Monkey!

Colin Teevan

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2012
• ISBN:
  9781849436304
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

The tale of the roguish Monkey and his exploits on a fabulous journey to India is one of the most popular classics in Asian literature. Monkey has been imprisoned in a mountain because of the chaos he has wrought in heaven. To be redeemed, he must guide the Buddhist monk Tripitaka from China, through the Himalayas, on a mystical quest in search of sacred scriptures. Helped by two friends, Pigsy and Sandy, he encounters demons, spirits, dragons and gods on a riotous road trip to enlightenment. With its mix of energetic kung-fu action, mischievous hero and cast of fantastically colourful characters Monkey! is sure to leave audiences as thrilled and delighted as last year's sell-out success The Three Musketeers. Monkey! is an adventure to enchant everyone aged seven and above.

ACT ONE

An empty stage.

BUDDHA: In the beginning there was nothing
And nothing was everything;
The heavens, the air, the earth, the oceans and the underworld
Were nowhere and everywhere;
For real form is that form which has no form
And Buddha’s whole world is but a grain of sand
Where true fullness is emptiness.
But the earth, being restless as it is,
Coupled with the heavens, and they made an egg,
And out of this egg was born a monkey.
And this monkey was a special monkey
Because he was the first monkey of all monkeys:
Sun Wu-k’ung; the monkey of the mind.
And he was irrepressible.

MONKEY is born.

MONKEY: It’s time to play.

In a furious fight, MONKEY defeats a myriad demons and monsters.

I am Monkey, the Handsome Monkey King and I shall live forever.

YAMA KING OF DEATH is revealed.

Who are you?

YAMA: I am Yama King of Death.

MONKEY: What do you want?

YAMA: Your number. It has come up.

MONKEY: And which number would that be?

YAMA: Soul number 1350. Here it is in my Book of Death.
You are, or should I say were, Sun Wu-k’ung the Handsome Monkey King?

MONKEY: That is my name but it’s not worn out yet.
May I see your book?

YAMA: Certainly.

YAMA passes book. MONKEY looks at the book and erases his name.

MONKEY: There.

YAMA: You’ve rubbed out your number, you’ve rubbed out the numbers of all your monkey friends, you outrageous orang-utan.

MONKEY: Now I shall live forever. So if you’ll excuse me, Yama King of Death, I must return to Flower-fruit Mountain to have a rumpus.

YAMA: You can’t do that. You can’t treat death in this way.
It’s not right. It’s not respectful. What would happen if everyone treated death in this way? What would happen if everyone lived forever? The Great Wheel would stop turning, there would be an end to enlightenment.

MONKEY: Enlightenment? What’s enlightenment?

YAMA: I’ll show you enlightenment you ignorant ape.

MONKEY: Looks like he wants to play!

They fight. MONKEY tricks YAMA.

I am Monkey, the Handsome Monkey King. I am the equal of heaven.

MONKEY escapes.

YAMA: Equal of heaven? I’ll give you heaven. I’ll go to the Jade Emperor of the Eastern Heaven.

The Eastern Heaven. YAMA, the JADE EMPEROR and the SPIRIT OF THE PLANET VENUS have tea.

JADE EMPEROR: Equal of heaven? My equal?

YAMA: I demand you punish him, or I shall have to take matters into my own hands.

JADE EMPEROR: Enough, enough. I have heard enough of this monkey. What is that awful rumpus?

ALL: The monkey.

JADE EMPEROR: This monkey goes too far. First he breaks the rules of life and death, then he disturbs me at my afternoon green tea time. It is quite insupportable. I shall have him spanked until his bottom is quite red.

SPIRIT OF THE PLANET VENUS: His bottom is quite red, Your Jadeness, he is a monkey.

JADE EMPEROR: Well then, how do you suggest I punish him, Spirit of the Planet Venus?

SPIRIT OF THE PLANET VENUS: He knows the secrets of the seventy-two transformations. He knows the mystic arts of the cloud trapeze, besides, he has a very big stick. Perhaps you would demonstrate your great benevolence as well as your superior wisdom, not by punishing him, but by indulging him. Give him some worthless position in heaven and let him call himself what he wants. For he is a proud monkey and will think it a great honour. He will be too busy strutting about, feeling important, to realise that his position is quite meaningless.

JADE EMPEROR: Perhaps you are right, Spirit of the Planet Venus. I don’t care what he calls himself, so long as he calls himself it quietly.

YAMA: But I demand you punish him.

JADE EMPEROR: Enough. You have made my tea quite cold with your complaining. This so-called Monkey King, Equal of Heaven can look after my Peach Garden. Is not to make him a fruit farmer punishment enough?

YAMA: Of course, Jade Emperor, let him be a fruit farmer for the time being. But I’ll get him in the end. He will not make a monkey of Yama King of Death.

A heavenly peach garden.

SPIRIT OF THE PLANET VENUS: So that concludes the tour of the Peach garden. Now, there is one thing you must remember.

MONKEY: Must remember. Must remember. Yes?

SPIRIT OF THE PLANET VENUS: These are the Emperor’s peaches. The peaches of eternal life. Each peach helps you live 9000 years. But if anyone is caught stealing them, they will receive a punishment worse than death.

MONKEY: Worse than death? That is bad.

SPIRIT OF THE PLANET VENUS: It’s worse than bad.
So, whatever you do, don’t eat the peaches. Repeat after me: Don’t eat the peaches.

MONKEY: Don’t eat the peaches.

SPIRIT OF THE PLANET VENUS: Now, carry on with your duties.

MONKEY: Yes, my duties.

Exit SPIRIT OF THE PLANET VENUS.

Heaven at last. And my very own peach garden. (Pause.) Ahh! (Pause.) But what are my duties? What are you meant to do in heaven all day? (Pause.) It’s ever so nice, but ever so boring. Now what’s this that the Spirit of the Planet Venus said? That’s it, the peaches. (Pause.) Don’t eat them or do eat them? Of course, of course, silly old Monkey. (To himself.) Don’t eat the peaches, don’t eat the peaches, don’t… (Mesmerised.) Live nine thousand years? Don’t… eat the peaches, eat the peaches, must eat the peaches. The Jade Emperor wouldn’t notice if I took one of his peaches, would he? No, of course not. (Eats.) Mmmm… After all, there are so many peaches and I… Mmmmm… So nice, I’ll just have one more and… perhaps just one last…

MONKEY eats five peaches. Enter the JADE EMPEROR and the SPIRIT OF THE PLANET VENUS.

JADE EMPEROR: Where is the Master of the Peach Garden? There is to be a heavenly peach festival today and I see no peaches on my peach trees. Where is that damned monkey?

SPIRIT OF THE PLANET VENUS: There he is, Your Jadeness.

JADE EMPEROR: There he is indeed, but where are my peaches? Answer me that you treacherous chimp.

MONKEY spits five peach stones at the JADE EMPEROR.

SPIRIT OF THE PLANET VENUS: Perhaps this is a job for your nephew, Master of Illustrious Sagacity Erh-lang, who with his two bladed lance mauled the marauding monsters from the Mud Cake River. He will know how to deal with this malfeasant monkey. He lives in retirement as a humble fisherman in the Kuan Province.

JADE EMPEROR: Better still, Spirit of the Planet Venus: call for my nephew, Master of Illustrious Sagacity Erh-lang.

Flower-fruit Mountain.

ERH-LANG: Sun Wu-k’ung you old monkey, you want to come and play?

M...