Counseling Gay Men, Adolescents, and Boys

A Strengths-Based Guide for Helping Professionals and Educators

Michael M. Kocet

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2014
• Print ISBN:
  9780415509411
• eBook ISBN:
  9781136447426
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: Education in Psychology
• Index: Psychology

Counseling Gay Men, Adolescents, & Boys: A Strengths-Based Guide for Helping Professionals and Educators provides practitioners and educators with critical information needed to help navigate the therapeutic and educational terrain of working with gay males. While other books address a broad range of issues when working with LGBTQ individuals, this volume devotes its focus to the specific needs of gay boys, adolescents, and men. This book also presents an important perspective about individuals who identify as bisexual and transgender, and examines the intersection between gender and sexual orientation. Readers will find practical resources, tools, and clinical case studies for mental health practitioners, professionals in school settings, educators, administrators, and medical personnel serving gay males.

Part I

Understanding the Developmental Needs of Gay Men, Adolescents, and Boys

1 Coming Out and Identity Development Needs in Gay Men, Adolescents, and Boys

Joseph J. Manera & Dennis A. Frank, II

“Coming out” or “coming out of the closet” refers to the developmental process that gay boys, adolescents, and men go through as they accept and then reveal their sexual orientation to other people (Schubotz & McNamee, 2009). The phrase “coming out of the closet” is a metaphor that has been used since the 1970s to symbolize the sense of relief that gay and lesbian people feel after coming to terms with being gay and then telling other people, as well as openly associating with other gay people.

Coming out is not a singular action or a one-time event; it is an on-going process that spans many months or years, and for some people “coming out” is a life-long process. Unlike ethnic and racial minorities who often visibly identity with their cultural identity, gay men are not visibly identifiable and, therefore, must identify by self-report. In other words, gay men are only considered to be gay if they define themselves as such (Greene, 1994). Gay boys typically grow up in families and communities that are outside of the gay community and the transition from a presumed heterosexual identity to a gay identity is a complex and often solitary journey (Frank & Cannon, 2010).

The heterosexist assumption that individuals are straight until and unless they disclose being gay led to the development of idealized linear stage models that describe common experiences of gay identity formation and integration that are part of the coming out process. These models focused on the resolution of internal conflict related to identification as gay, and inform what is commonly termed the coming out process (e.g., Cass, 1979; Coleman, 1982; D’Augelli, 1994; Savin-Williams, 1988; Troiden, 1988). There is general agreement between the different theories that coming out is a developmental process and, while there is less agreement on the number of stages and the necessary associated tasks, they do share common characteristics. According to Gonsiorek (1995), these models typically begin with a stage in which individuals use numerous defense strategies to block or minimize the recognition of personal same-gender feelings. The process of expending energy to deny or minimize these feelings may have negative consequences for overall mental health. Yet, for many individuals, a gradual recognition and cautious acceptance of same-gender feelings emerge as they come to accept their feelings.

Identity Development in Gay Men and Boys

Much has been written about the process of identity development in human beings. This chapter will focus on identity development in gay men, adolescents, and boys, an oft-marginalized group that has unique considerations that need to be taken into account when exploring issues of selfhood. The goals of this chapter are to summarize the most significant models of identity development, address issues that pertain to specific age groups of gay boys, adolescents, and men, and discuss concerns that relate to specific cultural groups.

Definitions

Berger and Luckman (1966) posited that theories about identity are, at their cores, rooted in theories about reality. Cass (1984) describes reality as all that “reflects our past experiences, present social and psychological functioning, and future aspirations” (p. 109). Identity theories can be likened to broad canvasses depicting various permutations of self along the lifespan.

According to Cass, the term identity incorporates all of the self-perceptions an individual maintains, the affects associated with them, and the self-perceptions of an individual’s ideal future self. An individual’s identity encompasses a blend of his view of himself and his beliefs on how others perceive him. An identity is successfully developed only when self-perceptions and perceptions of others’ views of self align.

In reviewing the work of various identity theorists, Cass identified several commonalities. Significantly, most major identity theorists considered identity in both individual and social terms. Cass (1984) noted that theorists refer to “a personal aspect of individual functioning conceived of as self-representations and self-perceptions” (p. 110). This is generally referred to as personal identity or self-concept. Theorists also refer to “a social aspect of identity that is the representation of the personal aspect to others in a relatively consistent way” (p. 110). This is generally termed public identity or social identity.

