Wind in the Willows

Kenneth Grahame, Glyn Maxwell

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2015
• ISBN:
  9781783199617
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Media & Performing Arts
• Subtopic: Theatre

'There's nothing – absolutely nothing – half so much worth doing as messing about in boats.'
A spot of spring cleaning on a sunny English riverbank – so begins the adventures of four beloved friends. Follow Mole, Ratty, Toad and Badger on their journey through riverside picnics, wild woods, jailbreaks, car chases and cross-dressing amphibians to save Toad Hall from disaster and get little Mole home. Will the foursome triumph? And will everybody learn their lessons? A delightful tale of camaraderie and joy. Poop poop!
A new adaptation of The Wind in the Willows, a classic children's novel notable for its mixture of mysticism, adventure, morality, and camaraderie and celebrated for its evocation of the nature of the River Banks.

ACT ONE

The BIRDS sing. MOLE emerges, covered in dust and whitewash
MOLE:	Oh bother, oh blow, oh hang spring-cleaning! I’m going to take a break, I’m going to get some fresh air, I’m going to – [Sniffs] oh! It’s summer. It’s not spring it’s summer. What a long time I’ve been down there… I’ve been keeping it very tidy! Mam and Dad said they won’t be long… Bird-song, oh, like a Christmas carol in summer, why not sing carols in summer? [Sniffs] and oh, small creatures are hereabouts, close by… Oh it’s not a day for cleaning. Perhaps it’s a day for nothing I expected. I’m going to have a – a – a day off! A – holiday! Well, here I go, I’d better, oh. What does one do on a Day Off? I don’t know. Perhaps I’ll look at all the creatures having a Day On… She’s busy doing her job: her job must be to sit there eating, she does it very well. And his job must be to be holding that drink for someone who’ll need it later. Mustn’t break his concentration. What funny jobs creatures have. Oh. I’ve been walking again. Home is this way, I’m sure, not that way, never go that way, I –
The roar of a Digger nearby! MOLE cowers till it stops
MOLE:	Oh my, oh my, they said they won’t be long…
She looks at the picture of her parents
MOLE:	Home is oh, home is where, was it this way? That way? The birds would tell me but they’ve flown away and something in the air doesn’t care any more!
Whispering in the bushes
MOLE:	What was that? Who’s there? Oh! Which way’s home, which way? Oh my, I’ve lost my way!
MOLE runs off. THREE STOATS – HOB, JILL and ERVIN – emerge from the bushes
HOB:	That was funny, she can’t see well!
JILL:	Cool! We can, she can’t, she just goes sniffsniffsniff…
ERVIN:	Guys, guys –
HOB:	She was scared of the big scary noise!
JILL:	She was! We weren’t! Sniffsniffsniff…
ERVIN:	Guys, guys, thing is, I was – a bit. No no no no listen I was just like a tiny bit scared of the big scary noise.
HOB:	/Ha ha ha! yeah I was.
JILL:	/Ha ha ha! a little bit yeah.
ERVIN:	What do you think it was, guys.
HOB/JILL:	Big./Scary.
HOB:	And noisy, like a – like a big scary noise.
ERVIN:	I wanna go home.
HOB:	No you don’t. Home’s all like parents.
ERVIN:	We’re s’posed to be at school.
HOB:	Ssshhh!
JILL:	School’s all like teachers.
ERVIN:	But they might know what the big scary noise was!
WEASEL emerges from the crowd
WEASEL:	Well I just might be able to help you there, lads…
HOB:	Who are you, mister?
JILL:	You ain’t one of us.
WEASEL:	Oh I think you’ll find we’re all one of us.
JILL/HOB:	Eh?/Wot?
ERVIN:	Mister, do you know what made the big scary noise?
WEASEL:	Know it? Why it’s a very good friend of mine. You can meet it if you like. Wouldn’t be so big and scary then, would it.
HOB:	We can – meet it?
WEASEL:	Well yes, if you join the Gang. Look, badges…
HOB:	I wanna join the Gang.
JILL:	I’m joining if you are!
ERVIN:	You tryin’ to leave me out of ...