The Autobiography of St. Margaret Mary

Margaret Mary Alacoque

• Publisher: TAN Books
• Year: 1995
• ISBN:
  9781505107319
• Topic: Teología y religión
• Subtopic: Denominaciones cristianas

Intimate insights from the saint to whom Our Lord gave the Sacred Heart revelations. Includes Our Lord's own words to her and tells how she sought out suffering for the love for God. A very famous book and one of only six saint's autobiographies in existence.

V ✠ J!

LIFE OF
SAINT MARGARET MARY ALACOQUE

1. The Saint undertakes to write this account through obedience.

It is for the love of Thee, O my God, and through obedience, that I submit to write this account, asking Thy pardon for the resistance I have made. Thou alone knowest how great my repugnance thereto is; Thou alone therefore canst give me strength to overcome it, for this obedience was given me by Thee, in order to punish the exceeding pleasure which I have ever felt and the precaution I had taken to bury myself in entire oblivion on the part of creatures. It was after having obtained a promise from persons who I thought would be able to help me in this, and after I had committed to the flames what remained to me of the former account I had written through obedience, that this present order was given me. Grant, O my Sovereign Good, that I may write nothing but what may be for Thy greater glory and my own confusion.

2. Her horror of sin. Vow of Chastity.

O my only Love! how much I am indebted to Thee! . . . From my tenderest years Thou didst prevent me with Thy grace and didst constitute Thyself the Master and possessor of my heart, although Thou knewest full well the resistance it would make Thee. As soon as I was able to know myself, Thou didst manifest to my soul the hideousness of sin, the sight of which imprinted in my heart so intense a horror thereof, that the least stain was an insupportable torment to me. In order to check my childish vivacity, it sufficed to say that God would be offended; this would make me stop at once and turn away from what I wanted to do.

Without knowing their meaning, I felt continually urged to pronounce the following words: “O my God, I consecrate to Thee my purity, and I make Thee a vow of perpetual chastity.” This I did once between the two elevations at Mass which I was wont to hear on my bare knees, even in the coldest weather. I did not then understand what I had done, nor what was meant by the words “vow” and “chastity,” but my sole desire was to hide myself in some wood, and the only thing that prevented me from doing so was the fear of meeting with men.

3. Protection of the Blessed Virgin.

The Blessed Virgin has always taken great care of me. I had recourse to her in all my necessities, and she has preserved me from great dangers. I of did not dare address myself to her divine Son, but only to her, and I often presented her with the little crown of the rosary, which I said on my bare knees, or genuflecting and kissing the ground at every Ave Maria.

4. Death of her father, 1655.

I lost my father when I was very young, and my mother having taken upon herself the guardianship of her five children, was seldom at home; being the only daughter,⁴ I was left until the age of eight and a half without any other education than that which I received from the servants and from the people of the village.

5. She is placed in the school of the Urbanist nuns at Charolles, where she makes her First Communion.

I was then sent to a convent, where I made my First Communion when about nine years of age. This Communion shed such bitterness over all my little pleasures and amusements that I was no longer able to enjoy any of them, although I sought them eagerly. Whenever I wanted to join in the games of my companions, I always felt something which called me and drew me aside into some little corner, leaving me no peace until I had followed it. Our Lord then made me give myself to prayer, and I did so almost always either prostrate or on my bare knees or making genuflections, provided nobody saw me, for it was a strange torment to me when I was noticed.

6. Her long illness. She is cured by the Blessed Virgin.

I also felt a great desire to do everything that I saw the nuns do, for I looked upon them all as saints and thought that, if I were a religious, I, too, should become one like them. This filled me with so great a longing (for the religious state) that I thought of nothing else, although, for my part, I did not consider the nuns sufficiently secluded; but, not knowing any others, I imagined I ought to remain with them.

I fell, however, into so pitiable a state of ill-health that for about four years I was unable to walk, my bones piercing my skin. Consequently I was removed from the Convent at the end of two years; but, as no remedy could be found for my illness, I was consecrated to the Blessed Virgin, with the promise that, if she cured me, I should one day be one of her daughters. Scarcely had I made this vow, than I was cured and taken anew under the protection of Our Lady. She made herself so completely Mistress of my heart, that, looking upon me as her own, she governed me as wholly dedicated to her, reproving me for my faults and teaching me how to do the Will of God. It happened once that, being seated while reciting the rosary, she appeared to me and gave me the following reprimand which, although very young at the time, I have never forgotten: “I am surprised, my daughter,” she said, “that you serve me so negligently!” These words left such an impression on my soul, that they have served me for my whole life.

