. . . And the Church Actually Changed

Uncommon Wisdom for Pastors in an Age of Doubt, Division, and Decline

N. Graham Standish

• Publisher: Fortress Press
• Year: 2020
• Print ISBN:
  9781506461946
• eBook ISBN:
  9781506461953
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Christian Church

The mainline church is in a drastic decline, and that decline is hitting clergy and churches on all sides of the theological debates. Pastors are struggling, and the ever-changing trends of ministry don't seem to be staunching the decline. . . . And the Church Actually Changed: Uncommon Wisdom for Pastors in an Age of Doubt, Division, and Decline arises out of N. Graham Standish's work as a spiritual director and coach to clergy of all denominations and traditions, and as the pastor of a healthy, growing, and somewhat alternative church for more than twenty-two years. He has helped pastors become healthier and more effective as they carry out the ministry to which they are uniquely called.

. . . And the Church Actually Changed addresses issues brought up by clergy themselves in his coaching work with them. Using an integrative approach to ministry, Standish draws on insights from counseling, spiritual direction, organizational development, and other fields. The book is written in the form of dialogues between a clergy coach and various clergy clients who are struggling in their ministry. Each chapter addresses a significant clergy leadership issue, yet the dialogue allows coach and pastor to deal with issues pragmatically by exploring both the big picture and the details of leading a healthy church.

8

Leading Them from Here to There

Tina is an American Baptist Church pastor of two yoked churches in western Pennsylvania. She has been the pastor of these churches for three years. The churches became yoked prior to her ministry as part of the smaller church’s request to be paired with the larger church so it could afford a pastor.

Both churches are in somewhat urban areas, although the smaller of the two is in a more struggling area, and they are about two miles apart. Over time, Tina has become more and more drained by the smaller Mt. Pisgah Baptist Church (Mt. Pisgah), even as she is energized by the larger First Baptist Church (First). First is engaged in mission beyond their church, but Mt. Pisgah resists almost anything outside of the church, other than to give a small sum of money each year to Operation Christmas. Tina finds her situation vexing, proclaiming in a previous session, “How can I be such a good pastor in one church and so dreadful in the other? It makes me feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!”

We have been meeting for over a year. We initially began our work with a focus on spiritual direction. Over time, we shifted to clergy coaching since it became clear her issues were as much congregational and pragmatic as they were spiritual. We had just begun to talk about the differences between the two churches and her frustrations with Mt. Pisgah in the previous session. She ended that session by saying she felt she had a split personality in leading the two churches.

*******

Graham: So, how’s life in the realm of split personalities?

Tina: Good question. That’s how I feel—Peter with one, Judas with the other.

Graham: Oh my. I hope they don’t really see you as Judas.

Tina: Maybe not, but I do feel they sometimes see me as some sinister figure sent to torment them.

Graham: Yikes! What’s happened?

Tina: I got frustrated with them and decided they needed a “come to Jesus” moment. So at our last board meeting, I asked them what they wanted for the church. All I got back were blank stares. I kept pushing: “Folks, what’s your vision? What’s your hope? Where do you see this church in ten or twenty years?” Nothing. I felt like it was a “come to Judas” moment where I was asking, “Would you rather be crucified or stabbed to death?”

Graham: That just sounds frustrating.

Tina: It was!

Graham: And it sounded a bit desperate.

Tina: Desperate? What do you mean?

Graham: Well, you were frustrated with them. You wanted them to do something—live, die, move, stay—just decide something. You’ve run out of ideas. So you put it on them. You were desperate for them to do or say something, and what you received was a deafening silence. The reason was they didn’t know what to say. They remind me of young kids when their parents yell at them, “Why won’t you pick up your clothes?” or “Why can’t you just do your homework without being asked?”

Tina: Oh, come on! They’re not kids. They’re adults!

Graham: Are you sure?

Tina: Seriously? Almost all of them are in their fifties, sixties, and seventies.

Graham: Right . . . chronologically. But what about in maturity?

Tina: Again, old!

Graham: Umm . . . okay . . . what about in spiritual maturity?

Tina: I don’t know. They’ve all been in the church for most of their lives. Doesn’t that make them mature?

Graham: Nah, just old!

Tina: Nice.

Graham: I think we’re good at recognizing people’s chronological age, but churches have a spiritual age too. Some churches and their members are very mature—perhaps middle-aged. Some churches are very immature—perhaps just preschoolers. We assume the chronological age matches the spiritual age, but they’re not the same thing.

Tina: How do you tell?

Graham: You already know. Let’s look at your two churches. If you had to put a spiritual age on both, what would First’s spiritual age be compared to Mt. Pisgah’s?

Tina: That’s a really interesting question. What would the difference be? I think First is older. They’re not great spiritually, but they’re willing to try things. When I ask them to pray, they’re much better at it. And when I talk to them about discerning God’s will, I think they get it more. I know they’re not very mature, but I’d say they’re like spiritual tenth-graders. Mt. Pisgah’s . . . Oh Gawd! Heh ..... I almost don’t want to answer because it sounds insulting.

Graham: It’s okay. It helps to be honest about what you feel their age is.

Tina: I think they’re like . . . I dunno . . . second-graders?

Graham: What makes them second-graders?

Tina: They’re kind of afraid of everything. Man! I never thought about it this way.

