The Watsons

Laura Wade

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9781786826381
• eBook ISBN: 9781786826374
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

What happens when the writer loses the plot? Emma Watson is nineteen and new in town. She's been cut off by her rich aunt and dumped back in the family home. Emma and her sisters must marry, fast. If not, they face poverty, spinsterhood, or worse: an eternity with their boorish brother and his awful wife. Luckily there are plenty of potential suitors to dance with, from flirtatious Tom Musgrave to castle-owning Lord Osborne, who's as awkward as he is rich. So far so familiar. But there's a problem: Jane Austen didn't finish the story. Who will write Emma's happy ending now? Based on her incomplete novel, this sparklingly witty play looks under the bonnet of Jane Austen and asks: what can characters do when their author abandons them?

Act Two

SCENE ONE

A sketchy version of the Watsons’ parlour. There are chairs, and a small tea table with a tablecloth over it.

Sitting or standing around the room are EMMA, ELIZABETH, MARGARET, MRS ROBERT, ROBERT, NANNY, TOM MUSGRAVE, MR HOWARD, LORD OSBORNE, LADY OSBORNE and MISS OSBORNE.

LAURA stands before them, now wearing modern clothes and clutching a mug of tea.

There is some shuffling while everyone gets comfortable. NANNY sits by the table, polishing the silver. MARGARET tries to squeeze as close to TOM as she can.

LAURA: Alright. Everyone? Do you want to take a

Is everyone comfy? Margaret?

MARGARET: Yes, lovely.

LAURA: OK, here’s what I think should happen. This is based on what we know of Jane Austen’s plans and some stuff added by me on a What Would Jane Do kind of basis.

So Emma turns down Lord Osborne.

MRS ROBERT: Emma!

EMMA: Just listen.

LAURA: He calls round the day after proposing, so confident it’ll be a yes that he brings his mother along. Except when they get there, Emma says she’s changed her mind, she doesn’t want to marry him after all. Lady Osborne attempts to persuade her but Emma’s adamant.

LADY OSBORNE: Why do I

LAURA: Questions at the end, OK?

Lady Osborne vows revenge on Emma. Meanwhile Tom Musgrave gets engaged to Miss Osborne which is a shock to everyone, but it turns out she’s blackmailed him to marry her because he has gambling debts she can pay off, and he’s in rather desperate straits.

MISS OSBORNE: Nice.

LAURA: Margaret’s distraught at losing Tom, her best chance of marriage and escape from Mr and Mrs Robert, so she runs off with the regiment to Brighton.

MARGARET: Gosh. Aren’t I awful?

LAURA: And obviously because of the time you’re living in, that’s devastating for Elizabeth and Emma’s reputations.

ELIZABETH: Margaret’s talent for spoiling everything.

MARGARET: You’re just jealous because I get to go to Brighton.

TOM MUSGRAVE: Is ‘going to Brighton’ a euphemism?

LAURA: Pretty much. Mr Howard hears of Margaret absconding and heroically rides to Brighton to bring her back before her virtue is despoiled. Emma is impressed and grateful, but Howard’s behaviour to her turns strangely cold.

ROBERT: Why?

LAURA: Well it turns out Lady Osborne has been spreading gossip, telling people that Emma was sent back from Shropshire because she’d been flirting – or worse – with Captain O’Brien,

EMMA: Ugh

LAURA: and Aunt Turner didn’t like it so she sent her away. Emma hears about this when Lord Osborne turns up to gloat at her, saying he’s glad he didn’t end up with a loose woman. Emma goes to Howard and tries to explain that the stories aren’t true, but he doesn’t believe her. As a man of the church he’s got to choose a wife of the strongest moral character.

All seems lost: Emma feels condemned to a life of miserable spinsterhood, and she and Elizabeth practically end up as unpaid servants for Mrs Robert.

MRS ROBERT: They’re lucky we’ll have them.

LAURA: But then out of the blue, Aunt Turner writes to say she’s coming for a visit.

EMMA: No.

LAURA: Yes! And when she arrives she tells you Captain O’Brien has died, and she’s seen the error of her ways so she’s settling money on you for your future – you don’t need to be dependent on Robert anymore.

EMMA: And then she takes me back to Shropshire?

LAURA: Even better. She explains everything to Howard – you’re not a scarlet woman it was all lies – and he’s ashamed to have believed the slander. You forgive him because he’s so very contrite,

HOWARD: Yes I’m good at contrition.

LAURA: He asks you to marry him, you say yes straight away – on the proviso that you move to a bigger house than the parsonage, which you can do now you’ve got money. Big wedding, flowers, confetti, we’ve all learned something, curtain falls, everyone happy.

Ta dah.

Everyone’s thinking.

Modified rapture.

MRS ROBERT: I don’t seem to be in it very much.

LAURA: There’s some comedy in the middle about you trying to make friends with Lady Osborne. I was just doing the main points really, but you’re absolutely in there, as

MRS ROBERT: As?

LAURA: Texture?

LADY OSBORNE stands up, a small folded piece of paper in one hand and a pencil in the other.

LADY OSBORNE: Alright, shall I go first?

LAURA: Sure, yes.

She refers to the piece of paper – some notes she h...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Dedication
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• Characters
• Act One
• Act Two