7. She gives way to dissipation.

On recovering my health, I thought only of seeking pleasure in the enjoyment of my liberty, without concerning myself much about the fulfilment of my promise. But, O my God, I little thought then, what later on Thou didst give me to understand and experience, namely, that, the Sacred Heart having brought me forth on Calvary with so much sorrow, the life which Thou didst then give me could be fed and maintained only by the Cross, and, therefore, this would be my most delightful food. Thus, as soon as I had recovered, I gave myself up to vanity and the affection of creatures, flattering myself that the tenderness which my mother and brothers had for me would allow me to amuse and enjoy myself as much as I liked. But Thou, O my God, didst make me see that I was out in my reckoning, which had been made according to my inclinations naturally drawn to pleasure, and not according to Thy designs which were very different from mine.

8. Domestic Persecution.

My mother having despoiled herself of all authority in her house, those into whose hands she had given it, exercised it in such a manner that both she and I were reduced to a state of captivity; but I do not wish to blame those persons by what I am about to say, nor do I think that they did wrong in causing me to suffer. My God did not permit me to have this thought, but wished that I should regard them as instruments employed by Him for the accomplishment of His Holy Will. We therefore had no longer any power in the house and dared not do anything without permission. It was a continual battle; everything was kept under lock and key, so much so that I was often unable to find anything to put on in order to go to Mass, and was even obliged to borrow both hat and coat. It was at such times especially that I began to realize my captivity, to which, however, I submitted myself so completely that I never did the least thing, nor did I leave the house, without the consent of these three persons.⁵

From that time all my affections turned towards the Blessed Sacrament of the Altar, where I sought my only delight and consolation. But being in a village and at some distance from the church, I could go there only with the consent of the above-mentioned persons, and it so happened that, when one was willing, another was not. Often when I showed my grief by tears, they reproached me with having made an appointment with some young men, saying that I was disappointed at not being able to meet them and be flattered and made much of; and that the desire to go to Mass or Benediction of the Blessed Sacrament was only a pretext I gave. Yet I had such a horror in my heart for anything of the kind, that I would rather have consented to see my body torn into a thousand pieces than entertain such a thought. At such times I knew not where to take refuge, except in some corner of the garden or stable or other secluded place, where I could kneel and pour out my heart in tears before God through the medium of the Blessed Virgin, my good Mother, in whom I had placed all my confidence. There I remained whole days without food or drink, and as this occurred frequently, poor people of the village sometimes had pity on me and, towards evening, gave me a little milk or fruit. On returning to the house afterwards, it was with such fear and trembling that I seemed to myself like a poor criminal about to receive her sentence of condemnation. I should have considered myself happier to beg my bread than live in this manner, for many a time I dared not take any food when at table. The moment I entered the house, the battle began worse than ever, because I had not attended to the house and to the children of those dear benefactresses of my soul, and, without being permitted to utter a word, I set myself to work with the servants.

9. Ecce Homo. Love of suffering.

I spent the nights as I had spent the days, shedding tears at the foot of my crucifix. There I was given to see, without my understanding it, that He desired to be the absolute Master of my heart and render me conformable in all things to His suffering life. That was why He wished to constitute Himself my Master, making my soul feel His presence, in order to enable me to act as He did in the midst of His cruel sufferings, which He had borne for love of me.

My soul was henceforth so penetrated with this thought that I would not have wished my sufferings to cease for a moment. For from that time He was always present to me under the form of the crucifix or of an Ecce Homo, or as carrying His cross. This filled me with such feelings of compassion and so great a love of suffering that what ever I had to bear seemed but light in comparison with the ardent desire I had to suffer, that thereby I might render myself conformable to my suffering Jesus. I was sorry when those hands, which at times were raised to strike me, were stayed from venting upon me all their rigor. I felt continually urged to render all kinds of services to those true friends of my soul and would willingly have sacrificed myself for them; it was my greatest pleasure to do good to them and speak as well as possible of them. But it was not I who did all that I now write and shall hereafter relate, much against my will. It was my Sovereign Master, Who, having taken possession of my will, did not permit me to utter any complaint, to murmur or to bear any resentment against those persons; nor would He allow anyone to show me pity or compassion, saying that He Himself had been thus treated, and He willed that, when I could not prevent people speaking to me about them, I should excuse them and take the blame for myself, adding, what is indeed true, that my sins deserved much more.

10. Repugnance to write her Life. Our Lord obliges here thereto and gives His reasons.

I have always taken every care and precaution to conceal all that I am now writing, so that naught might be known hereafter, even endeavoring not to retain any remembrance of it, in order to leave all to the memory of my Good Master. I therefore complained to Him of the great repugnance that I felt, but He said to me: “Continue, My daughter, continue, neither more nor less will come of all this repugnance; My Will must be accomplished.”—“But alas! my God, how can I remember what happened more than twenty-five years ago?”—“Dost thou not know that I am the eternal memory of My Heavenly Father, by Whom nothing is forgotten, and before Whom the past and the future are as the present? Write, therefore, without fear, according as I shall dictate to thee, and I promise thee the unction of My grace in order that I may be thereby glorified.

