Alice

Lewis Carroll, Laura Wade

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2012
• Print ISBN: 9781350267657
• eBook ISBN: 9781849433570
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

The White Rabbit is late for the Duchess. The Cheshire Cat won't stop grinning. And the Hatter is, well, mad. In the middle of it all is Alice, a young girl with a vivid imagination and a family life that's less than perfect. In this new adaptation by renowned playwright and Sheffield native, Laura Wade, you can follow Alice as she escapes her bedroom to find adventure in a topsy-turvy world. Based on Lewis Carroll's classic tale, Wade's adaptation breathes fresh life into a much-loved story about rabbit holes, pocket watches and talking caterpillars.

ACT TWO

The Queen’s Croquet Ground. A number of young WONDERLANDERS are playing croquet on the lawn, watched by two COMMENTATORS in their own mobile commentary box.

ALICE sits at the edge of the lawn, with the DUCHESS next to her.

COMMENTATOR 1: And that cracking shot concludes our warm-up match from the Junior Wonderlanders Croquet League.

COMMENTATOR 2: Stars of the future there...

COMMENTATOR 1: Yes indeed. And on their way to the podium now for the medals presentation.

COMMENTATOR 2: Who knows, one day these youngsters may find themselves being presented with a medal by the queen herself.

COMMENTATOR 1: What a proud day that would be.

DUCHESS: Isn’t it exciting, dolly?

ALICE: What?

DUCHESS: To be here. Today.

ALICE: I um – I don’t quite know how I got here.

DUCHESS: I’m like that, I forget things all the time.

ALICE: I mean I was just talking to that scary man and now I’m – Now I’m here.

Sorry, where am I exactly?

DUCHESS: Silly dolly. You’re at the queen’s croquet ground.

ALICE: The queen of Hearts?

DUCHESS: Aren’t you more excited than you’ve ever been? A game of croquet and then tea.

ALICE: I don’t really know anything about croquet.

DUCHESS: Gosh dolly, don’t say that anywhere near her majesty – the queen’s mad for croquet.

ALICE: Is the queen here?

DUCHESS: She’ll be here any minute, for the big match. Do you really mean to tell me you’ve never played croquet?

ALICE: It’s a bit old-fashioned where I come from.

DUCHESS: Darling dolly, come over here and let me show you.

They go towards a rack of flamingos and a bucket of hedgehogs.

ALICE: Um, look, there’s something I should tell you.

DUCHESS: Don’t tell me – you think I’m so much calmer since you last saw me, my skin’s looking so much better...

ALICE: Yeah, it’s just – You know the baby?

DUCHESS: The little pig.

ALICE: Yes.

The DUCHESS looks at a number of flamingos.

DUCHESS: You’ll need one of these.

ALICE: Thing is, it turned out it was actually a pig.

DUCHESS: Yes, I know. Horrid little thing, caterwauling all the –

Here you are – this might be the right size.

The DUCHESS hands ALICE the flamingo. ALICE doesn’t know how to hold it.

ALICE: The thing is, um, I’m terribly sorry, but –

DUCHESS: No, that’s too short.

ALICE: I’m everso sorry but I’m afraid it ran away.

DUCHESS: What about this one?

The DUCHESS hands her another flamingo.

What ran away?

ALICE: The pig. The pigbaby. I’m really sorry. It just ran off, so –

DUCHESS: Oh don’t worry about that, dolly. Getting that baby off my hands was the best thing I ever did – I can’t tell you how much better I feel – calmer, more adjusted, freer, less tense – so much less tense, I was carrying all this tension in my neck, in my shoulders –

No dolly, you’re holding it the wrong way up.

ALICE: Um, OK.

DUCHESS: And you must greet it nicely.

ALICE: Sorry?

DUCHESS: Say hello.

ALICE: Um, hello. Flamingo.

FLAMINGO: Mr Flamingo if you don’t mind.

DUCHESS: You’ve to be very polite or it won’t hit when you want it to.

ALICE: Um, sorry. Mr Flamingo.

FLAMINGO: That’s better.

DUCHESS: Bad-tempered things, flamingos, but you have to humour them.

FLAMINGO: I heard that.

DUCHESS: Isn’t this fun? Now, you need a hedgehog as well.

That’s the other good thing about losing the silly baby – now the queen will surely have me back. As soon as she sees me she’ll – You don’t think she’s only got me here to make up the numbers or something, do you?

ALICE: I’m sure not.

The DUCHESS has picked a hedgehog for ALICE.

DUCHESS: Here’s a good beginner’s one, try this. Just give it a little tap with the flamingo.

ALICE: Isn’t that cruel?

DUCHESS: No no, they love it.

HEDGEHOG: Hello, my name’s Roger and I’m going to be your hedgehog for today – any questions at all, don’t hesitate to ask.

Now feel free to hit me as hard as you like – I am a professional. Though I would ask you please to avoid the facial area as I need that for my modelling contracts.

ALICE: Modelling?

HEDGEHOG: I’m wasted here, quite frankly.

DUCHESS: Go on, dolly – have a go.

HEDGEHOG: So I roll up like this and then you hit me.

ALICE: With the flamingo.

FLAMINGO: Mr Flamingo.

HEDGEHOG: And then you try to get me through that little arch there, OK.

ALICE has a go. The HEDGEHOG yelps each time he’s hit.

Eeep! Thank you.

DUCHESS: Very good. Keep going.

You do think the queen will receive me today, don’t you? Just have to make sure I pick the right moment –

A fanfare.

Oh doll...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title page
• Copyright page
• Acknowledgements
• Characters
• Cast
• Contents
• ACT ONE
• ACT TWO