The Art of Caring Leadership

How Leading with Heart Uplifts Teams and Organizations

Heather R. Younger, Heather R Younger

• Publisher: Berrett-Koehler Publishers
• Year: 2023
• Print ISBN: 9781523092147
• eBook ISBN: 9781523092215
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Business Skills
• Index: Business

If your people know you care about them, they will move mountains. Employee engagement and loyalty expert Heather Younger outlines nine ways to manifest the radical power of caring support in the workplace.
Here's the thing: most leaders think of themselves as caring leaders, but not all of them act in alignment with what that means for employees. Leaders may not be able to identify the level of care they are extending to their employees, but all employees intuitively know whether their bosses or managers are caring for them. Heather Younger argues that if you are looking for increased productivity, customer satisfaction, or employee engagement, you need to care for your employees first.
Genuinely caring for people means that you want to see them succeed for themselves, not just for what they can do for you, your team, or your organization. This book incorporates ten sections with breakout stories and interviews that outline the necessary steps to make all employees feel included and cared for, as well as a call to action for all leaders. Younger states that leaders who have the positive power to change the lives of those they lead shouldn't just want to care for them; they should see it as imperative for the success of their employees and their organization.

1

Cultivate Self-Leadership Skills

The most powerful leadership tool you have is your own personal example.
John Wooden

Self-leadership is of critical importance for the caring leader, in that if she doesn’t lead herself first, she cannot properly care for those she leads. She must understand her purpose and why she leads; be self-aware and understand and adapt to the people around her; have control over her mindset; understand the role of influence; consistently grow her skills; have a coach or mentor; and simply take time to care for her mind, body, and spirit.

Understanding the “Why” for Leading

Simon Sinek popularized this concept of knowing or finding your “why” in his 2009 book, Start With Why.¹ What did Sinek mean by “why”? He explains, “When I say WHY, I don’t mean to make money—that’s a result. By WHY I mean what is your purpose, cause, or belief? WHY does your company exist? WHY do you get out of bed every morning? And WHY should anyone care?”

In my interviews with every leader I speak with on my podcast, I often ask them where their drive to lead comes from. This is just my way of asking them about their “why” for leading. Their answer to this question really does set the tone for everything else they tell me. I do not mean to imply that once they know their drive to lead, they will be perfect leaders. Rhoda Banks, vice president, head of talent management at Rabo AgriFinance, said it perfectly: “I am really big on figuring out what our purpose is in life and living it out loud. So, if you believe that your purpose is to influence and impact others in a positive way through leadership, what better way to be able to do that? Then, every decision you make, every action you take, everything you do should be aligned with that purpose.”

During our interview, Phil Cohen, founder and president of Cohen Architectural Woodworking, summed it up this way: “There’s only one thing you need to remember if you want to work at a place—find out why the owner is in business, or wherever you go, find out why the leader is there, find out why he’s in business. The leader’s heart will tell you everything about what it’s like to work there.” The same holds true whether you own a business or lead a small or large team or organization. It is, indeed, the leader’s heart and how he expresses it to those he leads that tells us whether he genuinely cares.

Below is a sprinkling of responses from leaders on my podcast when asked about their drive to lead. All provide insight into the heart and mind of the caring leader:

My inspiration is, I do feel like I’m put here for a purpose and very in touch with the fact that there’s just some God-given thing that I’m here to fulfill for this world, and I have a responsibility to do it. And part of that, I know, has to do with helping people to be their best selves. And I feel that we spend so much time in our workplace. Why not have our best selves show up there? —Judith Scimone, senior VP, chief talent officer, MetLife

I want to be a servant-oriented leader. When I really dug deep into this idea of loving and serving, it’s coming every day and . . . trying to figure out how do I serve the people that report to me so that they can be successful? How do I enable them to be successful? How do I help them grow? . . . How do I correct along the way? —Daniel McCollum, founder and CEO, Torrent Consulting

My drive to lead started during my freshman year in college. I was immediately indoctrinated into the military, where I understood the gravity of the service that I was about to enter. After I graduated, I fully understood that I was going to lead men and women, and sons and daughters, the most precious gifts that parents could give to the country. It was a pretty tremendous responsibility. —Don Davis, county manager, Jefferson County, Colorado

And I think my “why” is just thinking back on being a blind child and talking to parents who are like my parents. They had never met a blind person before they have a child who’s blind. They don’t know where to go or are scared. They don’t know what the future can hold. And I talked to parents all the time. And they asked me, . . . “What does the future hold for my child?” I say, “I can’t, at this point in time, honestly say it’s not going to be a struggle. You’re going to have to do everything right. You’re going to have to fortunately live in the right school district that has the right resources. You’re going to have to go above and beyond all the time to put your child in a position to live the life they want to live, and it’s very hit or miss if you happen to be born into a family that has resources and has advocacy skills, and you know you can make it. If you’re not, then it gets very, very hard for people.” So, I would really like to be able to sit across the table from those parents and say, “No, your kid can do whatever they want to do in life. Here’s how, here are the resources. Here are the pathways. Here are some examples.” —Kirk Adams, president and CEO, American Foundation for the Blind