“In the first place I desire this of thee, in order to show thee that I baffle and render useless all the precautions which I have allowed thee to take, to hide the profusion of graces with which I have taken pleasure in enriching so poor and miserable a creature as thyself. Thou shouldst never lose sight thereof, so that thou mayest render Me continual thanks for them.

“Secondly, it is to teach thee that thou must in no way appropriate them to thyself, nor be reserved in distributing them to others, since I desire to make use of thy heart as of a channel through which to pour these graces into souls according to My designs, by this means drawing many from the abyss of perdition, as I will show thee hereafter.

11. Her mother’s illness.

“Thirdly, it is to manifest that I am the eternal Truth, and that the graces which I have bestowed on thee are open to every kind of examination and test.” After these words I felt so strengthened that, despite the great fear I have lest this account should be seen, I am resolved to continue at any cost, in order to accomplish the Will of my Sovereign Master.

The heaviest of my crosses was that of not being able to alleviate those of my mother which were a hundred times harder to bear than my own. I did not, however, give her the consolation of speaking about them for fear of offending God by the satisfaction we might have had in conversing about our troubles. I felt this most keenly when she was ill, because, being wholly abandoned to my care and attendance, she had much to suffer on this account. At times, everything was locked up, and I had even to go and beg for eggs and other things necessary for sick people. It was no little torture for my natural timidity to be thus obliged to apply to the villagers, who frequently said more to me on the subject than I would have wished. Once when she was suffering from a dangerous attack of erysipelas in the head, which was much swollen and excessively inflamed, they con tented themselves with having her bled by a common village surgeon who happened to be passing by. He told me that she could not recover without a miracle, still no one showed the least trouble or concern except myself. In truth, I knew not to whom to have recourse, except to my usual refuge, the most Holy Virgin, and to my Sovereign Master⁶ [to Whom alone I could confide] the anguish in which I was continually plunged. In the midst of all this, I received from those around me only con tempt, injuries and accusations, and I knew not where to take refuge. On the feast of the Circumcision of Our Lord I went to Mass, and I asked Him to be Himself the Physician and remedy for my poor mother, and to teach me what I must do for her. This He did in so merciful a manner that on my return home I found the swelling had burst, leaving an open wound in the cheek, about the size of the palm of the hand, which exhaled so insupportable an odor that no one would approach her. I did not know how to dress a wound, and until then had never been able even to look at or touch one. Having no other ointment but that of Divine Providence, all I could do was to remove each day a quantity of putrid flesh, but I felt such courage and confidence in the goodness of my Sovereign Who seemed to be always present, that, in a few days, contrary to all expectation, the wound was healed.

12. Her attraction for mental prayer.

During the time of her illness, I seldom went to bed or slept; I scarcely took any food, and often passed entire days without eating. But my Divine Master consoled and strengthened me with perfect conformity to His most holy Will, so that I had recourse to Him in all that happened to me, saying: “O my Sovereign Master! this would not have happened if Thou hadst not willed it so, but I return Thee thanks for having permitted it, that thereby I may be made more like unto Thee.”

In the midst of all this, I felt strongly drawn to mental prayer, and this likewise was a cause of much suffering to me, as I knew not how to make it, nor how to learn to do so, not having any opportunity of conversing with spiritual persons; all I knew of it was the single word ‘mental prayer,’ by which my heart was ravished. I again addressed myself to my Sovereign Master, and He taught me the manner in which He wished me to make it, which has served me for my whole life. He made me prostrate myself humbly before Him to ask His pardon for everything by which I had offended Him, and, after an act of adoration, I offered Him my prayer, without knowing how to set about it.

He then presented Himself to me in the mystery in which He desired me to consider Him, applied my mind so closely to it, and kept my soul and all my powers so absorbed in Him that I felt no distraction. My heart was consumed with the desire of loving Him, which gave me an insatiable longing for Holy Communion and for suffering. However, I knew not what to do, for I had no time at my disposal except the night, of which I spent as much as I could in prayer. But although this occupation was inexpressibly delightful to me, I did not think it was a form of prayer, and, feeling myself ceaselessly urged to pray, I promised my Divine Master that, as soon as He had taught it to me, I would give to it all the time I could. Nevertheless, His Goodness kept me so strongly occupied in the manner I have just said that it gave me a distaste for vocal prayers, which I could never say when in presence of the Blessed Sacrament, being then so absorbed in prayer that I never felt weary.

13. Her love for the Blessed Sacrament and her desire for Holy Communion.

I could have passed whole days and nights there, without eating or drinking, and without knowing what I was doing, except that I was being consumed in His presence like a burning taper, in order to return Him love for love. I could not remain at the entrance of the church and, inspite of the confusion I felt, I never failed to go as near as I could to the Blessed Sacrament. I envied and counted those alone happy who were able to communicate often and who were at liberty to remain before the most Holy Sacrament, although it is true that I made bad use of my time, and I fear that I did nothing but dishonor It. I also strove to gain the good will of the persons of whom I have spoken above, ...