Money

The Gameshow

Clare Duffy

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2013
• Print ISBN: 9781849435055
• eBook ISBN: 9781849436502
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Performance Art
• Index: Literature

Casino and Queenie used to be hedge fund managers. Before the financial crisis of 2008, that is. Now, in an inspired – or desperate – career move, they've turned to performance art to share their stories of how to make (and lose) billions from economic downturn. Playing with £10, 000 in real pound coins, you are invited to bet long, short and hedge, as Casino and Queenie guide you through a series of high-stake games that show how the world's economic system came to the precipice of total collapse. MONEY the game show takes a playful and politically sharp look at the roots of the 2008 financial crisis and its ongoing impact, as well as tackling some bigger questions: What is money? What is it worth? And what happens if we stop believing in it?

1.

QUEENIE and CASINO meet the audience in the front of house. The title here might be displayed as a simple poster/sign.
QUEENIE:	Hello. Welcome to our show. I’m Queenie and this is Casino.
CASINO:	We’re hedge fund managers.
QUEENIE:	We were hedge fund managers. After the financial crisis in 2008 we decided to become performance artists!
CASINO:	In 2010 we applied to The Arches,
QUEENIE:	Which is a theatre in Glasgow,
CASINO:	For their new directors’ award.
QUEENIE:	We won.
CASINO:	We love to win.
QUEENIE:	We won…6000 whole pounds! To make a show.
CASINO:	In 2011 we put all that money on stage in £1 coins.
	And did what we do best. We played Money.
QUEENIE:	It’s a game.
CASINO:	And a show.
QUEENIE:	You may have noticed that it’s now 2013.
CASINO:	It’s (date). And we’re now here in (place).
QUEENIE:	Thanks to a friendly take-over by joint investors Unlimited Theatre and The Bush.
CASINO:	We’ve got a bigger and therefore better principle on stage. Yes. Ladies and Gentlemen 66.3 recurring% more…we’ve got 10,000 pounds to play!
QUEENIE:	Woooo!
CASINO:	(To her.) Are you going to do that a lot?
QUEENIE:	No. Just a one-time thing. Breaks the ice.
CASINO:	OK. This is our play on the value of money. Based on our lives.
QUEENIE:	Which for legal reasons are completely fictionalised.
CASINO:	If you have an even number on your ticket you’re my clients.
QUEENIE:	And if you’re odd you’re in my team. Come on.
BOTH:	Let’s make money!

2.

The title sign is flipped over so that we see the title for the next section.
We move at speed from front of house, outside the theatre, to enter the auditorium through back stage areas, pausing to gamble (heads and tails) on the way.
	This is a pound coin. This is a Scottish one. Look. Inscribed is the great Scottish motto. Nemo me impune lacassit which means ‘no one provokes me with immunity’ or ‘Are you messing with me?!!!’ That’s brilliant isn’t it?!
	Heads or tails? Go on. If you win you can keep it. You’ve got nothing to lose. Heads or tails?
(Audience response.)
	With this coin you can buy something that costs £1. Like…2 pints of milk. Perhaps tomorrow it’ll be 1.5 pints of milk. But I wouldn’t put any money on it. Course not. Prices don’t go up that quick do they? Not here. Not in London. (Or the name of the place the show is in.) This currency was created in 1971, £1 then would buy you £11 pounds’ worth of goods and services today. So having one of these (Shows the pound coin.) now, would be more or less, like having one of these (Shows a ten pound note.) then.
	What else can you buy with a £1? 1.6 Curlywurlies? Three little, plastic airport security bags, for your gels and liquids? Half a Big Issue? Here and now, London 2013… food prices are going up, but in Argentina in 1989 inflation was so rampant they said you were best to buy your meal before you ate it, because it would cost twice as much by the time you finished it.
	Being a hedge fund manager is all about being really really good at gambling. I love gambling because it reminds me that money isn’t as ‘real’ as it seems. Money is a game. A great game! Intimately, heart poundingly, hand in hand with life and death, skin and bone, war and peace. But still a game!
Flip coin…win/lose…pay out. Enjoy it.
	Come on!
Lead the audience on again, then stop and lean against the wall as if to smell the air.
	Look! (Takes another pound coin out of pocket.) On this coin it is written: Decus et Tutamen. It’s the motto for the Essex artillery regiment. Latin, from a poem about a Greek wanderer and it describes a prize of armour. Usual translation, ‘shield...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Half-title Page
• Writer’s Acknowledgements
• Writer’s Note
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Characters
• Section 1
• Section 2
• Section 3
• Section 4
• Section 5
• Section 6
• Section 7
• Section 8
• Section 9
• Section 10
• Section 11
• Section 12
• Section 13
• Section 14
• Section 15
• Section 16
• Epilogue