England

Tim Crouch

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2012
• Print ISBN: 9781840027990
• eBook ISBN: 9781849435673
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

"The patients like to look at the paintings. It helps them to feel better about their illnesses." The grateful recipient of a heart transplant travels 4000 miles to thank the widow of the donor and to present her with a very special gift. But much more than a life has been lost. Written and performed in art galleries, England tells a compelling story for our times - a disturbing tale of transactions and translations, of culture and commerce, of one thing being placed inside another without thought for the consequences. Presented by two guides, it is a tour to the end of the world. England was first performed at the Fruitmarket Gallery, Edinburgh, in August 2007.

Act One

Dabbing

A room in an art gallery (in this case, the Fruitmarket Gallery in Edinburgh) containing an exhibition of artwork (in this case, by Alex Hartley).

Two actors as guides – one male and one female.

Until the guides begin to speak, the only focus for the audience is the exhibition of artwork.

Thank you.

Thanks very much.

Thanks.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you.

If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here.

You saved my life!

Welcome to the Fruitmarket Gallery here in Edinburgh.

World class contemporary art at the heart of the city.

(We’ll be here for around twenty-five minutes and then we’ll go to another room.

Where we can sit down.)

As the name suggests, the building we are in was built as a fruit and vegetable market in 1938.

The Scottish Arts Council converted the market into a visual arts space in 1974.

This is the space we’re in now.

Look.

It’s beautiful.

Thank you Scottish Arts Council. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be here.

You saved our lives!!

The Fruitmarket doesn’t only exhibit work by Scottish artists, but also work by artists from all around the world – Chinese, Danish, German, Australian, Japanese, Italian, French, Russian, Canadian, Israeli, Icelandic, Dutch, Portuguese.

And, of course, American.

This current exhibition is of work by an artist called Alex Hartley.

Alex is English.

I hope you will make time while you’re in Edinburgh to get to know Alex’s work.

Please don’t touch anything.

I’m also English.

My boyfriend is American.

But he’s actually Dutch.

No one in America is really American!

My boyfriend has three passports.

He calls me kiddo.

‘Hey kiddo!’

Hoe doet u, kiddo?

Ik ben zeer goed, dank u!

My boyfriend can speak four different languages. He’s a citizen of the world!

I have no languages.

Everyone speaks English!

A sound starts. There is an underscoring from now to the end of act one – drifting in and out, building towards the end.

We live in London.

We love London!

We love London!

It’s such a great place to live.

The city is dynamic and progressive. But it’s so expensive. I couldn’t afford to live here if it wasn’t for my boyfriend.

My boyfriend buys and sells art for other people. He tells them what to buy – what’s up and what’s down. He travels the world. He’s never been to the Fruitmarket Gallery. He’d love it if he came here.

He’d think it was fantastic. He’d love all these clean lines.

My boyfriend and I have been together for eight years.

Which is pretty fantastic, too!

He saved my life.

If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be here.

Look!

Look!

Here you can see me in the night.

Here you can see me leaning.

Here you can see me in the early morning.

Look. I’ve been sleeping on the sofa.

Look.

Look!

This is the view out there.

Look at the sun from the windows.

Look how the reflections from the buildings around us convey a sense of depth.

Look! My skin is damp with sweat.

Look!

I’ve left a stain on the fabric of the sofa!

My boyfriend’s about to go to an art fair in Munich. He says it’s like a yard sale. He’s looking for Gothic woodcuts.

He has a client in Pennsylvania who is building a Bavarian Schloss.

A castle outside Pittsburgh!

Look.

Look!

Here he is giving me a glass of water.

Here he is saying to me that I should have woken him.

‘Take a day off!’ he’s saying.

His skin is smooth.

He’s going to Munich!

Munich is a thousand miles away.

I’m curled up on the sofa.

Look.

I’m so small.

Something’s wrong.

Something’s wrong with me.

The tone of the sound changes.

This is where we live, my boyfriend and me.

We live in Southwark. / Here.

/ We live in a converted jam factory / in Southwark.

/ Here, in Southwark. In / London.

/ In England.

We have a duplex.

We have white walls.

It’s like heaven here!

Here.

Here.

We don’t have much here, but what we have is pretty amazing.

We have a Marcus Taylor on the wall. He’s a favourite of ours. His colours are amazing.

My boyfriend believes that art shouldn’t just be in galleries. / It belongs in people’s everyday lives.

/ Art is for all!

He’s not a collector. He just gets what he likes.

We have a Gregory Crewdson and a small Gary Hume.

We have a Marc Quinn and a Tacita Dean.

In the other room, seriously, we have a small Willem de Kooning. / Seriously.

/ Seriously. It’s not a joke.

Nobody ...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Act One
• Act Two