The Case of Miss R. (Psychology Revivals)

The Interpretation of a Life Story

Alfred Adler

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2013
• Print ISBN: 9780415820615
• eBook ISBN: 9781136701443
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: History & Theory in Psychology
• Index: Psychology

Originally published in 1929 the individual psychological interpretation of this autobiography was first presented by Alfred Adler to a group of psychiatrists and pedagogues in Vienna. The story of the development of a neurosis is told in this book. A young girl relates the fascinating story of her unhappy life, the psychologist comments on her remarks and leads the reader to an understanding of the blunders and mistakes which have made her life so full of suffering. Publication of this book in its day was intended to bring the growing interest in Adler's Individual Psychology to a wider audience. Today it can be read and enjoyed in its historical context.

CHAPTER XI

YES! BUT—

FATHER had a little work basket of plaited straw in which he kept, among other things, several pocket mirrors. I was afraid to break them, and was always very careful not to touch the basket. Finally father decided to sell the mirrors to the same man who bought our remnants.

Her attention is concentrated more and more upon all mirrors around her. Such a preoccupation is important and significant for the structure of every neurosis, becoming most conspicuous in a compulsion neurosis. What really happens is quite intelligible to the individual psychologist. All the other social tasks of life are placed in the background. The patient has abandoned her duties. She stands a greater distance away from the important problems of her life. She spends all her time occupying herself uselessly in order not to suffer a defeat in trying to solve her problems on the generally useful side of life.

We know that this extremely spoiled child is striving for a goal of superiority, that she wants to be more than all the others. We have seen how she succeeded in attaining her goal within her family. Now, as she grows older, she has to approach the community outside her family. That is the present situation. Her success is thoroughly uncertain. Like all pampered children she abjures, on general principles, all new situations, all the more so, the less certain she is of her success. Her striving to remain within the old situation and attempt to achieve there the goal of superiority thereby becomes more apparent. This is easily accomplished by means of a neurosis whose intensity can be increased in accordance with the purpose. The father especially, and the other members of the family as well, are drawn into the whirl of her fixed ideas which gives her the impression of her superiority in the house.

The symptomatic choice of the mirror now becomes obvious. As in former years, the girl makes her principal object in life being first or foremost although she now moves in a broader circle and nearer the front of life. Problems of love and marriage come closer. Shall I be able to surpass other girls in my relations with men; shall I gain power over men? Her interest concentrates itself distinctly around the mirror, probably stimulated by her visual training. Occasionally she complains of her weak eyes. It is natural that children with more or less minor eye defects increase their interest in all visible objects in order to conquer their difficulties. In this way they become more closely acquainted with colors, lines, shades, perspective and usually retain this visual interest for the rest of their lives.

However, this girl has become uncertain, vacillating, as almost all pampered children do when they have to face a new situation. Her tendency is to solve the problems of love and of sex in the same fashion as she has tried to solve all problems up to now; that is to say, she wants to be the foremost. Love and marriage, however, are social problems. Their solution requires interest in others. Her prototype lacks such interest in others almost entirely, which is typical for pampered children. She wants to master the others, force them to obey her command. Will she be able to do the same in love? The marriage of her parents, her whole environment perhaps, does not give her the impression of the unimpeded victoriousness of woman. Love becomes a dangerous obstacle to her desire to rule; she is not at all certain of conquering it in her favor. The thus intensified feeling of uncertainty causes her to shake off responsibility from her person and shift it onto mirrors. Her fate depends on mirrors now. But suppose the mirror breaks?

A widely spread superstition makes a happy marriage depend upon whether one has broken a mirror. A strange, spiteful magic has to decide. Not the magic effect of one's own personality. If she is not the first in the contest of love, then it is the mirror's fault, and her superiority is not touched. She who breaks a mirror cannot marry for seven years; so runs the superstition. That would exempt her from having to decide whether she is the “first in the country.” But she could continue to believe so. Like all pampered children she is hunting for easier means whereby to gain the final victory.

Two general remarks may be inserted here. A few of my critics, unfortunately blinded by rage, believe that I have eradicated sexuality and love from my psychological conception. I wish to point out, however, that here, as in all cases of neuroses and psychoses, as well as in perversions, one does not meet with love in the light of common sense, that is, as an attribute of the social feeling, but only sexual desire in the service of a striving for power on the generally useless side of life. Both sexual desire and striving for power have switched over from the tracks of general usefulness onto the tracks of neurosis and both no longer share in the progress of humanity, but are part of personal egotism.

