Do Not Cast Me Away

Dementia in the Congregation

Paul Rader

• Publisher: Wipf and Stock
• Year: 2020
• Print ISBN: 9781725251762, 9781725251779
• eBook ISBN: 9781725251786
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Christian Ministry

The quick facts are these: Alzheimer's Disease is the sixth leading cause of death in the United States and is the only cause of death in the top ten in America that cannot be prevented, slowed, or cured. In 2015, dementias cost our nation an estimated $226 billion. By 2050, these costs could rise to as high as $1.1 trillion.Dementias not only affect individuals and their families, they plague us in other kinds of ways, as well. What happens when the owner of the most important company in town begins to be affected? Or a surgeon at the hospital? Or the pastor of your church? No place that involves people is immune. If dementia has not come to your pulpit, it will. It most assuredly has arrived already in your congregation.The aim of this book is to demystify dementia in order to encourage families and congregations to respond to it in meaningful, helpful, and faithful ways. This is a conversation we all need to enter. Like it or not, dealing with dementia is now part of the stewardship of our lives together.

11

Elder Abuse

The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.

—Robert Frost

One day I visited an elderly member of our congregation who had no children and no other relatives, but who had a “family” that looked after her. This is what I found.

After being let inside by a woman I had never met before, I found our member in a hospital bed in the front room. The heat was on high, the drapes were closed, a television was blaring, and there was a stale, musty odor. Formerly, the room had been tastefully decorated with antiques, but it was now almost bare. As was the rest of the house. In fact, her room was the only room on the first floor that appeared to be lived in. She herself was unbathed. We didn’t have much of a conversation as she was bedridden due to a stroke, and her speech was impaired. But I was able to have a conversation with the caregiver.

The story was that she and her family had “adopted” our parishioner. After years of housekeeping and generally looking after her, they had been “asked” to take a more active role in her care. This entailed moving out of their home and moving into her home. They lived upstairs. They took over the checkbook. They drove her car. What happened to the antiques? They had had to sell them in order to pay for her care. And just who was caring for her anyway? The housekeeper, her husband, a grown son, and a daughter-in-law: all living upstairs, all eating there, all being paid for their efforts at caring for our elderly church member out of the checkbook that they themselves commandeered.

It took a few months, but eventually an elder care attorney was able to rescue this sickly woman from those who had moved into her home. Although most of her estate had been plundered, her home was sold and she was able to live out the rest of her days in one of the nursing homes in our area. We visited her often, and the care she received was a 100-percent improvement on what had been happening before.

The Dark Side of Caregiving

The National Institute on Aging (NIA) says:

Abuse can happen to anyone—no matter the person’s age, sex, race, religion, or ethnic or cultural background. Each year, hundreds of thousands of adults over the age of 60 are abused, neglected, or financially exploited. This is called elder abuse.

Abuse can happen in many places, including the older person’s home, a family member’s house, an assisted living facility, or a nursing home.77

Furthermore, elder abuse happens in all sorts of ways: physical, emotional, neglect, abandonment, sexual, financial, and health care fraud. There are probably types of abuse I’ve left out!

The NIA website warns that “most victims of abuse are women, but some are men. Likely targets are older people who have no family or friends nearby and people with disabilities, memory problems, or dementia.” Furthermore, “Abuse can happen to any older person, but often affects those who depend on others for help with activities of everyday life—including bathing, dressing, and taking medicine.”78

It is thought that as many as one in ten seniors experience some form of elder abuse every year, which means around five million victims. The sobering reality is that there is more elder abuse than child or spousal abuse combined. Seniors, especially those with dementia, are terribly vulnerable. Unfortunately, most of those abusing our seniors are family members or people they have known and trusted for years.

Financial Abuse

If only I had a dime for every time I heard about someone’s mother being taken advantage of by a telemarking scam. The Tennessee Commission on Aging and Disability reports that stealing from the elderly is all too common and all too easy.

Common acts of fraud involve larceny, embezzlement, forgery, issuing false documents or checks, destruction of wills, breach of fiduciary duty, and the violation of applicable consumer protection statutes.

Elderly people are typically financially stable. They tend to own their homes, receive pensions, and may have excellent credit and savings in the bank. They are also quite trusting, a trait that can be attributed to their generation and how they were raised. Con artists know this and exploit it for their own gain. All elderly are at risk, but those suffering from a debilitating illness like Alzheimer’s disease may be especially vulnerable.79

In respo...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Introduction
• Susan and Charlie
• Causes of Dementia
• The Big Three Causes
• Memory
• Assessment
• Kinds of Care
• Memory Care
• Guilt
• Paying for Care
• Finding Support
• Elder Abuse
• Saying Goodbye
• Penultimate Thoughts
• Suggested Resources
• Bibliography