Graham: Tell me about their history before you came.

Tina: Well, they’ve always been a small church. The town they’re in was originally a small steel town outside of Pittsburgh. It was a place where immigrants settled. I think our church started because some Welsh workers moved into the area, and I believe the church was built by the people who owned the steel mills. I think it was built so they wouldn’t make trouble for the Italians and the Poles who went to the Catholic church.

Graham: How long ago?

Tina: Oh, mid- to late-1800s.

Graham: So what do you know about them since then?

Tina: I should, but I don’t know much about their early history. I just know they began as a church for the Welsh workers.

Graham: Do you think they ever had a golden age, that period when they were doing really, really well?

Tina: First did. They were different. They were a church built for managers, probably from the same steel mills. They’ve had several pastors in their history who were very good. They had one in the ’20s and ’30s, I think. His picture’s up on the wall of the library. He was there for a long time, so I guess he did really well. They had another pastor in the ’70s and ’80s who helped them grow and was a beloved, caring person when the steel mills started closing. He helped them attract members from across the river in Pittsburgh even after many of their members moved away.

Mt. Pisgah? Yeah . . . I don’t know if they ever had a golden age. What I do know is over the past thirty years, they’ve had a string of pastors who never stayed longer than four or five years. Nope, I take that back. They did have one guy who was there for ten years, but I think he suffered from depression and didn’t do much. They don’t talk about him often, but it sounds like he only preached and attended board meetings. It doesn’t even sound as though he visited them in the hospitals much.

Graham: How long ago was he there?

Tina: That’s a good question. Maybe twenty years ago. This is interesting. I’ve not spent much time looking into either church’s history.

Graham: What about the pastors since that guy twenty years ago?

Tina: As I said, they all seem to come and go.

Graham: Were they young? Old?

Tina: I think most were older, but a few came there right after seminary.

Graham: And how did they do?

Tina: Well, they’re not there anymore, are they?

Graham: No, they’re not. You are. So you’re saying they weren’t very good.

Tina: That’s what I thought, but now I’m questioning that. Here I am three years in and I’m thinking about bailing on them. So how good am I?

Graham: Well . . . you are Dr. Jekyll at First.

Tina: I am that!

Graham: If you were to give me a summary of what you think the other pastors were like, what would it be?

Tina: I’d think they came in and tried to get them to do something, and then they received blank stares. I know my predecessor probably would say that. I spoke with her several months ago, and she said she reached the point where she was calling out people in her sermons and during meetings. That’s how she knew it was time to leave. She was frustrated.

Graham: Where is she now?

Tina: She’s a chaplain in a nursing home.

Graham: So, do you think other pastors got frustrated with them and called them out too?

Tina: I wouldn’t know, but I’m getting close to being like that.

Graham: Oh my! Don’t do that. Actually, do you want to know what your church members sound like to me?

Tina: Sure.

Graham: They sound like neglected dogs. They sound like they’re scared to do anything. If they do the right thing, they’ll be ignored. If they don’t do the right thing, they’ll get called out. If they do the absolute wrong thing, they’ll be abandoned. Even the pastors who stay neglect them. They remind me of episodes of The Dog Whisperer.

Tina: I remember that show.

Graham: Did you ever watch it?

Tina: A bit.

Graham: I was addicted to it. I found it fascinating. I remember several episodes where Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer, was dealing with rescue dogs that were scared of everything. Sometimes they were aggressive. Most times, they just cowered and hid under a chair or bed.

He seemed to have a basic approach to help them. At first, he would just sit sideways next to them, although he did hold a tennis racket down near his feet in case he needed protection. He just made sure he didn’t hold it in a threatening way. Then he would slowly put his hand near them. The dogs would often sway their heads back and forth, trying to figure out whether to cower or run. He might have given them a treat, I can’t remember. Everything he did was gentle but firm at the same time. Eventually, he would put a leash around them and walk them. Taking the dogs for a walk is big with the Dog Whisperer. He walked them while holding their leashes taut so they had to walk close to him. Apparently, walking with them and keeping them close made them feel wanted and safe, under the protection of the alpha dog.

After the walk, he’d then pet them and show them affection, but he always kept his energy calm. Everything he did was calm, gentle, but also assertive and directive.

Tina: So my church is a dog? Really?

Graham: Man! You’re ornery today!

Tina: I’m tired. I think I’m tired of this church. But I think I’m getting what you’re saying. You’re saying Mt. Pisgah is like a neglected dog.

Graham: It sounds like that to me. What does it sound like to you?

Tina: Yes. I think so. They may even have been a bit abused culturally. I’m now wondering if, because their church was started by steel companies, the congregation was abused and neglected right from the start. I’d be willing to bet that even though they had their own church, the mill owners and managers constantly put them down. I imagine owners and managers at First criticized and denigrated the members of Mt. Pisgah for years because that’s where the workers were. My guess is Mt. Pisgah was always “that” church down th...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Praise for . . . And the Church Actually Changed
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Table Of Contents
• Introduction
• Are We Leading from a Foundation?
• Are We in Harmony with Our DNA?
• Resisting Relationships
• Writing the Next Few Chapters
• Can We Change the System?
• God Actually Is with You!
• Transformational Preaching and Teaching
• Leading Them from Here to There