So what, then, should an effective identity development model aim to achieve and explain? Cass (1984) suggests that solid theories should meet the following criteria: they

(1) offer a clear definition of what “identity” means and of its relationship to self-concept, (2) outline the structural components of identity, (3) trace the changes that occur as identity develops, and (4) describe both internal and external factors influencing such changes.

(p. 118)

Furthermore, detailing the cognitive, behavioral, and emotional changes an individual encounters through each stage of development is crucial in any theory (Cass, 1984). These are the pieces that imbue a model with meaning and grant it its heartbeat.

Models of identity development should also address the milestones that gay men potentially achieve during their lifetimes. Troiden (1989) described the criteria for adopting a homosexual self-identification. He explained that, before gay men can identify themselves in terms of a particular category, they must learn that such a category incorporating their activities or feelings (i.e., same-sex attractions) actually exists. They must then learn that others are members of this social category; that gay men constitute an actual group. Most gay men subsequently realize that their own needs are more similar to those that occupy this newly discovered social category (other gay men) than they are dissimilar. At this point, gay men generally begin to identify with individuals in this social category, and they ascertain if they meet the criteria for membership in this group based on their emotions and behaviors in a variety of contexts.

Gay men may choose to label themselves in terms of the social category of “gay men” in relevant situations. Troiden posits that prior to self-identifying as a gay, a man will experience “generalized feelings of marginality, and perceptions of being different from same-sex peers” (p. 50). Self-designation as homosexual, particularly in conjunction with meaningful contact with other gay men, allows opportunities to learn about being gay and potentially increases feelings of belongingness with a group while reducing feelings of alienation. After labeling himself as gay, a man might then “incorporate and absorb these situationally-linked identities into [his] self-concept over time” (p. 49).

Models of Identity Development

Most of the models for identity development in gay men follow a similar progression. Most identity development models adhere to what might be referred to as an Essentialist perspective. They describe a trajectory from first same-sex attractions, through a range of potentially challenging experiences, to some kind of resolution.

Vivienne Cass

One of the first models of homosexual identity development was proposed by Vivienne Cass (1979). Cass’s model, developed during several years of clinical work with men who identified as gay, describes how individuals come to contemplate and then adopt homosexual identities as pertinent dimensions of self. Cass’s six-stage model encompasses both private and public aspects of personality and is informed by interpersonal congruency theory. Interpersonal congruency theory posits that “stability and change in human behavior are dependent on the congruency or incongruency that exists within an individual’s interpersonal environment” (p. 220). Cass hypothesized that the incongruency between a person’s homosexual feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, and his environment spurs movement from one stage of the model to another. Homosexual identity formation is viewed as a process in which one moves from defining oneself as non-homosexual to defining oneself as homosexual.

Case Study:“Ben”

“Ben” is in his mid-20s, born and raised in a suburban neighborhood. Growing up, Ben’s supportive but conservative family instilled the idea that his future would involve a wife, children, and a charming house with happy sunflowers in the window boxes. Bright and quiet, Ben felt different from other boys for as long as he could remember, but he did not begin to suspect he may be gay until age 13. Ben struggled with feelings of guilt and shame, and he often felt disconnected from his peers, whom he worried would ostracize him if they knew “the real Ben.” Ben was active in school with sports, activities, and academics, but he felt he was “always on the periphery, never inside the circle.”

Stage 1 of Cass’s model is Identity Confusion. In this stage, an individual labels his own behavior as potentially homosexual. This realization begins the identity formation process and presents an incongruency, as the individual’s feelings and behaviors clash with his perception of himself as heterosexual. As a result, he experiences distress and alienation. He links homosexual feelings and behaviors with the possibility of being homosexual. Ben entered this stage around age 13, when he began to masturbate, which heightened his awareness that his sexual fantasies involved men. Ben had previously managed to convince himself that his attractions to men were not sexual, but it became increasingly difficult for him to do so. This awoke within Ben feelings of anxiety, confusion, and fear. He began to imagine that he might actually be gay, and found it difficult to reconcile a possible homosexual identity with his (and his family’s) visions for his future.

According to Cass, individuals resolve their conflict in the Identity Confusion stage in one of three ways. The first response is to attribute meaning to homosexual behaviors and feelings, and to view a potential homosexual identity as correct and acceptable. In these scenarios, incongruency is intensified—for example, a man may think of himself as heterosexual but finds himself sexually and emotionally attracted to a male friend. This necessitates passage into the second stage of identity development.

