Therapist Stories of Inspiration, Passion, and Renewal

What's Love Got To Do With It?

Michael F. Hoyt

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2012
• eBook ISBN: 9781136240096
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: History & Theory in Psychology
• Index: Psychology

Why do you practice psychotherapy? In this exciting volume, some of the field's leading therapists tell true stories which evoke the pleasures, joys, and satisfactions that inspire passion for therapeutic work. Rather than focusing on the stresses and strains of being a clinician, these dramatic, poignant, wise, sometimes humorous and always soulful stories will help you gain (or regain) hope and excitement, and ultimately inspire a recommitment to a profession that, at its heart and soul, is about helping people.

1

THE JOY OF THERAPY

Editor's Invitation and Preview

Michael F. Hoyt

The book you have in hand, dear reader, is a full-length volume of stories by therapists about the pleasures, joys, and satisfactions that help to inspire and renew the therapists’ passion for their work. In essence, we are in the business of going into small rooms with unhappy people and trying to talk them out of it. It can be very fulfilling, but the work is not easy. As Hippocrates (c. 460–377 bce) advised long ago:

Life is short, the art long, opportunity fleeting, experience treacherous, judgment difficult. The physician must be ready, not only to do his [sic] duty himself, but also to secure the cooperation of the patient, of the attendants, and of externals.

A number of writers (e.g., Baker, 2003; Kottler, 1999; Norcross & Guy, 2007; Skovholt & Trotter-Mathison, 2010; Weiss, 2004) have commented on the stresses and strains of being a psychotherapist, and have provided useful guidebooks to help therapists better manage their self-care. There are also books called The Joy of Sex, The Joy of Music, The Joy of Feeling, The Joy of Cooking, and The Joy of Parenting—but so far, no The Joy of Therapy. (I checked: there is also no Chicken Soup for the Therapist/Counselor's Soul.)

A number of authors, of course, have commented on the personal satisfactions they obtain from being therapists. As Dlugos and Friedlander (2001, p. 298) note in their study of passionately committed psychotherapists, “In spite of experiencing the same pressures, demands, and conflicts that confront all psychotherapists, some have managed not only to survive, but also to thrive, experiencing a joy, love, and passion in their work that enhance rather than detract from their passion for other important life commitments.” As one of my early mentors, Carl Whitaker (1982), wrote: “I became more and more convinced that psychotherapy was something I did for myself and the patient merely participated [p. 32]…. Thus, technique plus personal involvement makes for continuing growth: not technical, not professional, but personal. There is no steady state. One must either grow or shrivel!” (p. 286). (Whitaker's Midnight Musings of a Family Therapist [1989] is one of my favorite therapy books.) In another fine book, The Gift of Therapy, Irvin Yalom (2002) provides numerous clinical “tips” and in the last chapter (“Cherish the Occupational Privileges,” p. 258) he extols the work that therapists do: “Not only does our work provide us the opportunity to transcend ourselves, to evolve and grow, and to be blessed by a clarity of vision into the true and tragic knowledge of the human condition, but we are offered even more. We watch our patients let go of old self-defeating patterns, detach from ancient grievances, develop zest for living, learn to love us, and, through that act, turn lovingly to others. It is a joy to see others open the taps of their own founts of wisdom.”

In their book, The Client Who Changed Me: Stories of Personal Transformation, Jeffrey Kottler and Jon Carlson (2005) present 23 leading clinicians each telling how an encounter with a client caused the therapist to grow, to become more personal and present, to change their approach, etc. Some of the narratives describe how the therapist was inspired by his or her client, although the overall emphasis is not on how the encounter has served to keep the therapist energized in the face of difficult challenges with other clients. In two other excellent books, Kottler and Carlson (2008, 2009)—both of whom contribute fine chapters of their own to the present volume—report episodes of various master therapists doing masterful therapy. The stories describe highly skilled and creative work, often with especially difficult clients.

Why This Book? And Why Now?

