Scrounger

Athena Stevens

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2020
• Print ISBN: 9781786828958
• eBook ISBN: 9781786828941
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Social Sciences
• Subtopic: Discrimination & Race Relations
• Index: Social Sciences

Everyone likes to make speculations about Scrounger. Scrounger doesn't care. A successful online personality, she's got more power from her bedroom than anyone on the Southwark estates could dream of. She's educated, she's ballsy, Scrounger is a woman who knows how to make change happen.

SCROUNGER walks onstage from the back. Looking almost like she does not belong she wears trainers, a hoodie, leggings. She walks with an uneven gait, special, unique to her and her condition. There is something animal-like in the way her feet slap the floor, the gait of a mythical creature who, despite all the tension in her body, can still fall over if someone breathes the wrong way. She is relentless. Oblivion is not an option.

SCROUNGER stops a little too close for comfort. Seriously, who even let her on?

She talks directly to us, calling the audience out from moment one.

Yeah. I see you.

You think you like me.

You think it’s brave that I am up here,

With my mouth forming strange shapes which somehow makes sounds,

Strung together that you’re amazed you can understand,

Given two or three minutes.

You’ve already made up your mind that you will go home

Have a glass of Pimms with like-minded friends

And talk about how you sat through a borderline freak show… that you enjoyed!

Because that’s how delightfully progressive you are.

Enlightened.

Left leaning.

Guardian reading, Daily Mail hating, Oxfam giving, colour blind seeing, red voting, paper straw using, conflict avoiding, zen loving, feminist supporting, always for the few… liberal minded you.

You’ll say how it was hard to watch me, but you stuck through the awkward moments,

Because that’s what a good open minded person does.

And you are a good person.

Waiting for some poor outsider like me, to be a vibrator to your ego.

See, I can say shit like that. Cuz you wanna like me.

SCROUNGER zeros in on our plant in the audience. This is the ‘PA’ who will play all of the other roles and do all of the actions to her. The PA can be played by any abled bodied person who is up to the job. Any race, gender, age etc.

She gets right up in the PA’s face. Licks it. Talks to the PA directly.

What are you gonna do about it?

Huh?

SCROUNGER gets in between the PA’s legs. This had better be part of the script. Then SCROUNGER addresses the whole audience.

What are any of you gonna do about it?

The PA is jerked on the stage.

Don’t worry. I’ve done this before. Loads of times.

Haven’t you?

The PA takes a second to adjust to being onstage, before grabbing SCROUNGER. The two actors together move like a choreographed dance, so there is no doubt that both actors are in it completely. Everything’s fine folks…

PA: Welcome to British Airways flight 8720 flying nonstop from London City Airport to Glasgow and served by BA City Flyer. Friends as you are aware we were supposed to leave twenty three minutes ago but we’ve had some technical hold ups. The good news is the wind is working in our favour, so we should be able to make up at least some of that time. We are just loading up the last few things into the hold now. Hopefully we’ll be in the air by 7:30. Sit tight and remember: To fly. To serve.

6:55 AM flight out of London City Airport.

Made it out here by myself on the DLR,

That bit of TFL nobody really thinks about until they need it.

Then they go ‘well this is nice. Thank God it’s here!’

Truth is even though it’s Monday morning,

I didn’t even bother hitting the pillow last night.

Boyfriend and I just settled into a new flat in Elephant and Castle

And we had a few mates over to celebrate.

Emma’s fiancee’s just come back from filming in Syria,

And she wanted to talk about it.

The PA takes on the persona of Emma.

PA: Tom was fine. The company knew where they needed to stay and all that. But a tiny minority of people are keeping the majority oppressed. Children are being tortured. Children! And the hope of the Arab Spring is just gone! Asaad is crazy, Obama’s doing fuck all. And I’m gonna run a marathon to do something about it.

Oh, well done Emma.

Do you want to do it with me?

Tell you what. As soon as you set up your JustGiving Page,

I’ll be the first one to donate.

PA takes on the role of Boyfriend. He slings a caring arm around SCROUNGER as if to get Emma out of a scrape she’s utterly unaware she’s in.

PA: I’ll help you train, Em. About all she’s good at on the road is being a pace car in her wheelchair to be fair.

They kiss and then Boyfriend picks up a plate and heads back over to Emma.

PA: More kale chips and hummus Emma?

That’s him.

The Boyfriend. He’s done six marathons for charity.

Six.

That’s 157.2 miles.

Another one and he’ll have run the distance between London and Manchester.

Helping strangers he doesn’t even know.

Puts me to shame really.

PA switches back to Emma.

PA: Great flat guys. Really. Have to say I wasn’t that thrilled when I saw the address. You know how I feel about what LendLease did to the people who were here.

Here we go.

PA: BUT… I just want to say I really truly hope you both will be very happy here. I think you will be. So, hatchet is bur...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• Introduction by Athena Stevens
• Characters
• Chapter 1