eBook - ePub
Eisteddfod
About this book
We value truth in this family. Carpe Diem. Seize the day. We're all just food for worms. So tell them you love them. Have fun, mount a donkey, whatever, just feel alive. Charades is fun, right, with those people, yes, your family, the ones you try to get away from at Christmas. For the Pilgrims though it's not simply a family affair, this is more than a game, thisā¦. Is an Eisteddfod. This bawdy new play from acclaimed young playwright Luke Barnes, is inspired by Suffolk folklore and explores the idea of family and identity, stories and how they are told.
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Yes, you can access Eisteddfod by Luke Barnes in PDF and/or ePUB format, as well as other popular books in Literature & British Drama. We have over one million books available in our catalogue for you to explore.
Information
A clearing in the woodsā¦ After a while a rumbling is heard in the distance, as the noise grows louder a clapped-out VW camper van drives into the space playing loud music. It stops and JON and SARAH leap out of the front and both find suitable places to piss.
JON: Fucking hell.
SARAH: Donāt have to make that noise do ya Jon.
JON: Thatās an hour and a halfās worth of Fanta being held hostage in my shaft escaping little sister, itās going to make a sound.
SARAH: Jon.
JON: What?
SARAH: Can anyone see me?
JON: Weāre in the middle of a fucking wood no oneās going to see you.
SARAH: You got any bog roll?
JON: Why would I have the bog roll?
JON shakes himself dry, no need for bog roll for JON.
SARAH: Thought you might of have packed some for emergencies.
JON: Weāre only going to be here for an hour before we set off for Blue Dale arenāt we. You know the drill. Here for an hour. Bit of rehearsal. Bit of a party. Then off to Blue Dale to reign supreme in the Suffolk County Eisteddfod. Providing paper for massive shits in the wood wasnāt in my planning.
SARAH: Check the van.
JON: Weāre going to a fucking Eisteddfod Sarah itās not fucking Glastonbury.
JON looks in the camper van.
JON: (Poking her head out and moving behind the camper van.) Weāve only got this.
SARAH: Pass it here.
JON hands SARAH the newspaper who does her business with it.
SARAH: Got a little paper cut.
SARAH goes in the camper van to put her fatherās paper back, she accidently wakes him up.
SARAH: Fuck. Sorry Dad.
BEN: (From inside.) What are you doing?
SARAH: (From inside.) Was just looking for something.
BEN: (From inside.) What you looking for?
SARAH: (From inside.) Go back to sleep.
BEN: (From inside.) Wake me in twenty minutes.
SARAH: (From inside.) We can start now if youāre up for it. Have a look at ours.
BEN: (From inside.) Five minutes.
SARAH: (From inside.) Thought so.
BEN: (From inside.) Yeah.
SARAH: (From inside.) Do you want a hot water bottle?
BEN: (From inside.) No thanks.
SARAH climbs out of the camper van.
JON: OK Sarah promise time.
SARAH: What is it?
JON: We are going to make this the best birthday Dad has ever had. We are going to smash our song at the Eisteddfod and we are going to give Dad something to fucking remember. Alright?
SARAH: Alright.
JON: Deal?
SARAH: Deal.
JON: Great. Feel like Iām a kid again being here. Feel like I wanna just likeā¦climb shit.
SARAH: Donāt touch that mate itāll be full of spiders.
JON: Fuck off where?
SARAH: Weāre in the woods, full of spiders.
JON: Fuck that then.
SARAH: Iām glad you sorted this out Jon, Dad will bum it.
JON: Dunno how many heās got left do ya.
SARAH: Ano.
JON: He wanted us all to bring dates but I said no.
SARAH: Why?
JON: Because Jess couldnāt come and you donāt have a boyfriend.
SARAH: Iām meeting people Jon.
JON: Not sure a quick fumble behind the sports hall after your GCSEs counts as meeting people mate.
SARAH: Shut up just because you were out trying to put your thingy in anything that moved in High School.
JON: Banter.
SARAH: Shut up.
JON: Donāt think I was doing that until about year 8.
SARAH: You met Jess in year 8?
JON: Started young.
SARAH: I know I remember hearing it and not knowing what it was. Remember going into Mumās bedroom and telling her you were killing her.
JON: You didnāt!
SARAH: I did!
JON: Thatās mad.
SARAH: You were too young to be doing that.
JON: Wasnāt that young. When did you start?
SARAH: Iām not talking about stuff like that with you.
JON: Why not?
SARAH: Itās weird talking about stuff like that with your brother.
JON: Weāre old enough now. When did you start?
SARAH: ā¦
JON: Are youā¦
SARAH: Am I what?
JON: Yanoā¦
SARAH: You can be such a prick sometimes you know that donāt ya?
JON: Runs in the family. I want to play games. Fucking best years of my life here yano, playing rounders and that, eating like fucking sausages. That shit doesnāt happen anymore mate, nowadays Iām lucky to get a chicken sandwich if itās reduced in Tescoās. Wanna get started on the surprise?
SARAH: Yeah. Letās do it.
They get out bunting, some HAPPY BIRTHDAY signs, and the PILGRIM FAMILY banner, brimming with tradition. Thereās al...
Table of contents
- Front Cover
- Title Page
- Dedication
- Copyright
- Contents
- Characters
- Chapter 1