Introduction
Being grateful is an affirmation of the goodness in us and around us. It draws conscious attention to whatâs going well and how the source of this goodness comes from both within and around us. In this way, it increases hope in ourselves and others. Gratitude practice has also been linked to stronger immunity, lower blood pressure, better sleep, higher optimism, increased happiness, social connection and much more (Emmons, 2010). Experiencing gratitude for others is important in all relationships and when it is noted and shared it builds deeper bonds (Gordon, Impett, Kogan, Oveis, and Keltner, 2012).
Being grateful for what you have, keeping things in perspective and looking on the bright side, can be easier said than done. Like resilience, there are many factors at play when it comes to gratitude, optimism and perspective. How youâre feeling on the day, current circumstances and who you are connected with at the time can all have an effect. When youâre young, inexperienced and your brain is still developing, it can be even more challenging to execute these skills consistently. Experiencing stress or new challenges will mean that thoughts and feelings have a tendency to run away from you. Feeling gratitude, keeping things in perspective and remaining optimistic will naturally be harder during difficult times.
Gratitude, optimism and healthy perspective are higher order skills that need time, practice and encouragement to build. These skills are hard enough for adults, so itâs important to show young people understanding as they learn to navigate their way towards them.
A feeling of gratitude is a warm and hopeful feeling that comes from noticing what you have and whatâs going well, instead of whatâs going wrong or what you feel is missing. Being grateful allows your mind to focus on the warmth of positive relationships, the beauty of nature, luck, goodwill and everything else around you that is going well. When gratitude focuses on three things that went well each for a period of 21 days, wellbeing, empathy and happiness increase. Anxiety and stress reduce too (Emmons and McCullough, 2003; Seligman, 2011). Gratitude is also powerful in leading you to experience positive situations again in reflection, almost as if you were experiencing them all over again (Rubin, 2011).
Different perspectives: optimists and pessimists
Seligman (2007) suggests the difference between optimists and pessimists is about how setbacks and victories are interpreted. Optimists see setbacks as temporary, changeable and related to the present circumstances. Pessimists see setbacks as permanent, fixed, and globalise the setback to all aspects of their lives. Victories are viewed by optimists as long term and seen as a reflection of how well their lives are going. Pessimists see victories as temporary, occurring because of luck and something unlikely to be repeated (Seligman, 2007).
To build skills like gratitude and optimism, young people need our leadership to develop a realistic view of life and the learning process. While social comparison is a normal part of development, particularly in middle childhood, an additional burden of social comparison occurs now via social media platforms. It is important we help young people navigate this area that most of us grew up without. Success stories flood the internet and social media, visually displaying achievement without showing the hard work behind that achievement. Obstacles, mistakes and failures that occurred along the way are conveniently ignored, creating a sense of scarcity within and pressure to strive to reach a particular place before you can be happy and grateful. Teaching young people how a variety of factors steer the course of success can help them develop perspective about why things donât always go according to plan. Relationships, friendships, health, work, sport, play and school interconnect our lives and experiences with the lives and experiences of everyone around us. It would not be possible for things to go smoothly all the time with so much at play.
Add natural temperament, personality and environmental differences, and some people just find it easier to feel grateful and look on the bright side than others. Developing skills in gratitude, perspective and optimism in those who have a less sunny temperament is a process enhanced with time and practice.
With practice, the brainâs neuroplasticity allows stronger connections to develop in the areas of gratitude, good perspective and optimism, weakening old connections for negative perspective and pessimism. Being more optimistic and grateful can be taught (Shawn Achor, 2018).