Secondly, I want to emphasize the fact that this unwise employment of our love potentialities encounters difficulties everywhere. As love and marriage are tasks for two persons, there is no room for egocentric presumptions on the part of one of them. Moreover, the partner's response to the unsatisfactory advances of the neurotic is naturally unfavorable. And above all, the neurotic always feels hurt when his timid social feeling is challenged as it is by all problems of life, since all problems of life (birth of children, school, friendship, interest in mankind, political standpoint, profession, love, marriage) are social problems. Regarding the love problems of the neurotic one will always be able to perceive a diminishing speed in his activities to the point of a hesitating attitude or complete standstill. The violent aggression in the beginning is followed by a sudden end. From a physical point of view this description is sufficiently clear. Physical expression of the disturbance is found in impotence, vaginism, frigidity, perversions, ejaculatio precox, etc. This superstitious occupation with mirrors exhibits the hesitating attitude of the girl. If a mirror breaks, this accident is blamed in case she does not win, and her superiority saved. Every now and then the thought of committing suicide appears. Death seems salvation, the last consolation of the desperate.

The objection might be raised: why is she anxious about breaking a mirror since the resulting bad luck would help her to avoid the problem of love, and protected by her superstition, she would not even have to make an attempt to occupy herself with the dangerous question. The neurotic does not think so simply. She wants to Have an appearance of making every effort to respond to the demands of communal life. That is her “yes.” But then she throws a stone in her way which impedes her progress. That is her “but.” And the result is that she has a good alibi for the evasion of the danger of love; she has reneged. I want to very much BUT I cannot. That is the meaning of her fear of mirrors. As long as some one wants to, but excuses himself with a “but,” he does not want to.

Several mirrors were displayed in the shop window of the candy store that Tilda's mother owned. Up till then I had not noticed them. One day I suddenly imagined I had smashed one of the 'mirrors by closing the store door, and I was seized with a terrible fright. Tilda examined all the mirrors in the window carefully and swore that she could not detect a crack in any one of them. But I did not believe her and was so unhappy all day long that I wanted to die. I said to myself: “I'll have misfortune for seven years anyway—and now seven more years in addition; then I'll have no more happiness at all in life and it would be better to die now.”

The next day I was quiet again; but from then on when I went to see Tilda I took Minna with me to open and close the door.

Every time I accidentally touched a woman with a pocketbook, on the street or in the street car, the fearful thought struck me like lightning that I had demolished her pocket-mirror and thus caused myself seven more years of misfortune. Frequently I followed such a woman and wanted to ask her whether she really carried a mirror in her pocketbook and, if so, whether it was still intact. But I never dared do so.

As long as the question is not answered the possibility remains that a mirror has been broken. Therefore she does not dare to ask.

I had to use a mirror when I wanted to comb my hair. I possessed a square hand mirror which I touched only with the greatest precaution. Sometimes I fancied that I had put it too roughly on the table, and, at the same time, thought I had heard it crack. Then I ran to my parents or Lina full of fear—they had to inspect it thoroughly. And even if they swore by all they held holy that they could not see any crack, not even a scratch, I did not believe them and I trusted -my own eyes still less. I was bent madly on the thought that there was a crack in it, perhaps not perceptible to the naked eye.

In order to see whether it would break I now put the mirror on the table as carefully as possible. And immediately I fancied again that I had broken it. The longer I manipulated it in this manner the more strongly I labored under this delusion and the more excited I became. After a while I was raving.

One day on the street we passed the fragments of a mirror. The idea that I had touched them with my foot grew in an instant to the conviction that I had stepped on them. I ran home weeping and complained to father: “Something terrible has happened to me.”

In an alarmed tone he asked what it was. At first I did not want to tell. Merely to speak about it seemed calamitous to me. I felt as miserable as if I had just been sentenced to death. At his insistent request I told him what had happened.

The mirror story cannot be exaggerated enough. A frequent occurrence in a neurosis to achieve the purpose at any cost.

