Relationslips

Life Together in a Falling-Apart World

Jason Drapeau

• Publisher: Resource Publications
• Year: 2020
• Print ISBN: 9781725277526, 9781725277519
• eBook ISBN: 9781725277533
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Christian Ministry

Life is lived with constant connection and in relationship with others. But what happens when those relationships slip--into frustration, unforgiveness, and irreconciliation? Relationslips: Life Together in a Falling-Apart World challenges popular notions that many people have about how to navigate healthy relationships, and what God has to say regarding right living in a messy world. Should we just let time heal all wounds, or choose to never go to bed angry with one another? If we have a hard time forgiving others, then will we ever be forgiven by God? With candor, humor, and personal anecdotes, practical recommendations for getting severed relationships back on track, and a proper understanding of healthy interaction based upon the Bible, Relationslips is a book that is precisely needed in our day.

Chapter 3

__________ ∫ __________

Moments of Truth

QUESTION 1: True or False?
The kind of love and compassion God has for us is different than the kind of feelings that we are to have for our enemies.

Answer: FALSE. Jesus says that we are to love our enemies with the exact kind of love that God has for us, which is an unconditional love. Let’s look at this from Jesus’ very own lips, in Luke 6:27, 35a5:

“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you . . . But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High.”

I love football. I love chocolate. I love my kids. I love the wintertime. In English, you all might think that I am crazy, or that I need to follow up my statements with further clarification (especially that last one, as the vast majority in the world would be just fine if summer annexed winter in a hostile meteorological take-over). The limits of the English language do not give us very much in terms of synonyms for the word “love”—such as when “I love . . . ” starts each of those very different statements that I made above. However in the Koine Greek language6—in which the New Testament of the Bible was originally written—there are a few different words for “love,” and each of the Greek words represents a different kind (or at least a different context) of love—like the first quiz question hints at.

There is the kind of love that, in Greek, is represented by the word “eros.” This is where we get the English word “erotic.” It is the kind of romantic and sensual love that a husband and wife have, in a healthy marriage relationship. In the Greek language, it would be very inappropriate—and erroneous—to use “eros” to refer to love in the wrong setting, or toward the wrong person. For example, I love my wife, and I love my Grandmother. But I kiss my wife “Good Morning” on the lips very differently than I kiss my Grandma “Good Morning” on the cheek. (Technically speaking, my wife would prefer that I kept my “eros” morning-kisses away from her until after I have brushed my teeth from a long night of open-mouth snoring!) The kind of love I have for my wife is very different than the kind of love I have for my Grandma, even though in English I “love” them both.

There is another word for love, represented by the Greek word “phileo.” You might be familiar with this from the prefix of that great historical American city named “Philadelphia,” which literally means “The City of Brotherly Love.” “Phileo” is the kind of love that is brotherly—or sisterly—or a friendship-oriented love. Much different than “eros,” the term “phileo” is a love that is very appropriate amongst friends. For all you male readers, especially those who are uncomfortable with broaching others’ personal space and shy from greeting people with overtly-friendly touch, you can use the syllables in “phileo” (as in three syllables, “phi—le—o”) to govern your bro-hugs . . . one-handed, shoulder-leaning, three smacks on the back. “Phi—le—o.” Simply genius, if I do say so myself.7

And then there is another Greek word for love, which is “agape.” This word for love represents unconditional love. I have heard it described like this: “agape” love is the “love that loves in spite of.” In John 13:34–35, Jesus calls it the love in which we are to “love one another: just as I have loved you . . . ” (emphasis mine). “Agape,” this unconditional love, is the kind of love in which God loves you.

In the verses from Luke 6 that are mentioned in the paragraphs above, Jesus says from his own mouth that you are to “Love your enemies”—and he says it twice (once in verse 27 and once in verse 35). Generally, biblical repetition is a literary tactic of importance; meaning, “more-than-once” is code for “pay attention; he really means it.” So, in Luke 6:27 and 35a, what kind of “love” does Jesus mean? Which Greek word for “love” does Jesus use for how we are to love our enemies? It is “agape.” It is unconditional love. Jesus says that we are to love our enemies with the same kind of unconditional love that God has for us. If we are to love even our enemies in this way, imagine what life would be like if we loved our friends this way as well.8

QUESTION 2: True or False?
God is kind to the ungrateful and evil.

