Hurtz

Jasmine Gardosi

• Publisher: Verve Poetry Press
• Year: 2019
• Print ISBN: 9781912565221
• eBook ISBN: 9781912565818
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Poetry
• Index: Literature

Gardosi's first foray into print. It is also a labour of love. A single poem, performable, readable on the subject of sound, colour and individual pain (physical but also and most notably emotional).Jasmine's incredible piece helps launch our new Verve Poetry Pamphlet series – 'Pamphlet of Words' – in which Spoken Word Poets of note explore the variety of ways performance pieces can be aimed resolutely at the page and yet still fly in performance.

For reference 1.0

Headache is equal to

bust lip

Foot cramp is equal to

grazed knee

Standing on piece of Lego

is two times walking into window

[though walking into window is worth 0.25

more when window is in public]

Dropping phone in toilet

is equivalent to slamming hand

in car door

Self-blame accumulated by burning tongue on

noodle soup so you can’t taste the rest of it

is 3.5 times that of losing biscuit in tea

Sense of loss when friend

takes disproportionately large lick

of your ice cream is only half

of watching Mufasa death scene

Missing bus by ten seconds

is greater than or equal to regret

of sleeping with bra on

Signing off a text to your boss with a kiss

is equivalent to doing a poo before you realise

there’s no loo roll;

there’s no going back

Pain scientist

Observation 15

Halls of residence. Burn own arm on baking tray. Pewf. Purple cloud. As predicted. Forgot notepad. Will make note of correct hypothesis once notepad acquired from bedroom. Will make note to not forget notepad.

Observation 303

Housemates shout ‘Surprise!’ on entry to flat. Stub toe on doorframe. Magenta. [Fascinating. Never known pain like this!] Follow magenta through fog of poppers. Difficult because of fog of poppers. Jot calculation on inside of party hat. On brink of groundbreaking new formula.

Observation 785

Can actually tell what grade each classmate has received for dissertation, [right down to the exact percentage!] by shade of orange issued as each classmate stares at paper and lowers it slowly.

Observation 1,002

New lab. Know who not to ask for coffee based on colleagues’ morning shade of blue [more accurate each day! Tomorrow will get perfect].

Observation 1,231

Propose to Elodie. Push ring up finger. Too small. Perceive that Elodie’s higher level of joy neutralises minor tint of red. Momentous discovery.

Observation 13,409

Billy now 3 yrs 8 mos. Burns own arm on candle. Pewf. Purple cloud. As predicted. Did not forget notepad.

Burgundy

I got my diagnosis.

I have burgundy.

It’s a relief to know.

I’m not weak or lazy.

I have burgundy.

When people ask how I am today,

I tell them I have burgundy.

Sometimes I feel fine, but I know —

deep down — I have burgundy.

Burgundy goes with all of my clothes.

Nathan also has burgundy.

He takes Typtamine

for his burgundy.

I take Typtamine

for my burgundy, too.

Sarah says she has burgundy

but she drinks a lot and I don’t.

I wonder at what stage of the burgundy

this will happen.

A friend of a friend had burgundy

but he took different tablets

to the ones my doctor gave me.

And then he stopped taking them.

And then he died,

and that makes me think,

will I die too, because I’m not

taking the tablets he took

to stop him being so burgundy?

Nathan’s doctor was wrong.

He is not burgundy.

He actually has carmine.

They have started him

on Dozapram.

The Morrisons lady g...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• For reference 1.0
• Pain scientist
• Burgundy
• Bisque #ffe4c4
• NHS recommendations
• Husband
• Pre-operative assessment
• Graduate
• You’ve probably never heard of it
• For reference 2.0
• Eight-year-old
• Granddaughter
• Phrasebook. Non-exhaustive.
• Gender reveal
• Better
• For reference 3.0
• Meanwhile
• Natural phenomena
• Acknowledgements
• About the Author
• About Verve Poetry Press