Father laughed and said that according to my own description some one else and not I had broken the mirror. I had only come in contact with the fragments which certainly did not for bode anything. But this time he could not console me. Then I called Minna and led her to the spot where the fragments were lying, without letting her know at what I was aiming. I took her arm, and ingeniously arranged to have her step unsuspectingly on the glass. Now I felt easier. I thought, “If I have no more luck you shall not have any more luck either!”

Struggling against the superiority of others. As if it were proof that this actually has to do with her love problem, the son of the proprietor of the café appears on the scene at the right moment.

I was very friendly with the son of the proprietor of our favorite café. We had already played together when we were children. His name was Hans and he was just as old as I. He had a speech defect. His vocal cords had been hurt in a tonsil operation.

We often took walks together. But since I disliked being alone with a. boy and wanted to make some new acquaintances I asked him one day whether he did not know of a friend for me.

Two are less than one. This is a frequent neurotic phenomenon in case there is some possibility of affection for a person, in order to prevent a love affair. One cannot be in love with two persons at the same time without lying to oneself. When one cannot decide for one or the other this indecision is the decision. Neither one is wanted. The phenomenon of indecision appears frequently in life and indicates always a tendency to refuse.

The attempts of the girl to approach love relations, although they are very careful, do not surprise us. They are attempts to say yes in situations of little danger, in much the same way as some one who seems about to decide to withdraw, yet makes a few hesitating steps forward only to express his but. This “yes!—but …” as we said before, is perhaps the best definition of the neurosis. In the following paragraphs we shall have our opinion confirmed and see how she handles a love affair.

In return for it I was to introduce him to my friend Olga. Then the four of us could go out together. He replied that he knew many boys and that he would find a suitable one. I made it a condition that my boy friend had to be handsome.

Fritz, the friend, was a tall, blond fellow who, in spite of his youth, liked to show off as a man of the world. He was immediately attracted to me and told me a lot of nonsense. I also told him a pack of lies….

When I asked Hans how he liked Olga, he said: “Quite well, only her manners are not so good yet”; and then, for his taste she was too dull … he liked a lively girl better. He was only fifteen years old and stole money from his father when he wanted to go to the movies with a girl. I replied: “What do you think? You must know how to take her. My dear, she has had a lot of experience—why don't you try it?”

And I summed up all her nice qualities. I myself did not want to be alone with Fritz. I always wanted the other two to be with us. Hans, who was easily influenced by me, promised to go with us the next time. In return I gave him my word to find another girl for him if he did not want Olga any more.

Fritz was very much in love with me. In the movies he made bashful advances. But I rejected him with the words: “I prefer to talk at a certain distance” He had to follow suit.

One evening Hans rushed into the room in great excitement, saying that Fritz had taken a box at the People's Opera House for “Rigoletto” and that I should get dressed in a hurry. I did not quite like the idea. I was a little ashamed to appear with the two boys in a box. But since my parents did not object I got ready quickly. Fritz was already awaiting us in the box. He handed me a bunch of flowers and kissed my hand. Blushing with embarrassment I took my seat.

I liked the music very well, but I should have preferred to listen to it without company. Fritz held my hand all the time and kissed it constantly. That was very bothersome. During the intermissions we spoke about the opera. I pretended that I had heard this opera several times and knew every singer. I answered a certain question with: “The singer doesn't seem to be well disposed to-day.”

After the performance Fritz made a proud declaration of love and asked how I thought our relations were going to be in the future. I answered: “My nature is pretty cool. You'll see that.”

I decided to shake him off as soon as possible. Hans and Olga did not get along very well together. I therefore tried to talk him into another girl friend of mine, Elsa. I called his attention to the fact, however, that she was more or less engaged to another fellow. But if he, Hans, did not proceed too stupidly, it would be quite easy to estrange her from her boy friend who, by the way, was a disagreeable chap.

Elsa was just giving a party to several of her friends, when I came in with my two boys. During a game of forfeits Hans wanted to give me a kiss. However I was already disgusted with him to such a degree that I refused to let him kiss me. All the others made a fuss about that for the other gir...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half Title
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Original Title Page
• Original Copyright
• Table of Contents
• Editor's Preface
• I Early Childhood
• II Adolescent Difficulties
• III The Development of a Neurosis
• IV The Style of Life
• V The Jealousy Mania
• VI Sexual Development
• VII The Problem of Love
• VIII The Shock of Sex Knowledge
• IX The Masculine Protest
• A Lupus Phobia
• Yes! But—
• The Goal of Superiority