Chapel Street

Luke Barnes

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2016
• Print ISBN: 9781350258686
• eBook ISBN: 9781849437158
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Media & Performing Arts
• Subtopic: Performance Art

You know sometimes when you're drinking, you feel a bit ill and you dread every swig, but you do it anyway because you want to get drunk? He's been let down, belittled and ignored but tonight none of that matters – it's Friday and Joe is getting smashed. Kirsty has bought some vodka on the way home from school and is hastily shaving her legs with her friend's dad's razor. As bottles are drained and the sun sets the two hit the town, neither aware that soon their lives will irreconcilably collide. Chapel Street is a rowdy, relentless two-hander about modern life and love on the dole. It is an acerbic yet compassionate portrait of good times gone bad for a betrayed generation.

Characters

JOE

(23) – Unemployed

KIRSTY

(16) – Schoolgirl

NB the language is a representation of dialect.

Chapel Street was first produced by Scrawl for the Edinburgh Festival as part of Old Vic New Voices Edinburgh Season 2012 in partnership with the Underbelly and supported by Ideastap, with the following cast and creative team:

JOE: Cary Crankson

KIRSTY: Ria Zmitrowicz

Writer: Luke Barnes

Director: Cheryl Gallacher

Creative Producer: Laura Elliot

Assistant Producer: Jordan Eaton

Casting Director: Sophie Davies

Designer: Holly Seager

Lighting Designer: Lee Curran

Old Vic New Voices Mentors:

Steve Winter, Michael Longhurst and Joanna Mackie

After a sell-out run in Edinburgh, Chapel Street transferred to The Bush Theatre as part of radar 2012, presented by Scrawl in collaboration with richard Jordan Productions with the following cast and creative team:

JOE: Theo Barklem Biggs

KIRSTY: Ria Zmitrowicz

Writer: Luke Barnes

Director: Cheryl Gallacher

Creative Producer: Laura Elliot

Lighting Designer: Lee Curran

An earlier version of Chapel Street was presented in 2011 at the Old Red Lion Theatre in Islington and the Everyword Festival at the Liverpool Everyman Playhouse with the following cast and creative team:

JOE: Daniel Kendrick

KIRSTY: Ria Zmitrowicz

Writer: Luke Barnes

Director: Cheryl Gallacher

Producer: Thomas Moore

Casting Director: Sophie Davies

Designer: Kady Howey Nunn

JOE and KIRSTY stand facing front. In separate worlds. Not together. Talking to the audience.

JOE: It was watching me. It wasn’t looking at me but I knew it was watching me. I could tell because it was still. They’re never still. Don’t trust them when they’re still. I put my head in The Sun. It edged closer. I did one of those little kick things. yano to scare it but I accidently kick it in the face. Feathers everywhere. It flies back at me. So I hit it with The Sun. Whack. Twat it over and over again with Sarah, 21 from Liverpool’s, tits. I look up and someone little pube from W.H. Smiths is watching me.

KIRSTY: It’s really shit. It’s really really shit. I mean, I don’t know why we keep doing it. It’s always the same. Boys in checked shirts. Orange skinny girls.

Fat men grabbing your arse when you go the bar. Sarah loves it. Sad bitch. This is why I have to work. I have to work to get away from this.

Fat men and young girls. I mean I’m proud of where I’m from.

It’s just not a good place to get stuck. And I don’t want to still be doing this when I get older. They fucking love it. Every weekend they love it.

And to be fair, if it hadn’t happened I would still love it, too.

JOE: The pigeon flies away as the train pulls in. The doors open. Woggy’s standing there looking like that guy from The Crystal Maze. His head all bicced. I take his bag and usher him into the pub. Pint of Strongbow. Alright Baldy. Got to be careful with him. After where he’s been and especially what he’s come back for, I don’t ask him how it was because I don’t want to hear about it. So I just straighten out my paper and hand it to him. Few weird stains but he likes the tits he says. He hasn’t seen tits for a while. He sees an article and goes quiet. I fucking didn’t think, did I. didn’t think that would be in it. ‘How’s the job hunt gong,’ he asks. Thought I would have got a job by now to be honest. Thought there would have been loads to do here with the Olympics going on but there’s not. Don’t want to show their foreign guests scummers like me do they. Great mate. Thanks for asking. He says he’s not arsed about tomorrow, says it was bound to happen sometime. But I know he’s terrified. I haven’t seen him this terrified since school and Jonny Grogan said he was going to twat him for fingering his sister in the toilets of Superbowl.

KIRSTY: Haven’t been out for a while. Didn’t want to. Didn’t want to be the one ruining their fun. But because I wasn’t going out for a bit, do you know what they called me? Frigid. It doesn’t even make sense. So, this is my first night for a while. What do you think of this? Gemma’s wearing a lycra jumpsuit. She’s so small, she’ll look like a fucking child at some gymnastic competition. All those paedos that stand at the side of the dance floor go mad for her. So everyone else tries to be just like her. Everyone else tries to be little skinny Gemma in jumpsuits. Works when you’re skinny babe! If you’re not you’ll just look like a sausage.

JOE: Pussy is getting better mate. You’d think all the good ones have just gone to uni but they just keep fucking coming. Like a never-ending conveyor belt of perfect pussy. Specially in summer. Don’t think about the sad stuff. I used to love that in summer. Walk home from school, do your homework, get out and play footy. I tried hard at school but the teachers wouldn’t give a fuck, I was shit so they just left me to fail. Said I could only get a C and I tried, I really did. But I just wasn’t clever enough and when I fucked up my SATS I just took up wanking instead of homework… And if you can’t get any there’s YouJizz innit. You see that Rupert Murdoch and the dwarves one? Was sick. This’ll ruin it for you. Find a freckle on your hand. Look at it. Think about your mum. Now every time you whack one off and see that your mum will be in your head. Imagine if you found a video of your sister on there. Legs over her head and some massive german fella pounding on her. Could you carry on? Nar me neither. Unless you’re into that type of thing. Probably don’t even stop half the time. Dirty bastards. Got grounded once for getting caught doing that yano. Not watching a video of my sister. Obviously. Just normal. Mum came up with a cup of tea and caught me. Pants down, thingy in hand. Our eyes like meeting in mutual embarrassment. Cheers mum. Yeah I’ll see you at dinner.

KIRSTY: Gemma wants to be a model. Err…you can’t be a model with a jaw like Cheska from Made in Chelsea. Sorry babes. The worst thing is I used ...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Half-title Page
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Contents
• Characters
• Chapter