Getting to the Foot of the Mountain

Lisa Evans

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2017
• Print ISBN: 9781840023046
• eBook ISBN: 9781786822000
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literatur
• Subtopic: Britisches Drama

When Danielle was a child, three women loomed large in her life: her gritty, responsible mother, her wild-child Aunt, and their best friend. Now a young woman herself and facing the break-up of another relationship, Danielle takes stock of her childhood years - of an absent dad; of her fascination with a neighbourhood "bad boy" - and uncovers a story of everyday heroism and the strange tricks that memory can play. A warm and witty play, Getting to the Foot of the Mountain premiered at the Birmingham Rep in May 2002.

ACT TWO

DANIELLE divides up books, putting one pile into an old kit bag.

DANIELLE: Striker says I don’t engage. I just stand on the sidelines of life. His metaphor not mine. Observing. But it’s what I do. Look, frame, focus, hold, shoot. And if you’re lucky you get something that’s bigger than the picture you took. And if you’re even luckier and someone’s paying you, you get Second Elevens and Stout Mayoral visits and dazed Centenarians clutching their telegrams. Oh it was definitely worth living all those years for this, wasn’t it Gran? Fuck off and give us a port and lemon. It’s what I do. Years of practice? Maybe. If I was someone different I’d restore vintage cars and in my spare time chase a ball around a wet field shouting Man On. And another one bites the dust. Packing up the past. I wish I felt sad, not just tired.

Scene 1

Summer 1988. Chronological order: Fourteen.

Phylly and KATH are circuit training in PHYLLY’s garden. DANIELLE has the stop watch and is overseeing them. KATH is hugely out of condition. She attempts sit-ups while PHYLLY does star jumps. DANIELLE has an old kit bag beside her.

PHYLLY: It’s probably in your attic.

KATH: How would it get there?

DANIELLE: Mum, if you can talk and do sit ups you’re not doing them right.

PHYLLY: Maybe you put it out with the rubbish by mistake.

(DANIELLE’s stop watch beeps.)

DANIELLE: Move to the next station.

KATH: I don’t throw things away by accident. I don’t throw things away at all if I can help it, least of all my mother’s ashes.

DANIELLE: Mum, move on.

KATH: I am not doing that. I draw the line at skipping.

DANIELLE: Skip that one and do press ups then.

KATH: You are joking.

DANIELLE: Look either you want to get fit or you don’t.

KATH: Actually I don’t particularly.

PHYLLY: I’ll do them with you.

KATH: How will that help?

PHYLLY: Competition?

(They start their press-ups. KATH is hopeless.)

DANIELLE: Put your hands under your shoulders.

PHYLLY: How’s your sponsorship going?

KATH: Quite a few customers have signed my list. None are paying up front though I’ve noticed.

DANIELLE: Come on, three and four.

KATH: Mo’s late.

PHYLLY: I wonder what made you think of her at this precise moment.

(KATH laughs and collapses.)

DANIELLE: Mum, you’re not trying.

KATH: She made me laugh.

DANIELLE: Where is Mo?

PHYLLY: Erm. Choir practice?

DANIELLE: No we arranged it so they wouldn’t clash.

PHYLLY: I expect she’ll be along later. Kath?

KATH: (Face down on the mat.) No. I can’t do this. I’m too old.

DANIELLE: You have to keep going.

(BRIAN enters with a box.)

Come on, just two more.

BRIAN: Don’t lift your hips. Keep your back straight. No no no. Like this. (Demonstrates with agility.) See? Can you see the difference?

KATH: I can see how easy you find it, Brian. But how does that help me exactly?

BRIAN: Watch Phylly then. Go on, do it again. Don’t drop your head. Better. She’s got the hang of it. Nearly.

KATH: Maybe you’d like to go instead of me?

BRIAN: Love to. Can’t afford the time. I leave the charity work to you girls. On the subject of which. Tracksuits.

(Opens the box he’s brought in and pulls out a brightly coloured tracksuit top with a large dayglow fish on the front and SUFERFISH emblazoned on the back.) What d’you think? Kath?

KATH: Very…colourful.

PHYLLY: I thought we were just going to have the logo sort of, on the shoulder. (Sketches a little box to show the size she’d anticipated.)

BRIAN: No point in advertising if you can’t see it.

KATH: Where from, the air?

BRIAN: Good point. Safety factor. Visibility.

KATH: Well, they won’t miss us in these.

(MO enters looking flushed.)

BRIAN: Try them on. Aha. The third musketeer. There you go.

MO: Thank you. What’s this? Sorry I’m late.

BRIAN: Are you limping?

MO: I pulled a muscle.

BRIAN: That won’t do. Not at this stage of the game. I’ll send you to my physio. She’ll sort you out.

KATH: I think that’s already been done.

BRIAN: Go on, try it on then.

MO: Right.

BRIAN: You got dressed in a hurry. Sweater’s on back to front.

KATH: (Muttering as she gets into the hideous tracksuit.) I’m not wearing this.

PHYLLY: Humour him. He’s paying.

KATH: You humour him. He’s your husband.

PHYLLY: It was part of the deal.

KATH: Not mine.

PHYLLY: He gets to advertise.

KATH: And we get to look like Koi Carp with bosoms. Terrific.

(DANIELLE is trying to hide her amusement.)

BRIAN: There’s one for you too Danielle, as their ‘coach’.

Wouldn’t want you to feel left out.

DANIELLE: Thanks Brian.

BRIAN: If I were you I’d try it on.

PHYLLY: (Warning KATH.) Don’t say one word.

DANIELLE: I’m sure it’ll be fine.

BRIAN: I’ll put it in your bag then. Otherwise you’ll go off without it. I know you. Leave it lying around, some people will nick anything.

MO: They’d have to be bloody desperate to steal these.

DANIELLE: (Grabbing the track suit from BRIAN.) No. It’s all right. I’ll do it.

PHYLLY: Pulled a muscle eh?

MO: Getting out the car.

KATH: You did it in the car?

MO: No. I was outside his place getting my bag out the boot and suddenly it went. Of course I had to pretend nothing was the matter.

PHYLLY: Why?

MO: I couldn’t exactly limp into the love nest could I?

PHYLLY: How was it?

MO: Typical bachelor’s room – not unlike my Steven’s.

PHYLLY: Not the décor. It.

MO: Well I think he was happy cos I kept shouting with what he thought was pleasure. I didn’t let on it was actually shooti...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Half-Title Page
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• ACT ONE
• ACT TWO