Given the fact that I’ve been so fortunate in my life, the one thing that drives me every single day is to make my parents proud and just to show that all their sacrifice and trust in me and faith in me is paying off. And I’m doing that by contributing back to the state that I live in and into my community. —Patty Salazar, executive director, Colorado Department of Regulatory Agencies

Many of the leaders I interviewed were driven to lead by personal adversity, by exposure to wonderful leaders inside and outside of their home, and through a deep calling to do something good in the world. No matter the reason, all were clear about their “why,” which helped them in their leadership journey.

My “why” stems from my own childhood (more on this in chapter 9) and culminates in a workplace experience that left me feeling that I had to be the leader who helped others care more. I, like many at work, was growing apathetic, angry, and hopeless. I worked at a place that was going through a merger of multiple companies. I tried hard to uplift those around me, but the overall culture of mistrust was growing and taking its toll on me. The leaders in charge of the merger did not properly and consistently communicate to the front line what was going on. Employees were frightened of losing their jobs. New employees who joined the company had titles that were very similar to current employees’. Heck, I found out that another employee was given my job and that I had been moved to a new role by reading about it on an intranet post!

Employees on my immediate team and those in the larger organization started to report cultural discontent. I knew someone had to try to do something to make it better. I went to the head of human resources in the Denver office and said, “We have got to do something about our engagement and all the mistrust!” She replied, “You are right! You should go do something about that. You are the perfect person for that.” I was shocked at this response, because I was leading customer experience at the time. After some reflection, though, I realized that there was truth to it. Before this conversation, I had begun to feel myself fall into a pit of despair. I knew that I already served as a sort of culture-bearer. I seized the opportunity to be the change I was seeking.

So, I convened an employee engagement council that had employees from many of the companies involved in the merger as its members. We curated opportunities for everyone to connect and build trust. In short order, we could see trust grow between people because we put them into situations where they had to learn more about one another, the similarities and the differences. It was a beautiful sight. Nonetheless, the merger itself did not go well, and they laid off a few hundred people. I was one. That layoff put me on the path I am on now.

Along with my childhood journey, that layoff made me realize that I was supposed to be the voice for those who could not speak for themselves or who did not have a seat at the decision-making table. I needed to be the bridge for increased enlightenment. My “why” drives me to show deep concern and kindness to others in consistent ways.

Being Congruent

To lead with a caring heart, leaders must be congruent in who they want to be and who they actually are, both out in the world and behind closed doors. All leaders are in a constant battle to create more alignment or congruence in how they show up to those they lead and how they want to show up.

The beloved Howard Behar, former president of Starbucks and a member of the Leadership With Heart podcast community, shared an example of what this battle looks like when he described an exchange he had with his wife of forty years, who is an oncology social worker. Howard is a well-known author and leader. He was continually trying to push his wife to be a writer because she was good at it, but she did not have a desire to write. It did not speak to her soul as it does to Howard’s. It was more about his dream and the thing that drives him and not what drives her. One night, they were at dinner and they got into an argument because Howard mentioned the writing thing again. He slept on the couch that night, and he woke up early in the morning and apologized to her for thinking about himself and not about what she wanted.

Here is what Howard said in reflection: “One of my mission statements for myself goes like this: ’Every day, I want to nurture and inspire the human spirit. Beginning with myself first and then for others.’ I say ’self’ first, because what I’ve learned after living this long is if I’m not OK with Howard, then I can’t help anybody else.” Howard did not feel, in this example, that he was nurturing and inspiring his wife’s human spirit by forcing the issue of writing with her. By extension, he did not feel congruent with his personal mission. His willingness to self-correct and admit his mistakes is a key behavior of a caring leader.

Howard’s reflection brings up for me how hard it is to be congruent in all parts of our lives. I am a mother of four children. I am also certified in emotional and social intelligence and in communication styles. You would think I would be the master of congruence if you assumed that I am self-aware at all times. This is not always the case. I might find myself writing a post on social media or sending an email about being a more compassionate communicator and then turn around and yell at my kids when they need me to sit and listen. I see myself as a compassionate communicator, but I do not always show up that way. Like many other leaders, I battle to be congruent. It is a fight worth fighting if we are to be effective at caring for those we lead.

It boils down to what Daniel McCollum, founder and CEO of Torrent Consulting, said during our interview: “I came to a realization that if I’m going to get up and talk about growing leaders and being servant oriented and growing and developing, I, as the CEO, have to be the one that grows the fastest, leads the most—that serves the most of anybody in the company. So, if I can’t keep up and I can’t model that, then nobody else will be able to.”

