Don't Smoke in Bed

Aurin Squire

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2016
• Print ISBN: 9781783197538
• eBook ISBN: 9781783197545
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

"You know I saw an article in Time Magazine a few years ago that stated 'Asian Men are In, ' and it had a picture of a white woman riding the back of an Asian man. No Kidding. Like he was some kind of human rickshaw. Maybe you should take a picture of Sheryl riding me with a blunt in her mouth an' a dreadlock wig." Following the success of last year's production of Obama-ology, multi-award-winning African-American playwright Aurin Squire returns to the Finborough Theatre with another world premiere – Don't Smoke in Bed. Jamaican-American Richard and White-American Sheryl are starting a family together. When they agree to a series of 'bedroom interviews', they believe that their interracial relationship is the focus of the article. As both play up to what they believe are the expectations of the interviewer, they embark on a journey that challenges their relationship to the core as the barriers between psychological and social, sexual and political, public and private, melt and dissolve... Don't Smoke in Bed is a stunning exploration of social and racial perception in contemporary America.

SCENE SIX: DRAGONS

SHERYL sits there waiting for Richard. She talks to interviewer.

SHERYL: This is great news! Richard, get out here. How has your week been? We had a great time at the opera last night. Do you go to the MET? I just hired one of my grad students as a baby sitter. So now we can go out on occasion to the opera. It’s our little secret because admitting that you like opera in public is like saying you enjoy caviar. It sounds too elitist even for our circle.

Beat.

SHERYL: Richard loved “Siegfried.”

RICHARD: (Entering.) I thought we weren’t trying to seem desperately intelligent.

SHERYL: Yes, but it’s Wagner.

RICHARD: The Ring Cycle is one of the most complex triumphs of storytelling in the history of man.

SHERYL: And you know this because Wagner geeks repeatedly say that until you drink the Kool-Aid. How do they know it’s the most complex? Have they studied every story told? No, they just say that because it’s sounds puffed up like the man they worship. And there’s a dragon in the opera.

RICHARD: Just because there’s a dragon in it, doesn’t mean it’s dungeons and dragons. There’s a dragon in the Bible. (To interviewer.) Did you know that? There’s a dragon in the Good book. It’s in the Apocrypha so the Protestants kicked it out of the Bible because…well, Protestants don’t have a sense of humor. But the Catholics still have it in there.

SHERYL: I don’t think they care about the Bible. They want to hear about our marriage.

RICHARD: Our relationship is like the Bible.

SHERYL: New or Old Testament?

RICHARD: The Apocrypha. The part they kicked out. And in our Good but Shunned section of the Bible there is a story called “Bel and the Dragon” which is added on to the Book of Daniel. You should look it up. Bel and the Dragon sounds like a child’s story. But it’s not. We are like that.

SHERYL: Richard…what are you talking about?

RICHARD: Bel is a bastardization of Ba’al, which means Lord or Master which later grew to have demonic connotations. But back then Baal or Bel was pure. So the story is more aptly juxtaposing ‘The Lord and the Dragon.’ And it takes place in Babylon, a place Jamaicans love to talk about. Because Babylon and “Bel and the Dragon” are about the same thing: worshipping false idols.

SHERYL: Okay and how is our relationship like that?

RICHARD: Well I meant all relationships. Not just ours. All relationships.

SHERYL: How so?

RICHARD: It’s all the nasty, inconvenient books that we excise from our shared memories.

SHERYL: What nasty, inconvenient books?

RICHARD: Honey, I just told you. Daniel, Bel and the Dragon.

SHERYL: Yes, but I’m talking about us? What nasty, inconvenient books have you excised?

RICHARD: My dragons? Don’t think I have any.

SHERYL: Richard, you’re just so perfect.

RICHARD: Yes, it’s a burden I live with every day. What are your’s?

SHERYL: My burdens?

RICHARD: Your dragons?

SHERYL: It’s silly.

RICHARD: Yes, False idols and dragons are silly. But they still must be slayed by the light of truth.

SHERYL: Well I thought you would be more cruel.

RICHARD: How so?

SHERYL: I talked to some of my friends and they warned me: watch out for Jamaican men. Kind of the same stereotype that’s around…Nigerians or Arab men.

RICHARD: Machismo?

SHERYL: No, cruelty toward women.

RICHARD: Same thing.

SHERYL: No, it’s not. Machismo is a mild Western European attitude of patriarchy. Woman on the arm, macho guy, defender, protector, provider. Woman stays home and cooks. But with Black guys from other countries like Jamaica, you hear so many horror stories. The verbal abuse and then shoving. American woman tries to leave and she gets a cup of acid thrown in her face.

RICHARD: You thought I might throw acid in your face if we broke up.

SHERYL: No, no, Richard that’s not what I’m saying. There was a fear of ‘do I want to start something with someone from a vastly different cultures where the views of women are frightening? Am I at risk?’

RICHARD: You talk like Jamaica is Somalia or some place with female genital mutilation, bound feet, and a bucket of acid to a girl’s face if she tries to learn how to read.

SHERYL: Baby, we’ve had this discussion before.

RICHARD: Yes, but I thought we were just talking about the arrogant attitude of Jamaican men.

SHERYL: Richard, they rape women in Jamaica. Just for looking too butch. They rape them to ‘correct’ lesbian behaviors. And then they often kill them.

RICHARD: They do that in America.

SHERYL: Yes, but that’s an exceptional case. In Jamaica you hear about that regularly. Women fear for their lives. If you’re lesbian you get raped, if you’re different you get raped. If you’re too flamboyant you get raped. If you’re too strong –

RICHARD: If the soup is cold, we rape you. If the clothes aren’t ironed well, we rape you. Yes, it’s quite common. Rape is like our chicken soup.

SHERYL: Stop being sarcastic.

RICHARD: I have no choice but to be when you say such offensive things. It’s my defense mechanism against ignorance.

SHERYL: I’m ignorant?

RICHARD: I didn’t say you were ignorant but you’re displaying ignorance.

SHERYL: Richard I didn’t just all of a sudden come to this view of Jamaicans or Africans or Arabs while sitting at home one night. I began to think this because I read, I talk to women from other countries, I have friends from other countries who tell me.

RICHARD: They exaggerate.

SHERYL: Excuse me?

RICHARD: Women exaggerate. They come here and have more freedom and wish to fit in. So they tell these terrible stories about home life.

SHERYL: That’s ridiculous.

RICHARD: Sheryl, you do the same thing. Women come from Alabama and go to Ohio and then Alabama becomes like this third world country...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half-title Page
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Characters
• Scene One: Simple Simon
• Scene Two: Black Sheep
• Scene Three: Orange and Lemons
• Scene Four: Under the Sheets
• Scene Five: Big-Bellied Appetite
• Scene Six: Dragons
• Scene Seven: Mona Lisa
• Scene Eight: Omega and Alpha