Why have a book of therapist stories of inspiration, passion, and renewal? This book picks up the theme of “better stories” from my earlier book, Some Stories Are Better than Others (Hoyt, 2000, pp. 19-22):

What makes some stories better than others? Ultimately, of course, the answer must come from each individual freely, lest we impose our own values or beliefs. In general terms, stories involve a plot in which characters have experiences and employ imagination to resolve problems over time.… From this perspective, therapy can be understood as the purposeful development of a more functional story; “better” stories are those that bring more of what is desired and less of what is not desired.…

Aesthetics, effects, and ethics are all important. We like stories that are well told; that are vivid and eloquent; that involve the generation and resolution of some tension; that see the protagonist(s) emerge successfully, perhaps even triumphantly. A “good” story does more than merely relate “facts”; a “good story” invigorates.

Good stories are well-crafted and involve plots that capture the imagination (Booker, 2004; McKee, 1997). In the present volume the stories are “better” because they are true—not fictional—and because they move the therapist (and hopefully the reader!) as well as the client/patient.¹ An inspiring story would be good to hear almost any time. Lately, however, things have gotten especially tough, both in the larger world of economic downturn and in its impact on the world of psychotherapy practice. As my friends John Sharry, Brendan Madden, and Melissa Darmody (2001, pp. 106–107)² at the Brief Therapy Practice in Dublin have written:

It is one thing to be respectful, optimistic, curious and flexible in a well-resourced agency with clients who are largely at the customer level of motivation. It is quite another thing to maintain a respectful constructive stance in a context where clients are largely at a visitor or complainant level of motivation, in a very under-resourced agency where you feel undervalued and unsupported; or worse still where there are high levels of conflict (either within the agency or outside). In these instances it is easy to become “burnt out” or pessimistic…. If this happens therapists do not have the optimism and energy to take on difficult cases. It is therefore crucial for therapists to take steps to monitor and maintain their own mental health and resourcefulness, to ensure that they stay as customers to their work.

In addition to enjoying editing and writing and looking for my next publishing “project,” I also have more personal reasons for wanting to produce this book. Moving through my fourth decade of fulltime clinical practice, I sometimes feel tired and need my own inspiration. As my wife and I approach our financial “retirement” goals, I find myself challenged by the thought, “I don't really need to work just to make money—so why keep doing what I do?” I want to hear others’ answers to help me find (or remember) my own.³ Additionally, I am aware of issues of “legacy” and the desire to engage in what Erik Erikson (1959) called generativity, the healthy later-in-life activity of nurturing younger generations. I also just love good stories and know colleagues that can tell them—especially stories that are now professionally and existentially pertinent to me.

Don't worry—I'm not saying that I'm burned out or “done.” I've found inspiration recently watching the wonderful documentary movies Buck about the real “Horse Whisperer,” who overcame his abusive childhood and uses his sensitivities to work with horses who have people problems; and Sing Your Song, about the life and work of the extraordinary entertainer-social activist, Harry Belafonte. I enjoyed Kay Redfield Jamison's (2004) Exuberance and loved Keith Richard's (2010) Life. Reading Father Gregory Boyle's (2010) Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion about his work with gangs in East Los Angeles, and Laura Hillenbrand's (2010) Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption are also heartening. I get thrills and a rush listening to Billy Joe Shaver (2005) sing “Live Forever” and advise us not to let our children feel forsaken, and Warren Zevon (2003) saying goodbye as he asks us to “Keep Me in Your Heart.” My family, friends, dogs and cats, art, and Nature nurture me; my teachers abide (see Hoyt, 2004).⁴ Some of my colleagues are helpful, and it is a joy to help patient/clients and see them make improvements and grow. I cherish a painting an artist-patient gave me with the inscription, “With deepest gratitude for all the support of my art and creativity and for saving my life!” (I told her that while I take my salary to the bank, I would take her message and what it meant to my heart.) Recently, another woman who has struggled made a big, positive change. We enjoyed her “victory” in my office. When the session finished, I opened the door. She walked out and turned one way, toward the door to the street; I turned the other, took a few steps around the corner and down the corridor, then pumped my fist and said aloud “Yes!” I looked up and saw one of my colleagues, in her office, her door open, looking at me. She smiled. See what I mean?

