Breaking the Ice

Kieran Lynn

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2016
• Print ISBN: 9781786820396
• eBook ISBN: 9781786820402
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

The Arctic is in danger and the only thing that can save it is bureaucracy. Frank Montgomery is the Foreign and Commonwealth Office Chief Scientific Advisor to the Arctic Council. He's in Barrow, Alaska, at the biannual meeting of the Council in Barrow, Alaska to give the speech that will tilt the scales. The only problem is he has spilt yogurt on his suit, left his speech at the breakfast buffet and been kidnapped by militant activists. Can he make it back to the back to the podium before it's too late?

FRANK MONTGOMERY, FCO Chief Scientific Advisor to the Arctic Council, is centre stage. He wears a white, bathrobe, with the initials H. J. L. stitched on the lapel. He addresses the audience.

FRANK: Well, I suppose I’ll start at the very beginning. I arrived in Barrow, Alaska yesterday evening. It was all a little last minute. I had only been in the post of FCO Chief Scientific Advisor to the Arctic Council for one week – After the previous advisor was struck down with a crippling case of ultraviolet keratitis, more commonly known as snow-blindness. I was hurriedly suggested and appointed based on my work as a geologist – I was then given two days to write a speech to present at the Arctic Council meeting. The Arctic Council, in case you don’t know, is the intergovernmental forum composed of the eight nations that border the Arctic – Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Iceland, Russia, Canada, and the United States. I was to be giving a speech called, The Proposed Impacts of Progressive Economic Expansion in the Arctic. Needless to say, I hadn’t expected a large turnout. Anyway, I had taken my speech on the plane, to practise during the flight, and I accidently left it on-board. I put it in the pocket in the seat in front of me during the serving of the meal and had forgotten to take it out after the plane landed. I called the airline, Air Greenland, but by the time I called them the plane was half way to Nuuk. So I stayed up all night writing a new speech, or rather trying to remember the old speech. Then this morning, while putting finishing touches on it during breakfast, I accidentally spilled yogurt on my suit. I knew selecting yogurt from the buffet it was a mistake. I’m a geologist, which means I rarely get invited anywhere, formally or informally, and I was feeling excited. Anyway, the foil lid of the yogurt was a real tricky one, so I adjusted my arm to give it a little more muscle. I ripped the thing off with too much force and the yogurt splattered all over my lap. I’m digressing here, I know I am, it’s simply because I’m still frustrated at myself. Yogurt? What was I thinking? Fortunately for me, the hotel had a dry cleaning service. So I changed into my dressing gown and sent my suit to be cleaned. During this time, the UK representative at the IMO came to see me – That’s the International Maritime Organisation – In fact, I should say at this point, that the acronyms at work in international relations are simply staggering. A few days ago I found myself in a meeting with the MD of the PRD for the FCO of the UK. I didn’t know if we were going to talk about the Arctic or play Scrabble. And the afternoon after my speech I’ve been invited to a WIP with a lady from the BDSM – Turns out that’s the British Directorate of Strategy in Mining, so I’m hoping we won’t need to agree on a safe word. Anyway, I was visited by a chap from the IMO who wanted to talk me through shipping lanes.

Cut to:

A large map of the Arctic appears. IMO REP, the UK representative at the International Maritime Organisation, is presenting in front of it. FRANK is trying to pay attention to the presentation and write his speech at the same time.

IMO REP: Right, let’s go over it once more.

FRANK: We’ve just been over it. And I really should work on my speech.

IMO REP: I know, but this is important to us and there will be a section for questions at the end so you have to sound like you know what you’re talking about.

FRANK: I can assure you it’s going to take a lot longer than this to make it sound like I know what I’m talking about.

IMO REP uses the map to talk FRANK through it.

IMO REP: The Northeast Passage runs from northern Norway east along the north Russian coast. It traverses the Barents Sea, the Kara Sea, the Laptev Sea, the East Siberian Sea and the Chukchi Sea, through the Bering Strait and then the west coast of the United States, or the coast of East Asia is your oyster. China, Japan, South Korea, in three quarters of the time it would have taken to travel south through the Suez. And this way we don’t have to run the risk of Somalia pirates or the Strait of Malacca.

FRANK: Will there ever be Arctic pirates?

IMO REP: Maybe eventually, but it’s cold up there so we’ll have to give them time to invest in winter wardrobes.

FRANK: Arctic pirates.

IMO REP: Yes.

FRANK: I’m sure they’ll be deadly and murderous and so on, but you’ve got to admit Arctic Pirates gets the imagination going, doesn’t it?

IMO REP: I suppose it does.

FRANK: I imagine them in reindeer fur coats and holding bows and arrows.

IMO REP: Well, they’ll probably be wearing North Face jackets and holding Russian-made Kalashnikovs, but I’m glad you’re enjoying a flight of fancy. (He goes back to the charts.) The Northwest Passage is traversable, but is complicated by thick ice, complex straights and pingos that make navigation tricky…

FRANK: Pingo.

IMO REP: And require…

FRANK: Pingo.

IMO REP: Advanced ice breaking.

FRANK: Pingo.

IMO REP: Yes pingo. I said pingo. What about it?

FRANK: Pingo.

IMO REP: Yes, it’s a, you know what we’ve been through t...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half-title Page
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Cast & Creative Team
• Characters
• Breaking the Ice
• By the Same Author