Everyday Maps for Everyday Use

Tom Morton-Smith

• Publisher: Oberon Books
• Year: 2012
• ISBN:
  9781849438049
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

"I don't think we'll get to Mars… not really…not normal people. Scientists might… it'll end up a scientific outpost like Antarctica… but it won't be for people like you and me." Maggie has found a warm patch of ground on Horsell Common. She believes something is buried in the dirt. This is the site of the Martian invasion in H G Wells' The War of the Worlds and she sneaks out of the house in the dead of night and dances on the warm spot. Here she meets Behrooz, an amateur astronomer who spends his nights mapping the surface of Mars. Cartographer John is remapping the streets of Woking. He's about to become a father and is terrified by the thought. He finds an ally in Corinne, Maggie's mother - a woman struggling to keep her sex life separate and secret from her daughter. Kiph, who everyone thinks is gay, is madly in love with Maggie, his best-friend. He attends a book signing to meet his hero, Richard Bleakman - star of cult 80s sci-fi show John Carter of Mars. Richard has problems of his own. A stunning new play about fantasy and sexuality, and about the blurry and indistinct linesbetween reality and desire.

1.

KIPH’s bedroom.

KIPH is sat in the dark with his laptop, the light from the screen reflecting onto his face.

He is surfing the internet looking at pornographic images.

KIPH is disgusted and closes the laptop.

Steeling himself, he opens the computer once more and continues to look at the images.

2.

The sandpit on Horsell Common – nighttime.

MAGGIE is dancing in the darkness to the music on her phone. It is loud enough that we can make out the tinny beats leaking from the headphones. She isn’t wearing any shoes.

BEHROOZ enters carrying his telescope, tripod and other paraphernalia; sketchbooks and such.

MAGGIE: (Unaware of BEHROOZ.)

BEHROOZ: (Watches MAGGIE with curiosity.)

MAGGIE: (Catches sight of BEHROOZ and lets out a little yelp of surprise.)

BEHROOZ: (A little shocked, his grip lessens and he nearly drops everything.) Sorry, sorry.

MAGGIE: What the fuck?

BEHROOZ: I didn’t mean to … you know … you seemed … in your own little world.

MAGGIE: (Pulling out her earphones.) What?

BEHROOZ: You were … own little world.

MAGGIE: Creeping up … slinky bastard.

BEHROOZ: I said I was sorry.

MAGGIE: I couldn’t hear you, could I?

BEHROOZ: Alright – sorry. I’ll just be … you going to be here long?

MAGGIE: Might be. What’s that?

BEHROOZ: Telescope – astronomy.

MAGGIE: I’m a Gemini.

BEHROOZ: Congratulations.

MAGGIE: This is my spot.

BEHROOZ: I don’t see your name on it.

MAGGIE: That’s because it’s dark.

BEHROOZ: I’ll set up somewhere else. (Goes to leave, turns back.) You have to dance here?

MAGGIE: Yes.

BEHROOZ: Only …

MAGGIE: We can share, can’t we?

BEHROOZ: I suppose. You going to be dancing?

MAGGIE: I expect so.

BEHROOZ: Throwing some crazy shapes?

MAGGIE: May do.

BEHROOZ: Shaking your booty?

MAGGIE: Perhaps.

BEHROOZ: Well … if you do … this stuff’s expensive so … could you … mind where you shake it?

MAGGIE: Will do.

BEHROOZ: Thanks. (Starts setting up the telescope.)

MAGGIE: (Dancing to her music again.)

BEHROOZ: Aren’t you cold?

MAGGIE: (Can’t hear.)

BEHROOZ: Aren’t you cold?

MAGGIE: (Own little world.)

BEHROOZ: (Returns to the telescope.)

MAGGIE: (Loud.) What are you looking at?

BEHROOZ: You’re shouting.

MAGGIE: What?

BEHROOZ: You’re shouting!

MAGGIE: (Removes earphones.) What are you looking at? Stars?

BEHROOZ: Planets.

MAGGIE: Planets?

BEHROOZ: Mars is in opposition … just turned … travelling from West to East rather than … it’s the closest she ever gets to Earth … so she’s easier to … er … you know … see.

MAGGIE: Mars is a man.

BEHROOZ: What?

MAGGIE: ‘Men are from Mars …’ The God of War …

BEHROOZ: Yes.

MAGGIE: You said: ‘she’.

BEHROOZ: Right. Yes. I suppose I … planets seem kind of … female … innately. Something about their …

MAGGIE: Curves?

BEHROOZ: Possibly. And technically … though later he was thought of as a god of war … he had been originally conceived as … worshipped as … a god of growth and fertility. Much more … I suppose … feminine qualities.

MAGGIE: You’re funny.

BEHROOZ: What?

MAGGIE: You’re funny. And kind of cute. (Offers hand.) Maggie.

BEHROOZ: (Shakes her hand.) Behrooz.

MAGGIE: It’s a pleasure to meet you.

Silence.

BEHROOZ: (Fussing over his equipment.) Do you often dance out here in the middle of the night?

MAGGIE: Yep.

BEHROOZ: Doesn’t your mother worry about you?

MAGGIE: Yep.

BEHROOZ: (Looking through the telescope’s eyepiece.) You’ll get pine needles under your skin.

MAGGIE: (Slips one of the earphones in BEHROOZ’s ear and the other in hers.)

BEHROOZ: What’s this? David Bowie?

MAGGIE: Yep. (Going through his sketchbooks.) Maps.

BEHROOZ: Yes.

MAGGIE: Red maps.

BEHROOZ: The surface of … here, look.

MAGGIE: (Puts her eye to the eyepiece.)

BEHROOZ: Can you see it?

MAGGIE: Mars.

BEHROOZ: Yes. Are you impressed?

MAGGIE: Are you trying to impress me?

BEHROOZ: By the planet.

MAGGIE: This is what you do? Draw maps of Mars?

BEHROOZ: Of the Martian surface.

MAGGIE: That’s a nice bit of kit.

BEHROOZ: Thank you.

MAGGIE: You’ve got a tripod.

BEHROOZ: Er … yeah.

MAGGIE: A tripod on Horsell Common. ‘The War of the Worlds’.

BEHROOZ: Oh yes. I see. Funny.

MAGGIE: Not so funny.

BEHROOZ: Funny-curious … not funny-ha-ha.

MAGGIE: You ever read it?

BEHROOZ: No.

MAGGIE: You live in Woking and you’ve never read ‘The War of the Worlds’?

BEHROOZ: No.

MAGGIE: You’re not looking for...