The Tactful Teacher

Effective Communication with Parents, Colleagues, and Administrators

Yvonne Bender

• Publisher: Nomad Press
• Year: 2005
• ISBN:
  9781936313150
• Topic: Didattica
• Subtopic: Gestione della classe

By equipping teachers with the tools they need to communicate effectively with colleagues, parents, and administrators, this handbook prepares them to deal successfully with and understand the dynamics of a variety of work-related situations. Especially helpful for those new to the field, this guide teaches the skills to build effective communication, tailor messages to fit their recipients, and interact with difficult people and under pressure. Using specific scenarios, such as dealing with angry parents, sharing unpleasant information, or communicating in less-than-ideal school environments, different communication strategies, and why they work, are discussed in detail. Advice is also given on handling "The Social Addiction Trap" and those tricky "what's your opinion" questions with grace and aplomb.

Part I

Building Effective Communication

People communicate both directly and indirectly. Most direct communication is intentional and includes what we choose to say, write, and do. When we teachers distribute guidelines for a research paper, review them with our students, and insist that they follow them, we are using direct communication.

In addition to direct communication we also communicate in indirect and unintentional ways through body language, facial expressions, and speech patterns. Most indirect communication is the result of long habit, personality traits, and social customs. It is unintentional and requires a concerted effort to control. The beginning teacher who repeatedly asks “okay?” when working with her class unintentionally communicates her lack of self-assurance to her students, inadvertently inviting them to question her authority. In order to communicate in a more authoritative manner, she must become aware of that particular speech mannerism and consciously work to change it.

Communication is often complicated by our inability to accurately interpret how others are communicating to us. Did the speaker or writer really say what we thought he said, and mean what we thought he meant? If we misinterpret and respond inappropriately we may create serious (and sometimes long-lasting) difficulties for others and ourselves. The way to prevent such misunderstandings is to understand and implement effective communication strategies.

WHEN BODY LANGUAGE SPEAKS, SEE WHAT IT’S SAYING

Inadvertent behaviors can, depending on the circumstances, communicate useful information about the people exhibiting them. People who sit facing away from a speaker with their arms and legs tightly crossed are often revealing resentment, anger, or discomfort, especially if the speaker is relating unpleasant information to them. Those who hang back during introductions at a back-to-school night, rejecting handshakes and avoiding eye contact, may be revealing shyness, social ineptitude, or distrustfulness, while those who violate their listeners’ personal space by standing within inches of them during a discussion about school policies are often revealing an in-your-face aggressiveness and belligerence. See the Appendix on page 131 for more information on interpreting nonverbal communication.

While all body language doesn’t necessarily have hidden meanings (people sometimes yawn only because they’re tired, not because they’re bored, or glance at their watches only because they want to know the time, not because they’re anxious for a meeting to end), some behaviors—when viewed within certain contexts—speak volumes about the people exhibiting them.

TEN STRATEGIES FOR BUILDING EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

The following are some strategies you can use to make your communication skills more effective.

1. Adjust your communication to fit the situation.
2. Know and follow your school’s communication chain of command.
3. Open lines of communication before problems start and work to keep them open.
4. Begin positively.
5. Practice active listening.
6. Emphasize areas of agreement.
7. Be willing to compromise.
8. Respect confidentiality.
9. Avoid gossip.
10. End on a positive note.

1. Adjust Your Communication to Fit the Situation

Just as you modify your behavior to fit a setting and situation, you also modify the way you communicate to do the same. Your behavior and communication style, for example, are much different at an old friend’s birthday party than they are at a faculty meeting. At a birthday party they are informal and casual, at a faculty meeting they are formal and professional. Since successful communication requires that you change your tone to fit specific situations, it is helpful to sharpen your awareness of both the effective and ineffective communication behaviors used by your co-workers.

Observe the people around you during their conversations with others and take note of the behavior of the various participants. Notice the language they use and when they choose to use it. Is it informal or formal? Is it filled with colloquialisms and slang? Does it contain a great deal of educational jargon? When and with whom is the language most formal?

Observe people’s body language. Do they have their arms folded tightly in front of them? Are their hands on their hips? Are they standing within inches of the people with whom they are speaking or are they standing several feet away? Is the speaker standing and the people being spoken to seated or vice versa? Notice everyone’s overall demeanor. Are there occasional nods of agreement and smiles of goodwill, minimal reactions and blank stares, or angry shakes of the head and scowls? What topics seem to cause the greatest reactions and from whom?

At the conversation’s conclusion does everyone seem to be satisfied? If not, who seems to be the least happy? Is it the person who was perturbed when the conversation began or is it someone else? If the conversation involved several people, does the entire group disperse immediately upon its conclusion or do two or three people remain behind and continue to talk?

Observing behavior and answering these questions sharpens your awareness of the dynamics of communication. This awareness gives you information that can help you modify the way you communicate so you are more readily accepted and easily understood by your intended audience.