As both Howard and Daniel allude, being congruent also requires a greater self-awareness and a deep desire to show up true to one’s self. It also requires intentionality. Personally, I remain more congruent when at the end of each day I examine what happened and whether I showed up as I intended and in line with my personal values.

Be Intentional

As leaders, we must understand one truth: People are always watching us. They are paying attention to our actions, our words, and what we fail to say. There is no getting past this. We must be intentional about what they see and hear. We can choose to control this. This might mean that we exercise good emotional self-management when in meetings or sitting with team members. We may work hard to maintain a positive, forward-thinking mindset or simply set a plan and then stick to it.

None of what I have written in this book happens by accident. We must be purposeful and aware of who we are, recognize our perceived gaps, and go about filling those gaps. Our desire to be a caring leader is an evolutionary process. We will make mistakes that can be painful, but they serve as exciting opportunities to learn. Through our intentionality to change and improve for ourselves, we earn the right to stay on the journey to caring leadership. If we do not set our intent from the start, our entire journey will feel like an accident. We will feel that we control less.

Carey Jenkins, CEO of Substantial, a digital strategy firm, described her focus on intentionality around her mindset and the conversations she has with those she leads: “I am incredibly intentional with the conversations I have about the way I support and mentor people and my expectations for what we are trying to do at the company and how people contribute to that.” For Carey, intentional looks like being very clear about expectations and how others can contribute their gifts to the mission. She is a direct communicator who does not leave others guessing.

Ron Alvesteffer, CEO of Service Express, recalled for me a time when he was not the caring leader he is today and what he intentionally did to change:

I led with the relationship with my team first and started with “Hey, how are you doing? What are the roadblocks? What do you need from me?” instead of “Go do this for me.” Go solve their problems and go to work for them. Before a meeting, I would be purposeful; I would make sure I am leading the person sitting before me first. We will get to the numbers later. You have to be purposeful or it can get away from you, and now you are talking about numbers and business results. It’s the people who deliver the numbers and business results. When you get that in the wrong order, it doesn’t work out well. A great culture and focusing on the people will deliver the results.

I still remember my conversation with Ron and how he was clear about his intentional change of mind and how he treated his people. It was as if he had become awakened to the fact that he held the brush and could choose his own brushstrokes in demonstrating care for his people.

Christinne Johnson, president of human resources at FirstBank, reflected with me on a time when she went into a meeting prepared to present a big change she was going to be leading. She admitted that when she had met resistance, she let her ego get in the way and felt triggered and was very emotional. Christinne even planned for a colleague to signal her when she was crossing any lines, but she ignored her colleague’s signals. After the meeting, she took a time-out to reflect on the situation, realized that she should have been more in control of her emotions, and decided that she had to make things right. She gathered her thoughts and then took time to meet individually with different people who had been at the meeting and apologize to them. Regarding that interaction, she said, “That was really defining for me, because I really do try more now to have that . . . pause in the situation when I know that something is starting to trigger me a little bit and just pause because I am very passionate.”

Leaders set the tone for their teams and organizations. Period. If we do not own that truth, we can never uplift those we lead. Adding another level of texture to the importance of being intentional, Keith Freier, director of operational systems and technology at Pacific Northwest National Laboratory, so simply added this when reflecting on the movie Remember the Titans: “It gets back to that attitude reflects leadership again. . . . You have to set that positive tone; the organization is going to follow with that tone. If you come in grumpy and kicking the walls, guess what the rest of the organization is going to do? The same thing. So, that’s something that I’ve always tried to . . . keep whatever’s burdening me at home.”

Keith is so right! I loved Remember the Titans exactly for the reason Keith referenced. The main character, as portrayed by Denzel Washington, acts with great intention and conviction by setting aside the tough racial climate of segregation in the 1960s and choosing to lead and grow his team’s unity. In short, intentionality requires focus.

As Washington’s character made clear, intentionality requires that leaders set their minds right in advance of interactions, especially when they know they might experience conflict or conflicting views. Megan Bertrand, senior vice president of learning and development at FirstBank, takes this concept home for us in a powerful way: “You’re never going to change how others react and say things. You’re never going to chang...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• Foreword
• Preface
• Introduction So, You Think You’re a Caring Leader?
• 1 Cultivate Self-Leadership Skills
• 2 Make Them Feel Important
• 3 Look for the Greatness in Those We Lead
• 4 Involve Them
• 5 Lead the Whole Person
• 6 Create a Listening Culture
• 7 Provide Them Safe Spaces
• 8 Empower Them to Make Decisions
• 9 Build Their Resilience
• 10 The ROI of Caring Leadership
• Conclusion Are You Ready to Become a Caring Leader?
• The Caring Leadership Self-Assessment
• Guest Appendix
• Notes
• Acknowledgments
• Index
• About the Author
• About Employee Fanatix