Richard Bean: Plays One

Richard Bean

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2005
• Print ISBN: 9781840025699
• eBook ISBN: 9781849436533
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Littérature
• Subtopic: Arts du spectacle

Includes the plays The Mentalists, Under the Whaleback and The God Botherers "The Mentalists confirms Richard Bean as a writer of beguilling originality with a gift for both laugh-out-loud dialogue and a sympathetic understanding of the darker recesses of the human heart" - Charles Spencer, Daily Telegraph on The Mentalists "An instant modern classic" - Kate Bassett, The Guardian on Under the Whaleback "Richard Bean must have had a hell of a life" - Michael Billington, The Guardian on The God Botherers

Richard Bean

UNDER THE WHALEBACK

Set

The crew’s quarters in the forecastle, under the whaleback of a 1950s-built 800-ton sidewinder trawler. Eight bunks are arranged on two tiers, stage left being the starboard side and stage right the port side. The bunks are made of varnished plywood. Each has a curtain which can be drawn across. Centre stage is a table fixed to the floor and around it, and again fixed and built in, are upholstered benches. There are telltale differences for each ship but the basic structure is the same.

Characters

The Kingston Jet

CASSIDY

a deckhand, aged fifty-five

DARREL

a deckie learner aged seventeen

The James Joyce

DARREL

a deckhand, aged twenty-four

NORMAN

a deckhand, aged twenty-eight

ROC

a deckhand, aged thirty-one

BAGNALL

the third hand, aged thirty-six

BILL

a deckhand, aged fifty-five

The Arctic Kestrel

DARREL

fifty-four

(to be played by Cassidy from Act One)

PAT

twenty-nine

(to be played by Norman from Act Two)

ELLY

nine

Contents

The Kingston Jet

The James Joyce

The Arctic Kestrel

Distant Water Trawling Glossary

Under the Whaleback was first performed at the Royal Court Theatre Upstairs on 10 April 2003, with the following cast:

The Kingston Jet

DARREL, Iain McKee

CASSIDY, Alan Williams

The James Joyce

DARREL, Iain McKee

NORMAN, Matthew Dunster

ROC, Richard Stacey

BAGNALL, Ian Mercer

BILL, Sam Kelly

The Arctic Kestrel

DARREL, Alan Williams

PAT, Matthew Dunster

ELLY, Sophie Bleasdale

Director, Richard Wilson

Designer, Julian McGowan

Lighting Designer, Johanna Town

Sound Designer, Gareth Fry

Casting, Lisa Makin

The Kingston Jet

1965. The forecastle of the Kingston Jet. On the bulwark is a large black and white centrefold pin-up. The ship is in dock and there is a slight list to port. The sound of a ship’s horn off. A different ship’s horn replies, long and mournful, a different note. A third horn, very deep, joins in. Pause. The first horn sounds again in two short blasts. The second horn sounds in one short blast. Pause. The third horn sounds deep, long, and mournful. Voices off.

CASSIDY: (Off.) Eh Ray! Where we going?! Where yer tekking us this time yer shitehawk?!

RAY: (Off.) Mind yer own fucking business Cassidy!

CASSIDY: (Off.) Godshaven! Greenland! Get mesen a nice little tight arsed Eskimo. Show this lad the northern lights! Ha, ha!

RAY (Off.) Where’s that dog of yours?

CASSIDY: (Off.) She’s not coming this trip.

RAY: (Off.) No dog?!

CASSIDY: (Off.) No dog! No fucking wuff, wuff, wuff!

RAY: (Off.) Get yersen under that whaleback Cass, yer pissed.

CASSIDY: (Off.) Gerroff me Ray!

RAY: (Off.) Alright! Eh, Snacker, give him hand down that companionway.

(CASSIDY falls down the companionway with a crash.)

(Off.) You alright Cass!

CASSIDY (Off.) Yeah! I’m dead!

DARREL: (Off.) He’s alright sir.

