Hir

Taylor Mac

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2017
• Print ISBN:
  9781786822598
• Edition: 1
• eBook ISBN:
  9781786822604
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: American Drama
• Index: Literature

"Stop behaving like a man!"

"We are men!"

Isaac gets home from serving in the marines to find war has broken out back home. In a nondescript town somewhere in Central Valley – America, Isaac's mom Paige is blowing up entrenched routines.

Fed up with domestic patriarchy, Paige has stopped washing, cleaning and caring for their ailing father, who recently suffered a stroke. She reigns supreme.

Ally to their mother's new regime is Isaac's sibling Max. Only last time Isaac checked, Max was Maxine. Once the breadwinner, Isaac's dad has toppled from the head of the household to the bottom of the pile – a make-upped puppet emasculated by Paige once and for all.

Act One

Seven o’clock in the morning. PAIGE is waiting by the door, looking out of it. She’s had too much coffee. ARNOLD eats a bowl of mush, as someone with brain damage would. He wears a frilly woman’s nightgown. He has extreme make-up on and a clown wig, making him look like an effeminate cross-dressing clown. PAIGE pours herself another cup of coffee. She goes back to the door.

ISAAC: (Trying to open the front door, which is blocked by too much stuff.) I’m home –

PAIGE: Honey?

ISAAC: (Trying to open the door.) Is something blocking the door?

PAIGE: Come around back. Arnold, get in your place!

ISAAC: Why won’t the door open?

PAIGE: I thought you’d use the back.

ISAAC: Why wouldn’t I use the front door?

PAIGE: It’s blocked.

ISAAC: What’s blocking it?

PAIGE: We were getting rid of things and stopped caring.

ISAAC: So you left stuff blocking the door?

PAIGE: Come around back.

ISAAC: You can’t move the stuff?

PAIGE: There’s too much.

ISAAC: That’s a fire hazard Mom.

PAIGE: Oh, wouldn’t that be wonderful.

ISAAC: What?

PAIGE: Come around back.

ISAAC: I’m coming ’round back.

PAIGE: What?

ISAAC: I said –

PAIGE: Come around back.

ISAAC: I know.

PAIGE: (Running to the hallway and shouting down it.) MAAAAAAAAX, YOUR BROTHER IS FINALLY HERE FROM THE WAR!

(To ARNOLD, excited for ISAAC to see ARNOLD in his place, dressed like a clown.)

Arnie. Away from the door. Arnie. Arnie away from the door. Arnie. Arnold, sit in your chair. Your chair. Sit in your chair. Arnold! Get in your place for I.

PAIGE losses patience and moves ARNOLD to the chair.

ISAAC: (Opening the back door and entering.) Why’s the lawn so overgrown –

(Seeing the disaster that is the home.)

OOAH!

PAIGE: (Scared by ISAAC’s scream.) OOAH!

ISAAC: JESUS HELL!

PAIGE: (Laughing.) You scared me.

ISAAC: What happened?

PAIGE: Why did you yell like that?

ISAAC: It’s a fucking disaster in here.

PAIGE: Language.

ISAAC: What –

PAIGE: (To ISAAC.) Sit down.

ISAAC: (Meaning, answer me.) Mom!

PAIGE: (Excited to tell him.) Honey sit down, I have so much to tell you. Arnie, close the door.

ISAAC: (Seeing ARNOLD for the first time and freaking out.) OOAH!

PAIGE: (Another scared scream at his scream.) OOAH!

(Laughing.) You keep scaring me.

ISAAC: DAD?

PAIGE: (To ISAAC.) Isn’t it great. Arnie, close the door, you can see the heat in waves. Arnie, close the door. The air can’t fight the world. We’re cooling and heating the planet at the same time. Arnie, close the door. Arnie, close the door. The door. Close it. Close it. Close the door. Yes the door. Yes the door, the door. Close the door.

ISAAC: I got it –

PAIGE: (To ISAAC.) He will do it!

(To ARNOLD.) Arnie, close the door. Close the door. Arnold, close the door. Yes. The door. The door. Close the door. Close it. Close. Close. Close the door. Close the door. Close the door, close the door, close the door, close the door, close the door. Door. Door. Door. Close. Close door. Yes. Hand. Hand on knob. Hand on knob. Yes. Yes. Push. Push. Yes. YES. CLOSE THE DOOR!

ARNOLD closes the door. Pause.

ISAAC suddenly runs to the kitchen sink and pukes. PAIGE almost goes to him to help him but doesn’t know what to do.

ISAAC: Why are there dishes everywhere?

ARNOLD: (Going to turn the air-conditioning off.) It’s cold.

PAIGE: Don’t you turn off that air.

ISAAC: (To ARNOLD.) Why are you dressed like that?

ARNOLD: It’s cold.

PAIGE: (Calling down the hallway to MAX.) MAAAAAAAAX. GET IN HERE. YOUR BROTHER HAS FINALLY ARRIVED AND I WOULD RATHER NOT BE ANY LATER THAN WE’RE ALREADY GOING TO BE.

ARNOLD: (Holding his penis, which is a habit he has.) It’s cold.

PAIGE: Yes, we heard you Arnie.

ISAAC: Why is there air-conditioning?

PAIGE: I wanted it.

ISAAC: He’s shivering.

PAIGE: Of course he is. It’s freezing in here.

ISAAC: (Going to turn the air-conditioning off.) He hates air-conditioning.

PAIGE: Don’t you touch that air. That air goes off when I say it goes off.

(Excited to share this new information.) This is not a house of sweat anymore, Isaac.

(To ARNOLD,...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half-title Page
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Characters
• Acknowledgment
• Act One
• Act Two