The Holy Rosenbergs

Ryan Craig

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2012
• Print ISBN: 9781849430425
• eBook ISBN: 9781849436007
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

As big-hearted patriarch David clings to a deal that could save both his ailing catering firm and his cherished standing in the Edgware Jewish community, his children are at loggerheads. "You must have heard him banging on about the long line of Rosenbergs, stretching back to the Bible. He reckons some ancient relative catered the Last Supper." While eldest son Danny fights for the Israelis in Gaza, his sister investigates war crimes in the same conflict. Their brother drinks and brawls and refuses to join their father's business. But when tragedy strikes, each family member is forced to confont head-on the clash between individual identity and the demands and expectations of community. The Holy Rosenbergs explores tribal loyalties, the culpability of family and the consequences of standing up for what you believe to be right.

ACT TWO

DAVID, LESLEY and RUTH are sitting at the table at the end of the main course. SAUL MORGANSTERN is also there. He is an impressive man, the same age as DAVID, but emboldened rather than crumpled by life. He exudes success and eminence and dresses well. DAVID is in the middle of a story, LESLEY is rolling her eyes at RUTH, and SAUL eats, slowly, the last to finish his meal.

DAVID: …so every morning, this is without fail this is; every morning I go up the street to the newsagent. Feller on the corner. Same time every morning. Six on the dot, don’t I Les?

LESLEY: Yes my sweet. Every morning.

SAUL: It’s good to be up early. Bracing.

DAVID: And I buy my paper.

LESLEY: Little drop more wine Saul?

SAUL: No thanks. This is a serious piece of fish Lesley.

LESLEY: Glad you like it Saul.

SAUL: I can’t get over it.

DAVID: Stoke Newington. I got a man down there.

SAUL: You must give me his details.

DAVID: Anyway, where was I? Oh yes…

LESLEY: Another napkin Saul?

SAUL: I’ve hardly used this one.

DAVID: We could do you a finger bowl.

SAUL: Oh no please…

DAVID: Les love stick a bit of lemon in a watery bowl for Saul.

SAUL: Please, really, that’s not at all necessary.

LESLEY: It’s no trouble.

LESLEY exits.

DAVID: Anyway he’s always opening up shop just as I’m on the approach.

SAUL: Who’s this?

DAVID: The newsagent. By this time it’s what…six thirty… quarter to…

SAUL: Once you’ve showered and shaved…

DAVID: …and had a cup of tea…

RUTH: Black and sweet.

SAUL: I’m sorry?

RUTH: Just the way he likes it.

There’s an awkward vibe between RUTH and SAUL. She knows it. DAVID ploughs on.

DAVID: Anyway he’s got one of those beards, you know, with no moustache bit. Nothing on the upper lip. Muslim as you like.

RUTH: Oh Dad.

SAUL: Where’s he from?

DAVID: Get this. Waziristan.

LESLEY comes back with a bowl of water with a lemon in it.

SAUL: Waziristan? That’s Pakistan/Afghan borders, right?

LESLEY: Fantastic. We’ve got a Taliban stronghold at the end of the street. Here you go Saul. Bowl of water with a slice of lemon for you.

SAUL: You really didn’t have to…

DAVID: Anyway all I know is every morning we have the same chat. You know what it’s about? The weather.

SAUL: The weather, eh?

LESLEY: Yeah. When those two get together it’s like the G20 summit.

DAVID: My point is I’m an Ashkenazi Jew of Middle European descent and he’s a Waziristani Muslim. There’s not an iota of Anglo-Saxon blood flowing through our veins and yet there we are obsessing about the weather. What could be more English?

SAUL: I’m not quite sure I follow your argument.

LESLEY: You think he does?

DAVID: We’re respecting each other’s Emotional Borders. Debating the finer points of the Great British climate is just window dressing…covering deeper, more serious matters that it would be uncivilised to discuss openly. D’you see what I mean?

RUTH: Is Dad in therapy or something?

LESLEY: I much know. You think he tells me?

DAVID: We don’t always stay on the weather, sometimes we’ll gas about the footie.

SAUL: Ah! Now we’re talking. I bet you’re an Arsenal man.

DAVID: Me? You’re joking.

LESLEY: He’s seen two matches in his whole life, and they were both at Barnet.

DAVID: So what? I support the local side.

SAUL: I’m a Chelsea man myself. I like their ambition.

RUTH: Dad fakes the football chat. He told me how he does it.

DAVID: Thank you Ruth…she’s taking the mick.

RUTH: He just feigns outrage and resignation in equal measure.

SAUL: Does it work?

DAVID: I don’t know why she’s saying that.

LESLEY: She’s saying it because it’s true. You all right there Saul, need any more of anything?

SAUL: No. It’s all fabulous. These potatoes are stunning.

DAVID: He’s right, you did them potatoes perfect love.

LESLEY: Ruth helped. Didn’t you Ruth?

SAUL: (Ignoring that.) Well. It’s all terrific. All of it.

LESLEY: And the blinis? They came out lovely, don’t you think Saul?

RUTH: (Under her breath.) That’s a leading question.

SAUL: Very good. It’s all supreme.

LESLEY: Cos we’ll be serving blinis at the reception.

SAUL: (Looks down.) Right. Well…

DAVID: People always love the blinis. They go like hot cakes.

RUTH: Isn’t that literally what they are?

LESLEY: Did you try those new mini-burgers Saul? They’re always very popular.

SAUL: I don’t think so.

DAVID: Caroline wasn’t so keen. Thought they were unsophisticated.

LESLEY: Oh.

DAVID: She wants a right high calibre affair that one.

RUTH: Good for Caroline.

SAUL: Are those new columns you’ve got out there?

DAVID: Sorry?

SAUL: Out on the porch. The Roman Columns, are they new?

DAVID: As a matter of fact they are.

RUTH: Dad built them himself.

LESLEY: But I heard she loved the goujons.

SAUL: I’m sorry?

LESLEY: The goujons. I heard Caroline was beside herself about the goujons, no?

SAUL: Oh. Yes. I don’t know. Maybe…

SAUL takes another bite. LESLEY looks at DAVID. SAUL puts his knife and fork down. Something is weighing on his mind. LESLEY senses the awkwardness.

LESLEY: Finished your food, Saul?

SAUL: Yes. Thanks.

LESLEY: You sure?

SAUL: Quite sure. Thanks.

LESLEY stands and starts to clear the plates. RUTH helps.

LESLEY: Sure you don’t want more of anything?

SAUL: More? I’m like a stuffed sofa.

DAVID: You wait ‘til you taste my macaroons, you’ll go into shock.

SAUL: Oh I don’t think I’ve got the space…

RU...

Table of contents

• Front cover
• Half-title Page
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Characters
• Act One
• Act Two