CON/VERGE
Un cómplice perfecto. Un hermano gemelo. Hable de ser diferente, de descubrir algo importante. Algo por que pelear. Algo por que vivir. Lo que sea, una boca, una mirada, una mirada, un trato, un pacto: nunca separarnos.
A perfect accomplice. A twin. I talked about being different, about discovering something important. Something to fight for. Something to live for. Anything, a mouth, a look, a look, a deal, a pact: never split up.
āVoy a Explotar / Iām Gonna Explode (film 2008)
CROSSING
Angel buys a passport made at a print shop for fifty dollarsāperfect
but for a hair stuck in the laminate by his date of birth. Not noticeable,
he says and I believe him. We walk across the bridge to Ciudad JuƔrez
and I expect there to be an explosionāfor the streets to glow red.
Itās been five years since weāve been back and the city is a ghost,
but the traffic is alive. Itās still a city, I say. Letās go to a bar, he says.
We pose in faux fur with cigarettes for nightlife pictures, get vicious,
and leave at 3:00 a.m. I stumble in my platform heels and stop
at another bar to get drinks one last time in a to-go cup. By 3:30
I turn litterbug and throw our empties into the ink-stained street.
I brush my hands against the chain-link fence as we cross
the bridge back to El Paso. Cameras every ten feetāwe smile
and kiss for them. Behind us a man yells, Thatās it? Thatās all you have for me,
murder capital of the world? Border agents wave us acrossā
Iām too white to tell and Angel looks clean enough, but one of us is illegal.
No one says a wordāwe all breathe pollution. To think we didnāt need
to get a visa. To think we could have saved the fifty dollars. Still easy,
we laugh and agree to cross again next weekend. We wonder
why we call each other Cielo, why we call each other Angel? We wonder
how two cities are split, how they swell. Watch how they collide.
HOW BORDERS ARE BUILT
You lay me on blue sheets. I put two fingers in my mouth and they disappear.
In your hair a crown of border patrol point their guns at me; they watch
with night vision goggles to see if Iāll wade across our river. I lick
the black corners of your ears; one agent shoots my shoulder. I wonder if you
could take them down while youāre on top of me, put them in a box somewhere.
I tell you I am desert: my face cracks; reptiles hide in my shadows; my hair grows
because the wind pulls it. You push your face into my ear and I hear words
in dust storms. I cough as you push your shoulder into my mouth. My eyes
closed, I can feel the brush that grows along your arms reach for the sun.
You pull your face away and cry into my mouth. I canāt drink all of you; tears spill
down my neck and across my body. I flood until you are swallowed too; grated
metal collapses into our streets; we pool around concrete tenements, land that never
holds a river quiet. We eat our border every hundred years then build it up again.
We ask each other if weāve carried any foreign items today, barbed wire
fences stapled to our teeth, avocado pits in our back pocket. We say no.
BIBBED IN PAISLEY HE READS ŽIŽEK INSTEAD
of pulling Septemberās steak tips from
a bag of peas in the freezer. On his lips
one hundred blue petals, dried flowers
from the bottom of a former loverās vase.
He licks his fingers, touches the hairs
of milled tree trunk in each page.
I wait; a flood runs from my mouth complete
with a rusted Honda Civicāthe windows
all busted. My veins sprout to link my temples
to an electric socket. I black out and then
the most angelic resurgence of light . . .
He tells me I have become
an example of ŽižekāThe unreal, we are
fascinated by the unreal. I reach for my back
molar, turn it to the right and braid
my hair. If I am unreal, I whisper, you must
be as real as my hair, which I will cut
with these scissors. You tell me: Cut it
short. Iāve always wanted to know if I could make
love to a boy Iāve always known was a woman.
DEAR ANGEL,
There are days when the world is filled with numbers and we are bad at math. We eat breakfast in f(x) = 2x and fuck in d(5) = 76f + 86Ļ. These are days you become sick of guessing the moonās surface area. I have no numbers, you say. I am named Angel in a sea of other Angels; how will you ever know to love me?
And I say, Iāll call you the number 56; one day weāll learn to make love in differential equations. You say, I hate that number and I want to see objects in your face and see faces in the things youāve left behindāI ask for such small pareidolia.
I donāt speak English well and I donāt speak Spanish well and now I am illiterate. I will learn this lamp as I have learned your faceāin grooves, shape, and gradation. They will say I am not a poet and I will know all the ways theyāve been scarred by the ring of their voices. I will sing, I will sing, I will singāturned dumb, I will sing you dry.
I tell you to meet me at the point of a Mercator triangle at 7:00 but canāt find you. Our earth is made of triangles that never measure 180Ė. What mathematical proof to run my hands along the rocks and let them drink of me. What lie to divide land in lines that donāt exist, to attempt to leave the body on a dark, studded night.
You will go to the desert and there will be gull. You will run to the sea and there will ...