Answer: TRUE. Jesus says this verbatim, and uses it as an expectation for how we are to act toward everyone around us. We see this in Luke 6:35b:

“But love your enemies . . . for he [God] is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.”

Jesus has an expectation for us, so that we would be like God in how we love others, treat others, and act toward others. We will never attain to perfection in the ultimate qualities of God’s supreme character, but God makes explicitly clear that this should not deter us from this godly pursuit. In the same way in John 13:34 that Jesus says “Just as I” have loved others, so we are to do the same; likewise, Luke 6:35 speaks to the same thing as well. God shows kindness to those who think nothing of him, and he does this partially as an example for us to follow.

In the great classic Broadway musical, Les Misérables, from the book by the same title written by Victor Hugo, there is an interesting interaction between the main character and a secondary character of great conscience. In the musical, Jean Valjean appears at the door of Bishop Charles-Francois-Bienvenu Myriel, seeking respite during the nighttime hours. This kind priest takes a risk and gives lodging for the night to the stranger, Valjean, only to discover in the morning that Valjean has fled and fleeced him of all the precious silverware in the pantry. A few scenes later, Valjean is apprehended by the authorities and forced to return to the bishop in order to pay his amends. When there, the bishop replies strangely: telling the officers that he actually gave permission for Valjean to take the silver pieces; in addition, he volunteers to give Valjean the silver candlesticks that the crooked con “forgot” to take the first time.

Readers of this great script and viewers of the masterful musical might find it ironic and counterintuitive that a “religious man” would not only allow a common criminal to steal from him, but additionally that he would give even more plunder to the ungrateful thief. However, a truer reflection of Hugo’s work interprets the Bishop Bienvenu—aptly translated “Bishop Welcome” in English—in this way: in giving Valjean mercy in the form of the silver, the priest had actually paid some kind of ransom in order to steer Valjean to future good.

It is very clear, from the Bible, that silver and gold cannot ransom anyone from evil and into a right relationship in the presence of God. Only the all-sufficient sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross will satisfy the severity of our sin and provide salvation for all who believe in him. In terms of human interaction, however, the bishop in Les Misérables illustrated a remarkable precept: as God has shown common grace9 to all people, we have the same opportunity to show kindness and grace to others as well. It may have been lofty in Hugo’s story to think that a priest’s lie, a scapegoat, and silver candlesticks might have changed a man’s life forever. However, how much more incredible is it to think that our own kind actions and attitudes toward others might be used by God as pointers leading people to the kindness and grace that God shows to us through Jesus Christ.

QUESTION 3: True or False?
We are commanded to be like God in showing mercy to others.

Answer: TRUE. In the same way that God shows mercy to us, we are likewise to be merciful to other people, regardless of whether they are kind or merciful in return. We can see this in Luke 6:36, where Jesus says:

“Be merciful, even as your Father [God] is merciful.”

Some people have a soft impression of Jesus. With attributes that he demonstrates like love, compassion, and mercy—which the world today perceives to be generally effeminate or emasculating—many people think of Jesus as a kind of sissy Savior. The way that I see Jesus—and the way that he is portrayed historically—is as the incarnate God-man whose body was powerful and strong enough to endure an early career in ancient Near Eastern architecture10, long-distance low-budget and low-diet travel, and a culmination of beatings and grueling wrongful execution death by crucifixion. He was no wimp. Nor were his ...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Preface
• Acknowledgments
• The Need for a Revolution
• The Relationslips Quiz
• Moments of Truth
• Get Ready for Some Changes
• Relationslip Objections
• A Healthy Foundation
• The Best Example of All
• Relationslip Review
• Relationship Revolution
• The Famously Misnamed Parable
• Stay In Touch
• Bibliography