Sh!t Theatre Drink Rum with Expats

Sh!t Theatre

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2019
• Print ISBN: 9781786829788
• eBook ISBN: 9781786829795
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Social Sciences
• Subtopic: Emigration & Immigration
• Index: Social Sciences

In 2018, island-monkeys Becca and Louise got invited to Valletta, the European Capital of Culture in Malta. They thought they were going to drink rum with Brits abroad, celebrating their final year as Europeans, and make a play. Instead they found corruption, hypocrisy, and murder in the fight to be European. Blending investigative journalism with live art, Drinking Rum is more than just another excuse for the multi-award winning Sh!t Theatre to get drunk on stage.

Words underlined are spoken in unison

Performances of this play use multimedia including audio and projected images and videos¹. Footnotes are often used to denote a photo/video that is being projected upstage or to provide extra context to what is being said/portrayed.

On stage is a set of a pub. The wooden bar has a large metal sign on the front that says: ‘The Pub’. There are 2 ice buckets on either side of the bar with a bottle of rum in each and the bar is littered with cans of the Maltese beer ‘Cisk’ and Cisk slogan beer mats. There is a small plate of cheese in the middle. Behind is a back bar above which is a projection screen. On either side of the screen are 2 wooden flats, painted with a cave rock effect. Bar optics with bottles of rum are attached to the flats above 2 flags². The back bar is cluttered with framed pictures, flowers in bottles, a large blue bottle wrapped in white gaffa with ‘OH DEAR GOD’ written on it, candles and beer mats. Framed pictures include the actor Oliver Reed and a smiling woman with shoulder-length dark hair³. In front of the bar are two traditional bar stools and a large traditional pub carpet in blue, smelling of beer and cheese and onion crisps. 2 mics on stands are downstage left and right. Stage right is a wooden pub A-frame.

When the show opens, Becca & Louise (B&L) are in costume working behind the bar, serving free beers to anyone who wants to come up, and handing out free cheese from the small plate. The costumes consist of black ship’s captains jackets with gold epaulettes, over white t-shirts and denim shorts. Their Dolly Parton leg tattoos are visible. On their feet are thick white dad socks and walking sandals. Their faces are painted white with a large St George’s cross/Maltese cross.

AUDIO: ‘Fairground’ by Simply Red. B&L are enjoying the song, possibly a bit too much.

VIDEO: The screen above the bar is playing a slow-motion England vs. Poland men’s football match from 1973⁴. Every so often, the football switches to a Sky News broadcast about migrant rescue in the Med, and then quickly switches back to the football. When ‘Fairground’ hits the chorus, the video switches briefly to a karaoke vid of the lyrics ‘I love the thought of coming home to you, even if I know I can’t make it’, then back to the football.

B or L rings a hand bell.

Time at the bar!

The video ends and B&L climb up onto the bar and start to sing a cappella:

What care we though wild the sea is

What care we boys the wind and weather

B&L each pick up a beer can from the bar. They swing the beer can in time over their heads.

When we know that, every inch is

Closer homeward to my island⁵

B&L start swinging the beer cans in double time.

Heel ya ho, boys, let her go, boys

Heave her head round into the weather

Heel ya ho, boys, let her go, boys

Sailing homeward to my island

B&L begin to thrust the cans in the air triumphantly and whirl them around their heads.

Lovers waiting by the cliffhead

Gazing seaward from the harbour

Heave ahead round and we’ll anchor

Ere the sun sets on my island

B&L jump off the bar and approach the audience, vigorously shaking the beer cans and stamping in time to the song.

Heel ya ho, boys, let her go, boys

Heave her head round into the weather

Heel ya ho, boys, let her go, boys

Sailing homeward to my island

Sailing homeward to my island

B&L hold out the cans in front of the audience as though to open them and get everyone really quite wet now.

B: All on board?

B&L turn last minute and take the unopened cans back to the bar.

L: We invite you to shut your eyes

B&L approach th...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• Dedication
• Introduction by Sh!t Theatre
• Golden Passports
• Introduction by Neil Falzon
• Daphne Caruana Galizia
• Sh!t Theatre Drink Rum With Expats