For example, your observations during an informal back-to-school night or parent-teacher meeting might lead you to conclude that:

• The parents at your school generally respond more positively when teachers communicate with them in straightforward, non-technical language; or conversely that the parents at your school generally respond more positively when teachers communicate with them using higher-level technical terms.
• Certain parents are much more at ease during a parent-teacher conference when the teacher sits together with them instead of remaining behind his desk throughout the meeting.
• Your administrator is more comfortable meeting with parents in her office than she is meeting with them in a classroom or vice versa.
• The body language of some parents, administrators, and teachers seems to consistently contradict their spoken language. For example, the “closed” body language of the administrator (standing at full height with his arms folded tightly across his chest) seemingly contradicts his comment to the small child, “In order to be fair about this, I’d like to hear your side of the story.”

This information can aid you in making appropriate changes in your language choices, seating plans, meeting format, and demeanor by giving you insight about whether it’s better to use technical or non-technical language when sharing information with parents, the most beneficial seating for a parent-teacher conference, the best place for parents to meet with an administrator, and the inconsistencies that might exist between your spoken and unspoken communication.

2. Know and Follow Your School’s Communication Chain of Command

In almost every school system a healthy respect for the communication chain of command equals a long and administratively hassle-free teaching career. Learn your school’s established way of communicating down the ranks as soon as possible when you begin teaching—it may be confusing in the short-term, but vital for your long-term success. The chain of communication command may mean something as simple as remembering to inform your school’s administrator of your intended actions before informing parents of them, or requesting help from a school-based mentor before requesting help from outside sources.

You can learn about your school’s chain of command through research and observation. If your school has a teacher’s handbook, review the section describing job duties and responsibilities and take note of who has responsibility for what. Then be sure to inform that person before you take action in his or her area of responsibility.

For example, say you learn from reviewing your teacher’s handbook that the assistant principal is in charge of end-of-school dismissal procedures. When a parent sends you a note requesting permission for his son to ride a different bus that afternoon because of a dentist’s appointment, you should follow the appropriate chain of command and send the parent’s note to your assistant principal, allowing her to act upon the request.

While it might seem easier and less time-consuming to simply handle the parent’s request on your own, remember that a breakdown in the chain of communication command often results in unfortunate consequences. For example: your assistant principal might well note the student is missing at the end of the day and incorrectly conclude that:

• The missing student is dilly-dallying around and is late coming to the bus (causing your administrator to hold up a bus full of impatient and noisy students while she finds out the missing student is on his way to the dentist).
• The student has left school without permission (causing your administrator to contact the bemused parent who then informs her that his son is at the dentist).
• The student was kidnapped by his non-custodial parent (causing your administrator to contact the less-than-amused parent who then informs her, after a quick phone call check, that his son is at the dentist and then questions your administrator’s competence).

In all of these potential scenarios your assistant principal ends up feeling embarrassed or irritated—most likely at you.

In addition to reviewing the teacher’s handbook, you can learn much about your school’s communication chain of command from your colleagues. Ask them for advice about whom to contact with a concern and the best approach to use when doing so. Use your own best judgment: be somewhat skeptical when you receive advice that directly contradicts the information in your teacher’s handbook. For example, cavalier advice from a colleague such as, “Don’t worry if you can’t get out on bus duty on time, there are plenty of teachers to cover for you” should be disregarded if it contradicts written administrative directives or faculty meeting statements by your principal that stress the importance of teachers reporting promptly for bus duty. Also, be aware that within the hierarchy of accountability, a written directive has considerably more weight than a spoken directive. If you get into trouble for disregarding a written directive (either through ignorance or willfulness), you cannot justify your actions by declaring others misinformed you.

LEARN YOUR SCHOOL’S CHAIN OF COMMAND

• Carefully review the job duties and responsibilities section of your teacher’s handbook.
• Do not take on others’ responsibilities without gaining their permission to do so.
• Seek guidance from experienced colleagues regarding whom to contact with a concern.
• Be wary of advice that seems to contradict your school’s administrative policies.
• Read and follow through on all written directives.

DECIDING WHOSE ADVICE TO TAKE

It’s easy finding people who want to give advice, but it’s difficult knowing whose advice to take. First, you must take advice from those above you in your school’s administrative hierarchy, since they are the ones in charge. Depending upon your school, this might include your principal and assistant principal(s), subject area supervisor, department chair, team leader, and administratively assigned mentor. Therefore, if you decide to seek advice from your administrators, be prepared to follow their suggestions even when you disagree with them.

You are not required to take advice from anyone other than those in the administrative hierarchy, but if highly respected colleagues offer advice, it’s wise to consider it carefully. Since it’s often difficult when you enter a new situation to know who among your colleagues is highly respected, take the time to determine who will be a valuable source of information and advice, and who will not.

Observe the dynamics that take place between the adults in your school. Notice those people who are highly respected by administrators and those who are highly respected by your teaching colleagues. Take note of who is respected by both administrators and teachers and seek them out as your primary sources for judicious and helpful advice.

If it is unclear to you who is more highly regarded by the administration, seek advice from those who are most respected by your fellow staff members. For example, this might be a teacher who has taught at your school for many years and has worked with many different administrators, or a teacher who is always elected to the faculty council or as union rep because he or she is adept at voicing teachers’ concerns. However, regardless of how much your colleagues respect this teacher, it’s wise to view his or her advice with some degree of caution, especially if it does not seem to agree with your a...