Young Marx

Richard Bean, Clive Coleman

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2017
• Print ISBN: 9781786822833
• eBook ISBN: 9781786822840
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Politics & International Relations
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Politics & International Relations

Young Marx is a comedy set in 1850's London, where Karl Marx, is hiding in Dean Street, Soho. Broke and restless, the play portrays the thirty-two-year-old revolutionary as a frothing combination of intellectual brilliance, invective, satiric wit, and child-like emotional illiteracy.

Creditors, spies, rival revolutionary factions and prospective seducers of his beautiful wife all circle like vultures. His writing blocked, his marriage dying, his friend Engels in despair at his wasted genius, his only hope is a job on the railway. But there's still no one in the capital who can show you a better night on the piss than Karl Heinrich Marx.

Young Marx aims to demystify Karl Marx, and is full of jokes and farce. It was chosen as the first play at the opening of London's Bridge Theatre in 2017, where it played to critical acclaim.

Act One

SCENE ONE

(1850. A pawnbroker’s. On one end of the counter, MR FLEECE is looking at paperwork. His assistant JIM is polishing a brass. MARX enters, produces the Argyll from under his coat and places it on the other end of counter.)

MR FLEECE: (Without looking up.) In a moment, I’m going to ask you to bring that item over here and tell me what it is.

(MARX picks up the Argyll.)

Not yet!

(FLEECE finally looks up from his papers.)

Now, bring it over here, and tell me what it is.

(MARX delivers the ARGYLL to that bit of the counter before MR FLEECE.)

MARX: Also, it’s a gravy warmer, an Argyll, an original, invented by the eponymous Duke. (Also pronounced alzo.)

MR FLEECE: And what was he called?

MARX: Argyll.

MR FLEECE: Is that why it’s called an Argyll?

MARX: Who knows?!

MR FLEECE: What’s its value?

MARX: (Beat.) Its use value or its exchange value?

MR FLEECE: What’s the difference?

MARX: How long do you have?

MR FLEECE: I’ve got all day mate.

MARX: That may not be enough time. To fix an exchange value we would need to know the socially necessary labour time required to produce this commodity with the average degree of skill und intensity currently prevalent.

MR FLEECE: (Nods to JIM to leave.) Jim!

(JIM leaves.)

MARX: Where is Jim going?

MR FLEECE: There’s always something. Love, money, netting. (Beat.) So, is this a horse?

MARX: Nein!

MR FLEECE: Good. That means we can take a butchers at its arse.

(MR FLEECE picks up the Argyll and turns it over, to look at the hallmarks.)

Let’s see how much silver they reckon we got here?

MARX: Why does that interest you? The value of any commodity is an entirely social characteristic. The contribution of the silver is chimerical, arbitrary.

(MR FLEECE puts the Argyll down.)

MR FLEECE: See what I did there? I had a look at the hallmark, put it back down. Had a look, put it down. ’cause you’ve made me mind up for me. Since it’s entirely arbitrary, I’ll give you one penny.

MARX: Is that all! It’s a family heirloom.

MR FLEECE: Are you Scottish then?

MARX: Jawohl!

MR FLEECE: So what’s your name then son?

MARX: Karl Heinrich Marx.

MR FLEECE: A Jew?

MARX: Yes, from a long line of rabbis, most of whom were also Jewish. It’s my wife who’s Scottish.

MR FLEECE: And what’s your wife’s name?

MARX: Frau Jenny Von Westphalen. She is the daughter of Baron Ludwig von Westphalen whose mother was Anne Wishart who was descended from the totally Scottish Earls of Argyll.

MR FLEECE: Do you expect me to believe that a penniless German Jew married into the Scottish aristocracy?

MARX: I’m not saying they were happy about it. On the wedding day, I was only invited to the reception.

MR FLEECE: In a moment, I’m going to put this Argyll on this shelf here.

MARX: Und how much –

MR FLEECE: Not yet!!

(FLEECE picks up the Argyll and puts it on the shelf.)

Do you see what I did there? I picked it up and I put on the shelf. The stolen goods shelf. ’Cause you’ve half inched this ain’t yer?!

(Re-enter JIM with policeman.)

SGT SAVAGE: Morning Len. What we got here?

MR FLEECE: Comedian.

MARX: We’ve met before officer.

SGT SAVAGE: Maybe, maybe not. We policemen, we all dress the same.

MARX: Mein singular offence ist to be poor. Can you arrest me for that?

SGT SAVAGE: Dunno. Policing’s new to us all.

MR FLEECE: Says this Argyll is a family heirloom.

MARX: It is my wife’s inheritance!

SGT SAVAGE: Does she know you’ve got it?

MARX: Does mein wife know that I’m pawning her inheritance?! Of course not!

SGT SAVAGE: My first volunteer. I’m gonna arrest you –

(MARX runs out of the shop.)

Stop thief!

End of Scene.

SCENE TWO

(MARX runs from the pawnbroker’s shop heading downstage. A police whistle sounds.)

SGT SAVAGE: (Off.) Stop thief! Thief!

(MARX heads upstage left but is blocked by a costermonger’s cart.)

BUTCHER: Oi! Marx! You owe me!

MARX: Tomorrow!

BAKER: Grab him, he’s wanted!

TOBACCONIST: I got him.

(The TOBACCONIST has grabbed him by the coat, but MARX wriggles out of the coat, leaving the coat behind as he heads back downstage. SGT SAVAGE and the PAWNBROKER run on and confront MAR...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half-title Page
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Characters
• Act One
• Act Two