I hope the same is true of you and that this book will add to your energy as well as provide ideas about ways to be helpful. “There is a story in this book that can inspire and strengthen you, wherever you may be on your journey” (Lesser, 2005, p. xix). My intention here is to inspire joy, hope, excitement, recommitment, and love. As Kathleen Kemarre Wallace (2009, flycover) has written, “I hope you listen deeply and let these stories in. They … are for all time, for the old days, to help remember the old people, but also for the future and for young people now.”

How This Book Came to Be: Process and Invitation

I first had the idea to be the moderator for a panel on “Therapist Inspiration and Renewal” at the Eleventh International Congress on Ericksonian Approaches to Hypnosis and Psychotherapy, held in Phoenix from December 8–11, 2011. I approached three colleague-friends (John Frykman, Eric Greenleaf, Michele Ritterman)—they all readily agreed to participate as speakers, and the conference organizer (Jeff Zeig) kindly accepted the proposal. (Their chapters, based partially on their panel presentations, are contained herein.) The idea then began to grow in my mind. After some initial communication with George Zimmar, the editor-in-chief at Routledge Publishers (who had published two of my earlier books: Hoyt, 2000, 2001), I sent the following invitation to a number of leading figures in the psychotherapy field (including many who are not particularly affiliated with Ericksonian ideas):

I am writing to invite you to contribute a chapter to an exciting new book: THERAPIST STORIES OF INSPIRATION, PASSION, AND RENEWAL: WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

I would hope that each author, in his or her own words, would discuss the heart and soul of their work, what makes it worth doing, the love and poetics of helping people change, how you renew your hope and energy, etc. Comments about whatever inspires you and keeps you going strong—family, friends, clients/patients, inspiring teachers, spiritual/religious matters, politics and social justice, ‘giving back,’ etc.—will be relevant. I'm sure that readers will be moved and encouraged by everyone's words.

Personal stories are welcome in which you, in your own way, tell a revealing tale or recount a compelling incident—more ‘Chick...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• THERAPIST STORIES OF INSPIRATION, PASSION, AND RENEWAL
• ALSO BY MICHAEL F. HOYT
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Foreword Stephen G. Gilligan
• Acknowledgments
• About the Editor and Contributors
• 1 The Joy of Therapy: Editor’s Invitation and Preview
• 2 What is Really Important in Life?
• 3 Helping Clients Heal Broken Hearts
• 4 Not Quitting My Day Job: How Being a Therapist Heals Me
• 5 Turning the Mind into an Ally
• 6 Duende: Evocation, Quest, and Soul
• 7 Psychotherapy’s Soothsayer
• 8 It Warms My Heart
• 9 Love’s Got Everything To Do With It!
• 10 Off the Couch and Outside the Box
• 11 Life is with People
• 12 On Being Black in White Places: A Therapist’s Journey from Margin to Center
• 13 Up the Hurry Stairs
• 14 Road Trip
• 15 Blue on Blue: A Love Story
• 16 Exhilarating Couple Therapy: Singing to My Soul—Holding Steady to My Science—Filling Up My Heart
• 17 The Bodhisattva: Tending the World
• 18 Herman’s Wager
• 19 Love is a Four-Letter Word in Therapy
• 20 The Journey of a Lifetime: Or, the Adventures of Being a Therapist
• 21 At My Mother’s Kitchen Table: Who Are We, But the Stories We Tell?
• 22 The Poetics of Practice: Becoming “Well Versed” in Loss and Grief
• 23 Natural Compassion
• 24 The Tao of a Woman
• 25 Creating Paths with Heart
• 26 Get Off Your High Horse: Reflections of a Problem Solver in Palo Alto
• 27 Finding Humanity in Darkness
• 28 In Search of the Spirit: A Therapist’s Journey
• 29 Conscious Purpose and Commitment Exercise
• 30 Themes and Lessons: The Invitation Revisited