The Oberon Anthology of Contemporary Irish Plays

'This Is Just This. This Is Not Real. It's Just Money'

Grace Dyas, Mark O'Halloran, Lynda Radley, Philip McMahon, Amy Conroy, Una McKevitt, Simon Doyle, Gavin Quinn, Neil Watkins, Phillip McMahon, Thomas Conway

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2012
• Print ISBN: 9781849433914
• eBook ISBN: 9781849436724
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literatura
• Subtopic: Arte dramático británico

HEROIN by Grace Dyas, Trade by Mark O'Halloran, The Art of Swimming by Lynda Radley, Pineapple by Phillip McMahon, I ? Alice? I by Amy Conroy, The Big Deal edited by Una McKevitt, Oedipus Loves You by Simon Doyle & Gavin Quinn, The Year of Magical Wanking by Neil Watkins Edited and introduced by Thomas Conway This anthology comprises eight new plays by Irish playwrights premièred between the years 2006 and 2011. These playwrights ride, however, in no slipstream of the identifiably Irish play. Here, the enterprise of playwriting itself is being re-imagined. Here, above all else, is a commitment to becoming in the theatre. For all that, each play is concerned with what is unfinished business in Ireland. How astonishing, then, that these plays should revolve for the most part around identity and, in particular, sexual identity. How identity comes into play, how we open up the field of play, how we raise into collective experience the exercise of that play – the urgency in the playwriting would appear to lie precisely here. We can read from the historical moment – from a narrative emphasizing an economic bubble and its hangover – into these plays. Or we can take these playwrights at their word and observe lives lived at the contour of identities in the making. It is for us as readers, just as we have as theatre-goers – frequently scandalized, enthralled, shamed, appalled, unburdened, tickled pink – to decide.

PINEAPPLE
BY
PHILLIP MCMAHON

For Mam, Jen, and Dad who will always be with us.

All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved and application for performance etc. should be made before commencement of rehearsal to MacFarlane Chard Associates, 7 Adelaide Street, Dun Laoghaire, Co Dublin T: 00 353 1 663 8646 F: 00 353 1 663 8649 www.macfarlane-chard.ie. No performance may be given unless a licence has been obtained, and no alterations may be made in the title or the text of the play without the author’s prior written consent.

Commissioned and produced by Calipo Theatre and Picture Company.

Pineapple premiered at the Droichead Arts Centre on 29 April 2011 in a production by Calipo Theatre Company in association with the Drogheda Arts Festival

Written by Phillip McMahon

Directed by David Horan

Cast:

PAULA: Caoilfhionn Dunne

DAN: Nick Lee

ANTOINETTE: Janet Moran

ROXANNA: Jill Murphy

STEPH: Niamh Glynn

Production Design by Paul O’Mahony

Lighting Design by Sinead McKenna

Sound Design by Ivan Birthistle & Vincent Doherty

Costume Design by Emma Fraser

Produced by Collette Farrell & Lara Hickey

Characters	Off-Stage Voices
Paula, 26	Olivia / Paula’s Neighbour
Roxanna, 16 / Paula’s sister	Jean / Paula’s Neighbour
Dan, 28-30	Nicola / Paula’s Neighbour
Antoinette, 32 / Paula’s best friend	Patsy / Antoinette’s Father
Steph, 16 / Roxanna’s best friend

The main action takes place in Paula’s kitchen. A tumbledown room littered with toys and piles of laundry. The rest of the action takes place in a mucky area between places; a no-man’s-land.

ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

A mucky field. ROxANNA and STEPH hang around nothing in particular, sipping on Bacardi Breezers.

ROXANNA: I can’t stand fuckin’ Pineapple. I says to your man; I says – You Paki cunt, pay your Bacardi bills and get some ‘lemon lime’ or some ‘watermelon’ or somethin’.

STEPH: Makes your spunk taste good.

ROXANNA: What?

STEPH: Pineapple.

ROXANNA: What?

STEPH: Makes a fella’s spunk taste…sweeter like. ROXANNA: Says who?

STEPH: Read it somewhere.

ROXANNA: That’s disgustin’!

STEPH: Just sayin’.

ROXANNA: Well shut up sayin’…me stomach is turnin’!

The girls swig their Breezers.

It’s fuckin’ borin’ round here.

STEPH: Is right.

ROXANNA: We’ll fuckin’ die here.

STEPH: Breslin says that from the minute we’re born, we’re dyin’ – just depends how long it takes each of us.

ROXANNA: Dope.

STEPH: Then Charlene O’Neill pushes her glasses up ’er snout – asks Breslin if he clocks himself as an optimist?

ROXANNA: Scarlet for her…

STEPH: Is right! Then Breslin gets into a serious deep and meaningful; spouting some shite about the ability to be an optimist while still accepting the facts of life. It was bore-fuckin’-central. That chat’d put you to sleep quicker than a Venn Diagram; but sure be the time they’d finished the bell was bangin’ so it wasn’t all bad.

ROXANNA: Fitzy been knockin’ about?

STEPH: What?

ROXANNA: Fitzy?

STEPH: I was in town Friday and Saturday, wasn’t I?

ROXANNA: Right.

STEPH: Stayed out all weekend nearly. Said I was in yours…

ROXANNA: Your Ma not know I was away?

STEPH: Talkin’ to the wall, you do be.

ROXANNA: Right.

Pause.

STEPH: What’s it like over there?

ROXANNA: Brilliant.

STEPH: Is it yeah?

ROXANNA: Just bigger. Better like.

STEPH: And the fellas?

ROXANNA: Massive.

Pause.

STEPH: Was you out much?

ROXANNA: Nah.

STEPH: At all?

ROXANNA: Me aunty is real strict; fuckin’ weapon she is...but she’d to stay out one night, ’cos some auld one she minds was sick, or dyin’ or somethin’.

So it was just me in the gaff with Simon; me cousin. He works in Tesco or somethin’.

And we’re sat in front of fuckin’ Family Fortunes. All ready for bed I was, in me pyjamas, and Simon pulls on me pony tail.

He’s a bit of a sap, but he’s sound like.

So I reefed him back. Like reefed him.

And I musta hurt him, ’cos he was all…bruised pride or… you shoulda seen the face on...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Half-title Page
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Introduction
• HEROIN
• Trade
• The Art of Swimming
• Pineapple
• I Alice I
• The Big Deal
• Oedipus Loves You
• The Year of Magical Wanking
• Contributor Biographies