The second potential response is for the individual to perceive his behaviors and feelings as accurate, but undesirable. This closely aligns with Ben’s emotional reaction to the possibility of being gay. Ben felt he could “pass” as straight by associating himself with stereotypically “masculine” activities. He joined the football team, although he would have secretly preferred to spend his after-school hours taking a dance class or joining the school chorus. According to Cass, a man inclined toward this second response might inhibit any behaviors that could be perceived as gay, restrict any information he might receive relating to homosexuality, or deny that such information pertains to him. The ability to withdraw from potentially provocative situations and employ defense mechanisms such as denial are key in inhibiting homosexual behaviors. Unsuccessful attempts herald the beginning of what could become a self-hating identity.

The third potential response is for the individual to determine the meaning of his behavior as incorrect and undesirable. In this case, an individual re-frames his behavior as non-homosexual. For example, he might redefine physical intimacy with another man as “an experiment,” “being taken advantage of,” or “a favor for a friend.” He might choose to define passionate kissing and showing emotion as homosexual, but rationalize that genital sex only constitutes “fooling around.” At any stage in the developmental process, identity foreclosure occurs when an individual chooses not to develop further.

If identity foreclosure has not occurred at the end of Stage 1, the individual moves toward Stage 2, Identity Comparison. In this stage, an individual begins to realize that adopting a homosexual identity means that all of the guidelines for behavior, ideals, and plans for the future that accompany heterosexual identity no longer apply to him and are replaced. The task in Stage 2 is to manage the resulting social isolation that arises. Individuals might respond to this task by enjoying being different, accepting the homosexual meaning of one’s behavior but finding a homosexual self-image undesirable, accepting oneself as homosexual but not accepting homosexual behaviors, or accepting neither homosexual self-image or behaviors. Individuals in the latter category, who are unsuccessful in denouncing homosexuality and viewing themselves as heterosexual, are at risk for suicide. Marszalek, Cashwell, Dunn, and Heard Jones (2004) noted that individuals in Stage 2 of Cass’s identity development model are increasingly able to express same-sex feelings but that acceptance of those feelings would require more abstract thinking.

Ben spent his high school and early college years suppressing his homosexual identity, but a number of factors softened his stance. Especially meaningful to him were the friendships he established with a supportive group of classmates and increasingly positive media presence of out gay men. Seeing positive examples of homosexuals shifted Ben’s perspectives on what it might mean to be gay, and he began to allow himself to more fully embrace the fact that he is, in fact, gay, and that this might not actually be a bad thing. Ben eventually came out to select friends and family.

Stage 3 of Cass’s model is Identity Tolerance. The greater level of commitment to a homosexual identity that marks the end of Stage 2 creates additional dissonance between the way the person sees himself and the way others view him. In this stage, the individual often feels isolated and begins to seek out others of the same persuasion. Cass (1979) asserted that superficial contact with other gay men is insufficient for meeting the person’s social needs: “Although making contact with other homosexuals is important at this stage, a more critical factor is the emotional quality of that contact” (p. 230). Individuals may respond to the same situations differently based on personality, preference, and temperament: “One person, for example, may find a bar or nightclub exciting … whereas another may find it depressing” (p. 230). Several variables might contribute to negative experiences—timidity, fear of being exposed, feelings of inadequacy, or poor interpersonal skills.

After initiating the coming out process, Ben began to dip his toe into the local gay scene, feeling a range of emotional experiences: nervousness at the possibility of being “seen” at a gay bar, excitement at being able to act on his fantasies, and a certain melancholy that he had “missed out” on experiences during his teenage years. According to Cass, Stage 3 can be a thrilling time for a gay man. While there are various risks and stressors, there are also opportunities to meet romantic partners, learn ways of managing identity, create a social network of gay friends, seek out role models, and feel more at eas...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Half-Title Page
• Series Page
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Table of Contents
• About the Editor and Contributors
• Series Editor’s Foreword by Mark S. Kiselica, PhD
• Preface: From Struggle to Resiliency—Supporting and Strengthening Gay Males
• Acknowledgments
• Part I Understanding the Developmental Needs of Gay Men, Adolescents, and Boys
• Part II Cultural Issues with Sexual Minority Men, Adolescents, and Boys
• Part III Developing Integral Partnerships in the Treatment of Gay Men, Adolescents, and Boys
• Part IV Counseling Special Populations: Sexual and Gender Minority Boys, Adolescents, and Men
• Index