
Close the Door but Open a Window
The narcissist is very capable of making bad decisionsâbig, bad decisions. The challenge is to not let the narcissist lead you blindly down a failing course of action. This means that sometimes you will have ...
