The Methuen Drama Book of Comic Monologues for Women

Volume Two

Katy Wix

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2015
• Print ISBN: 9781350275409
• eBook ISBN: 9781783199242
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Media & Performing Arts
• Subtopic: Acting & Auditioning

A comedian and writer, Wix has for the past few years been writing audition speeches for students at drama schools including RADA, LAMDA, Drama Centre and The Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama. A book of contemporary comedy monologues does not exist for today's actor or indeed a book comprising solely of showcase speeches. This is a collection of very funny and original audition speeches filling a significant gap in the market: made up of monologues for various age ranges, each with a running time of two to three minutes. The brevity in length makes these ideal for auditions or showcases and the variety in age and style encompasses different comedic approaches; from the very quirky to the more traditional – perfect for every type of performer.

Contents

FOREWORD

INTRODUCTION

AN UNPLEASANT EVENT

BOTTLEWASHER

BOUNCER

BRIAN

BULLDOZER

CAMEL

COMMUNION

COUNTRY MATTERS

CREDIT

CURIO

DOLLY

DROWNING

DRUMS

EXCHANGE

EXPERIENCE

FAME

FIGUREHEAD

GOOD LUCK

GRAND

HONESTY

INSTANT

KEEP SMILING

A LEMON TREE

LIKENESS

MANDATE

MOOD

ON STAGE

OPENING

OUT THERE

PATIENCE

PICK

RIVERBED

SOUTH

SQUEEZE

THE BIG DAY

THE PAUSE

THE WALK

THREE

TIME FLIES

WHAT IS LEFT

FOREWORD

Katy Wix makes me laugh 97% more than most people. And although comedy and what you find funny is incredibly subjective, she is the perfect person to have written a collection like this. She’s smart but off the wall. She’s bold but irreverent. Her voice is unique.

A book like this is long overdue – a compilation of hilarious, sharp, witty and diverse comic speeches for women. So now you don’t ever have to go looking for monologues again! No more trawling through screenplays and scripts on the dusty old Internet. She’s done the work for you. It’s all here! And all of the characters are warm, interesting and very funny. They are a pleasure to read and will be a pleasure to perform.

So have fun. Katy would want it that way.

Sharon Horgan
September 2015

INTRODUCTION

Hello and welcome to the second volume of comic monologues for women you lucky thing! Here we are again. Sure as night follows day, so book two follows on from book one, as I bring you a brand new batch of original speeches.

There are many great books on the market providing audition material for performers, but I was surprised to find that there wasn’t a collection of original and contemporary comic monologues solely for women and so decided to start writing them myself.

Naturally and correctly, everyone is now bored to the point of menstruation with the joyless and hopefully moribund ‘Are Women Funny?’ debate. To me, the idea of asking if something is funny is like saying ‘What’s tasty?’ Humour is surely as personal as your shadow or hairstyle. Wait, hang on – I wasn’t even going to engage with it as a debate. Oh balls, right, that’s enough of that.

Like most overdone monologues, they are overdone for a reason: because they are good. However, the more performers I spoke to, especially those who wanted to perform comedy and enjoy performing something unheard, it became apparent that there was a real dearth of contemporary comic content. The classics remain a staple diet for any actress, but when it comes to comedy it seems they are subsisting on more meagre portions, which is why I wanted to write a second volume.

A monologue is often the point in a play where the character must speak; an impulse which summons them to voice something. And yet I read a great many speeches where female characters were either assuming the role of caretaker or rather helplessly reacting to events in the plot rather than actively changing them. There was a sense of passivity – an external rather than internal locus of control. Let’s give them the umbrella title for now of the ‘Why Doesn’t He Text Me Back? What’s Wrong With Me?’ monologues. Self-critiquing and being a loser in love are of course British comedy staples, but I didn’t want it to be the only way of getting a laugh. If there were a Bechdel test equivalent for anthologies of original comic monologues for women then I like to think that this book would pass.

A lovely young actor called Megan very kindly took the time to write to me and phrased it perfectly:

‘As a 6ft tall “de...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half-title Page
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Acknowledgements
• Contents
• Foreword
• Introduction
• An Unpleasant Event
• Bottlewasher
• Bouncer
• Brian
• Bulldozer
• Camel
• Communion
• Country Matters
• Credit
• Curio
• Dolly
• Drowning
• Drums
• Exchange
• Experience
• Fame
• Figurehead
• Good Luck
• Grand
• Honesty
• Instant
• Keep Smiling
• A Lemon Tree
• Likeness
• Mandate
• Mood
• On Stage
• Opening
• Out There
• Patience
• Pick
• Riverbed
• South
• Squeeze
• The Big Day
• The Pause
• The Walk
• Three
• Time Flies
• What is Left