Still No Idea

Lisa Hammond, Rachael Spence, Lee Simpson, Lee Simpson

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2018
• Print ISBN: 9781786826947
• eBook ISBN: 9781786826930
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

Best mates Lisa and Rachael are making a new show almost a decade after they createdtheir first piecetogether. Back then they had no idea where to start so they went onto the streets and asked the public. What story should they tell? What characters should they play? When they saw Lisa in a wheelchair and Rachael not, what the public said was funny, jaw-dropping and ultimately heartbreaking. They made a show about it. It was called No Idea. Now people say the world has changed and things are looking up. There are more disabled people in the mainstream media, Lisa landed a big part onTVand disabled mates are getting regular auditions – happy days. So what kind of exciting stories are the TV professionals dreaming up for them? Still No Idea is the whole story (so far): the British public, the professional writers, the TV execs. Part verbatim theatre, part improv, part comedy sketch show, this is a raucous and mischievous exposé of good intentions gone bad and how sometimes no matter how hard we try, we still have absolutely no idea.

RELAXED PERFORMANCE CHAT

RACHAEL: Hello.

LISA: Hello.

RACHAEL: I’m Rachael.

LISA: I’m Lisa.

RACHAEL: It hasn’t started yet.

LISA: But when it does it’ll be a lot like this.

RACHAEL: We just wanted to say that we would like you to respond to the show in any way you want to.

LISA: If you need to leave the auditorium at any point please do and come back whenever you’re ready.

The lights close down to something more focused around them.

VOX POPS

RACHAEL: It all began when we decided we wanted to make a show together.

LISA: But we didn’t have any ideas.

RACHAEL: So we went out and about and asked the public for theirs.

LISA: We said, ‘Take a good look at us. What sort of play would we be in?’

RACHAEL: If you imagined two actors like us in a show, what sort of show do you imagine? What sort of characters do you imagine we would play?

LISA: What would the story be? What would the relationship be between us?

RACHAEL: And this is what they said…

They have MP3 players with them and put the buds in their ears.

They check in with each other that they are both ready, and with a synchronized gesture, they press ‘play.’

RACHAEL and LISA speak the words they hear through their headphones.

ANT AND DEC

RACHAEL: There might be lots of um’s and ah’s. Ummm. When you say double act, you always tend to think a comedy double act like Morecambe and Wise, Ant and Dec that type of thing because you get, you play off each other. So, whether you’re good guy bad guy, straight guy, funny guy. Erm, you might be the funny guy. I think you’re probably cheeky. I don’t know you’ve just got a cheeky face. Uhhhh, probably to try not make it part of the story cause otherwise it differentiates you. So you are, y’know, you’re a wheelchair user, but why should that make you different? I don’t know.

GRAB MY EYE

LISA: You definitely grab my attention and you grab my attention as well.

RACHAEL: Yeah, yeah but what as? I could see you playing

Cinderella you know.

LISA: Like

RACHAEL: Cinderella. You know in one of those Disney… films/I could see you being in one of those, white dress, swirling around on ice or something like that. I don’t know why.

LISA: I could see you being a funny kind of character, like not sneaky but like cocky and stuff like that. And I could see her being a very pleasant like character. Umm, like she could be umm/ yeah, the opposite of what you are.

RACHAEL: Opposite of you.

LISA: Something that will grab umm, people’s eyes.

RACHAEL: Young minds attention.

LISA: Yeah cause I did say she would be a cocky kind of character. Kinda cheeky at times.

RACHAEL: No, I think you ought to be sisters always arguing or something like that/ That’s what I think. Opposite sisters. Something that someone one gets more attention than the other.

LISA: No. No. No.

RACHAEL: Have you seen Sister Sister? Haven’t you?/ Haven’t you seen Sister Sister on Nickelodeon? It’s a twins kind of show. It’s like a twins show.

LISA: You need to watch that. Trust me.

LISA: Not everyone watches that. Put some kids in it as well. That would really grab people’s eyes. You’re writing the play, you’d be the main characters. And then maybe a male. A very strong./ Donominante. A very strong minded person like he could like it could like be something that happens nowadays he could maybe hit his wife./ or something like that.

RACHAEL: Tall, Tyreece, dark skin.

RACHAEL: Yeah that’s what I was gonna say.

LISA: That wife.

RACHAEL: I think you’re fighting over him. Nah, I think it should be more like you’re not sisters exactly but one of you should be like the one that goes, that’s with the man and then like he abuses that one of you and then one of you kinda like backs her up and one of you is always fighting with the man and so they don’t like each other and you’re not allowed round the house or whatever. And then like, what she, or whoever’s playing the girlfriend or whatever, she doesn’t like the fact that you don’t like the boy so like you’re always having arguments as well and then you kind of your friendship or sisterhood kind of like…….

LISA: Funny characters. To grab people’s attention./Funny.

RACHAEL: Get Beyoncé in there. Trust me, you’ll have millions.

LISA: You can’t do that.

RACHAEL: Beyoncé. Yeah I know I’m just sayin. You can, that can happen you know. You can get Beyoncé.

LISA: In a film. Beyoncé don’t do theatre. She does films.

RACHAEL: So you don’t know. As long as she’s getting paid she doesn’t mind what she’s doing.

OBSERVATIONS ON LIFE

RACHAEL: Are you gonna write it yourself? So you’re very dialogue driven then rather than action? Are you good ...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Half-Title Page
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• Characters
• Chapter 1