(Enter CASSIDY holding a tube design kit bag, sea boots, and a mattress. He is a 55 year old man. He wears a suit and a lemon coloured shirt, the collar of which is over the lapels of his jacket. The shirt and cuffs are covered in blood. He is drunk.)

CASSIDY Dead! And gone to a better place. Ha, ha!

(Enter DARREL. He is 17 and dressed in the fashions of the day. He has the same gear as CASSIDY, but his is brand new.)

DARREL: ’Ave you hurt yersen?

CASSIDY: Banged me fucking head dint I.

DARREL: You’re bleeding.

CASSIDY: Aye! Look son, you can call me dad. Father and son. Wa, they’ll all tek the piss, but let them I say, you can’t break the bond of blood, blood is thicker than water. Call me ‘dad’. And I’ll call you – ‘son’. Don’t call me daddy.

DARREL: I’d prefer Darrel, or Daz. Me mates call me Daz.

CASSIDY: Blood! Blood’s different. I’ll call you son. And I’ll learn yer all I know about fishing. Distant water. Right, for starters, them stairs out there, them int stairs, alright? – that’s fishing for yer, and ships, everything’s gorra different name. ‘Companionway.’ Remember it by thinking of yer ‘companions’ using it as the ‘way’ – down or up. Now, the right way to come down a companionway is facing the steps with yer toes in the gaps.

(He mimes it.)

If yer try and come down facing forrard, forward, forrard, yeah? Yer wimme?

DARREL: Forrard.

CASSIDY – you’ll likely as not go arse over tit.

DARREL: Like you did.

CASSIDY: Brilliant! That’s my boy. Two. If yer carrying owt, carry it in one hand only, and leave one hand to hang on with. ‘One hand for you, and one hand for the ship.’

DARREL: ‘One hand for you, and one for the ship.’

CASSIDY: Oh lovely, you’re getting the hang of it now.

(CASSIDY takes a bottle of beer from his kit bag.)

Next! This ship right, it’s a fucking shit ship, alright? It’s like a Grimsby ship. Shit.

(He puts the bottle of beer on the table and it rolls to port, stage right.)

It’s gorra list.

(He opens the bottle and drinks.)

Here we are in Hull, in dock, a thousand miles from the Arctic and we already gorra fucking list.

(He takes a second bottle from his bag and hands it to DARREL.)

Here, have a go.

(DARREL puts the bottle on the table – it rolls to port.)

That is a list to port. That’s port, over there, and that’s starboard. That’s forrard, and that’s aft.

DARREL: (Pointing.) Port, starboard, forrard, aft.

(CASSIDY goes towards him and hugs him.)

CASSIDY: Oh my son, my son! Ha, ha! I knew it! You got the salt in yer blood. You gorra be born to this you know. It’s the worst fucking job in the world and only those what is born to it, what has gorrit in the blood, can do it. It’s a terrible, terrible hard life and no-one should ever ask a man to go through what we have to go through but, you know –

(He burps.)

– someone’s gorra do it.

(CASSIDY opens the second bottle and hands it to DARREL.)

DARREL: Are we allowed to drink?

CASSIDY: No! Definitely not! Very dangerous. No spirituous liquor allowed on board.

(CASSIDY drinks. DARREL drinks.)

Or swearing. Merchant Shipping Act of 1894.

(Tenderly.) Look at yer. Yer look a deckie. Put yer collar over yer jacket. Go on son.

DARREL: I’m gonna tek me jacket off.

CASSIDY: No, no. Go on son. Go on. Just give it a go. For me. Yer collar.

(CASSIDY arranges DARREL’s collar over his jacket.)

There. Yer look good. That looks good. Here.

(CASSIDY offers DARREL a cigarette.)

DARREL: I don’t smoke. Meks me feel sick.

CASSIDY: (Laughing.) No, no,...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Half-title Page
• About the Author
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Introduction
• THE MENTALISTS
• UNDER THE WHALEBACK
• THE GOD BOTHERERS